Send ex's mom Christmas message or not?

[MUrmillo]

Hi all,

 

I wanted to send my ex's mom a text just to wish her a happy Christmas but I don't know if it is a good idea given my current situation

 

Some background on my situation:

- Broken up 10 months ago, I am the dumpee. Her feelings had changed because I took her for granted, I blocked the growth of our relationship and my lack of commitment made her insecure, and LDR which I handled the wrong way (a lot of meaningless texting instead of visiting)

- Because of a medical condition I had extreme anxiety (also contributed to our BU) around the time she broke up with me and I took the news of her changed feelings really bad. I pestered her for 10 weeks and in those 10 weeks we went from her saying "I think one day we will be together again" to "I never said never myself but if that is what it takes for you to get the message than yes we are over for good" and from a break to a breakup. I sent her an apology letter a month after that to which she responded positive and we are kind of friends after that, even though I stopped reaching out for over 2 months now. She still contacts me from time to time and seems to have no hard feelings towards me.

- She seems happy, moved on and it might be that she is seeing someone else but I am not sure

- Deep in my heart there is nothing I want more than to have her back but it seems very unlikely that it will happen.

 

. I just wanted to text her mom beause I really liked her and never got the chance to say goodbye. Just a message along the lines of 'Hi (...) I hope you have a wonderful X-mas and a happy New Year, Best (...)'

 

What do you guys think?

[gebaird]

I can't see anything good coming from that text. At best it will just annoy your ex. Her mom understands why you haven't been in contact. You don't need to say goodbye. There's always collateral damage when two people break up. Accept it and move on.

[CurlyQSue]

To me, I feel like you only want to message her mom because you still want to be with her. If she seems happy and seems like she has moved on....why text her mom? That doesn't seem like a good idea at all and all that seems like it'd do is play with people's emotions.

[Wiseman2]

Generally unless you were married and had kids etc. no reason to stay in touch with an ex's family.

Broken up 10 months ago, I am the dumpee. - She seems happy, moved on and it might be that she is seeing someone else but I am not sure

[Jonesey0]

It all depends on the kind of relationship you had with her family, and why you want to do it.

 

My ex and i were together for 14 years, we have been apart for almost 2 years, 18 months of NC from my side.

 

Her family still texts, calls me on big dates (aniversary, Christmas, new year) and so do i.

 

They were family to me, as i was to them, and i really wish them well, and i think they feel the same towards me.

 

They didnt do anything wrong towards me, neither did i.

 

But i only do it because of them, because i value their friendship and the part they played on my life.

 

I don't do it to expect any kind of reaction from my ex. I don't need any validation from her at this point.

 

 

If your motives are the the same as above, go for it.

 

Otherwise have respect for yourself, and most importantly, for her family.

[Capricorn3]

What do you guys think?

I think it's a bad idea. There is no reason for you to send a card. It seems you are hoping to somehow get the ex back through the parents. You've been broken up almost a year. Leave it at that. Don't even go there.

[No1]

No matter what anyone says or advises you are going to do what you want to do. It has been over 6months since the break up and all you do is think about this girl. You blew it and she is gone. Its a simple fact that you didnt want her and she is going to find someone who does want her. Instead of moving forward you are still obsessed with your X. Its time for you to move on.

 

I would say part of moving on is NOT sending your X or any part of her family anything. All you did was break this girl's heart and you want to send them a Christmas message? They probably dont want to hear from you anyway. Let her go

[Ms Darcy]

Nooooooooooooooooo.

[MUrmillo]

Thank you all for your replies.

 

I am still a bit surprised with al the negativity... I was not intending to send a card btw, just a short text. I have not seen her mom that often since we lived in another country but still we had some very nice moments together.

 

My ex also contacted my mom some months ago...

[shiner501]

No.

She is an ex. Forget it and move forward.

 

Why is that being negative? You ask for advice and we give it to you. Do what you want man, but the collective wisdom is you should not.

[Viceroy]

I think it would be a nice thing to do, but you need to be honest with yourself. If you're doing it because you genuinely care about her, and had a good relationship with her, then yes. My ex girlfriend's father wished me a happy holiday today over "Words with Friends". However, if you're just looking to get a reaction from your ex don't do it.

[MissCanuck]

I can't see what good will come of this.

 

Would you really be fine if all you got back was, "Thank you and best wishes to you too, Merry Christmas!"?

 

I think you are under-estimating how much a neutral response like that will hurt. It will remind you that you are not spending the holidays with your ex or her family anymore and that while they may respond kindly, they also recognize you're not part of their life any longer and will probably behave accordingly.

[MUrmillo]

I can't see what good will come of this.

 

Would you really be fine if all you got back was, "Thank you and best wishes to you too, Merry Christmas!"?

 

I think you are under-estimating how much a neutral response like that will hurt. It will remind you that you are not spending the holidays with your ex or her family anymore and that while they may respond kindly, they also recognize you're not part of their life any longer and will probably behave accordingly.

 

Thank you for your reply.

To be honest, I don't know see how that particular response would hurt me. I would be fine with that.

[Silverbirch]

I think it would be a nice thing to do, but you need to be honest with yourself. If you're doing it because you genuinely care about her, and had a good relationship with her, then yes. My ex girlfriend's father wished me a happy holiday today over "Words with Friends". However, if you're just looking to get a reaction from your ex don't do it.

 

 

I agree with this too.