What do you think of it all? Chance of reconciliation?

[babyblue13]

I've spent countless time online looking up other people's stories to get some insight on my own. I've decided to finally share my story. I know that nobody can really say for sure what is going to happen, but it would be nice to get some insight from people who aren't emotionally invested in the situation, like my friends/family.

 

One of my best friends and I began dating in the summer. Neither of us intended for it to be anything but a summer fling, because we were going to start college at the end of August and be 500 miles away. Unfortunately, and I can only really speak for myself, I got way more invested than I intended. By the end of the summer, I found myself hoping he would be down for a long distance relationship. But ultimately that did not happen, and I knew that it wasn't in the cards for us.. we ended the summer on a good note. Agreeing that we would remain very close friends.

 

About a week after he left for school, I still had a couple days before I had to leave, and he texted me saying how much he had been missing me, how he took me for granted, etc. He drove an hour from his school to our town to come and spend time with me before I left. Again, we left off on a positive note and it was nice to know that he had realized how special what we had was during my absence.

 

The next few weeks we remained contact almost constantly, and he would continue to tell me that he loved me, even though I would remind him that doing that was making it harder for me. At one point we talked on the phone for four hours straight, and he told me he lvoed me and couldn't wait until I came back to visit in about six weeks.

 

The next six weeks were confusing, I felt him getting more distant. Some days he would text me normally and others he would reply with one word messages and seem completely unengaged. We got into a few arguments during this time, most notably when I called him out for not replying to me. He had said he was depressed and I was trying to help him, and he 'left me on read'. I told him that I was 'tired of the head games, shouldn't have to deal with them from 500 miles away like I did at home," etc. We didn't talk for a few days, and I eventually reached out and he said he was put off by me saying he played games during our relationship. I told him he was giving me mixed signals with the hot/cold. We made up, but I guess it had a damper on the relationship. Sometimes when we would talk he would be snarky and always disagree with whatever I had to say, but mostly I just dealt with it. Meanwhile, I had been dealing with my own severe depression while away from home.

 

Fast forward to when I went to visit, and I ran into him while visiting his friends at his school. He acted like I was almost a stranger, and I spent most of my time home being utterly heartbroken, reminiscing about how he had said he couldn't wait for me to come home. On my last night, after I had decided it was probably over, he texted me out of the blue. He said he was sorry, he had been having a really hard time in college, he thought I was mad at him, and he had caught feelings again for one of my 'friends' who had tried to get between us in the past and it had confused him. I told him that by going back to her, a girl who had never been, and would never be interested in him (her words), he had ripped my heart out. He spent the next hour or so begging me to meet, saying he loved me, apologizing, etc. I finally agreed to meet up with him, and he cried in my car and apologized profusely for hurting me. He said he woud try harder to stay in contact with me, and he was obviously genuinely sorry. Now, I'm not so sure if he was apologizing because he felt for me or he didn't want to live with the guilt. Anyway, I felt bad for him, sobbing in the carseat next to me. I missed him like crazy. And we ended up making out in the back of my car for a good two hours. At the end of it, I asked him where this left us, and he didn't give me a definitive answer. Reg flag.

 

The next few weeks back at school were incredibly hard, for many reasons, not just because he went back to the hot and cold. He would tell me he loved me to get me to send him nudes, and then not reply for hours/deliberately seem unengaged. He would tell me how special I was, that he didn't deserve me, that I made him tear up when I told him I wanted to make sure he was always okay, etc, but treat me like just another option. He'd say he couldn't wait to see me again, then act like he couldn't care less.

 

A few days before I was due to visit, he started to seemingly do things to send me messages. Sending me snapchats of girls in his dorm, cryptic tweets like "random texts out of nowhere are the best,", etc. Finally, I went back home for Thanksgiving. I asked him to hang out. We did for about two or so hours, and I could tell he was being more distant, saying things to push me away, kind of. At the end of the night, he basically said it was over and he didn't have feelings, but he still wanted to hang out and be friends. I was crushed. I tried to get more out of him, he didn't have much to say. He said there was no one else, we had just been through a lot and texting isn't the same, so he lost feelings. I told him I couldn't help but feel a little used, and asked him why he would string me along for all this time if he lost feelings. He said that his new roommates had told him "you have to have sex with her" about me, didn't really inquire about that anymore. The interesting thing is that I had been planning to transfer to the school he goes to (not because of him, because of many other factors that aren't important to the story) and he knew this. Maybe that scared him.

 

I went home and blocked him on everything, just for my own sake. I needed to avoid all traces of him to maintain my sanity. Since then, I've bounced back in forth from "I will never give him the opportunity to hurt me like this again" and "I hope he realizes how huge of a mistake this was and begs for forgiveness/me back". I did no contact for 3 weeks, and last week, to my HORRIBLE luck, I pocket dialed him (I know that seems unbelievable and deliberate, but I swear on my parents' lives). I hung up before it could go to voicemail. He called me back, left a voicemail saying, "i saw you called, i wanted to know if you needed anything or if it was just accidental" and another "sorry that voicemail sounded rude, call me back if you wanna talk". I texted him saying it was an accident, and he said don't worry about it. And then I couldn't take the weirdness of it, the idea that we were strangers (we had been so close) and I left him a voicemail telling him that me going MIA was for my own sake, I didn't have any resentment (not entirely true, but) and no hard feelings. He sent me a text back saying he got the voicemail, and was admittedly put off that I said he used me, said we couldn't hang out again, and blocked him on everything, but he understood it was 'coping mechanisms' and there were no hard feelings. I replied cheerfully just to be pleasant saying exactly, I just needed some space to get my head right, I still wanted to be friends just that it would take time, etc. He replied saying 'anytime' (in response to me saying 'thanks for being understanding').

 

That was pretty much the last interaction we had. I have been really trying to get over him but to no avail. There have been other attractive, interesting guys who have tried to get me to hang out with them and I just can't shake the feeling that I cannot be emotionally available because I am still so hun gup on my ex. I am trying to not get my hopes up but I just feel like, in time, something will happen and it's not over. I know how much I meant to him, despite his reluctance to show it sometimes. I think that is just because of his immaturity. He told me that he would read the letter I wrote him at the end of the summer and cry, but still not be responsive. Also, I am transferring back to the school he goes to. As much as I want to deny it, a part of me hopes that he will see me around and realize what he misses. All I ever wanted was to be good to him. I wanted him to see himself how I saw him. I just wanted to love him. That's all. He is a sensitive and insecure person, and he said I made him feel like his insecurities weren't true and that I really cared for him. I was so good to him, and we both know it.

 

I'm so sorry this was so long, but I think the details are necessary for people to give an opinion on what they think. Is there any chance of reconciliation? Will he come crawling back (not that I'd be ready to give myself up again, but it would be nice to know it isn't one sided)? Do you think, giving our recent interactions, he might not be over me? I mean he obviously cared enough to leave voicemails and express his frustrations.. Anyways, thank you so much for reading this. Any input you may have will inevitably help me. I need something besides my own thoughts to give me some clarity on this tiring situation.

 

Also, I can't stop worrying about him moving on to somebody else/ a past flame, so any input on that would be helpful. He's definitely not a guy who gets around or talks to a ton of girls (mstly because of his insecurities), but you never know, he did get in contact with that 'friend' and has always really been hung up on her. One day it will hit him that she isn't coming around, though, and that's going to suck for him when he realized he gave up something good for something that never even existed.

[Viceroy]

I think its best that you take steps to move forward in your life. You noted that " not that I'd be ready to give myself up again", seems like you're wanting some kind of validation from him. Furthermore, it sounds like this guy is really immature, and the fact that after you sent him nudes, he didn't talk much to you sounds like he was just using you. I think your best bet is to continue to block him, and focus on positive actions, journaling would be a good idea, in addition to exercise.

 

Reconciliation is a tough road, and both parties have to be willing to try. I don't think your ex is interested in that at all, and are you really interested in someone who is focused on someone else? Once he realizes that she isn't coming around, do you really want to be his second option? This guy is interested in playing a lot of mind games, and you're only going to be met with frustration. If he does move on to someone else, recognize that it is his choice, and he is losing someone who really valued and care for him. I think it's best for you to take steps toward moving on, no doubt it's a hard thing to do, but that's all you can really do at this point. If you text him or call him, I think it's only going to reek of your desperation, and you really don't want that!

[babyblue13]

Yeah, as much as it kills me to admit it, I know you're right.

It's not that I just want the validation, I really do wish things could work out for us again, I just mean I wouldn't give myself up i.e. I wouldn't just give in if the opportunity presented itself, it would take a lot of understanding on both of our parts. Not that it's going to happen though.

I strongly believe that when he grows up some he will regret it. Not necessarily letting me go, but definitely the way he went about it.

I think the reason I can't move on is because we were such good friends, and I've also lost that in the process. But I suppose that's the price you pay for turning a friendship into something more.

And it's not that he never tried, he did contact me a couple times a week for the 3 or so months, it's just that the nature of our conversations changed. I can't really be mad about that though because I was 500 miles away.

But at the end of the day, only time will make things feel better, and you're right, all I can do is go on with my life. Me wanting him to come crawling back is probably just a defense mechanism. But I think it's just the human condition to hold onto a thread of hope.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately LDRs are very difficult and often people opt to date locally particularly if there is not much foundation to the relationship and it can return to "just friends".

he had caught feelings again for one of my 'friends'

[babyblue13]

Unfortunately LDRs are very difficult and often people opt to date locally particularly if there is not much foundation to the relationship and it can return to "just friends".

 

Yeah, it's not his fault he lost feelings when i was 500 miles away. I think he was keeping his options open for when I come back to visit, but when he found out I was coming back figured it would have to either end or be a full fledged relationship. The latter scaring him. Some of my friends think he may try to get me back once he starts seeing me around, but I'm not going to count on it & that would inevitably fail too.