My Advice on No Contact and giving your all on relationship

[Hawaii96814]

I met Karen early this January of 2016 in Hong Kong. We have clicked well and had a great chemistry. After 2 months of talking, we started to take things seriously and was dating exclusively by March 2016. The only problem was my business is in Hawaii and she lives in Hong Kong. To make the story short, this relationship became LDR.

 

I would fly 26 hrs round trip every month to meet up with her up. Either in Hong Kong or I would fly her to another country for our mini vacation. I would be bringing gifts to her and for her parents every time we met up. I would send her money to treat her parents once in awhile for a good dinner. On April 2016, she resigned from her work because she didn't want to work for her dad. During those times, she was under stressed because she still obligated to pay her rent to her parents and some other bills.

 

As a good boyfriend and had the financial means, I offered to help my girlfriend who I love dearly. I let her use my other ATM card with $2,000 limit per month from April - October. We visited Taiwan (May), Japan (June), Manila (July), Thailand August and Hawaii (September) Then by October after spending the whole September with me in Hawaii, we talked about getting married next year 2017 and us moving to San Francisco.

 

Like any relationship, they will also be a down times. On November, the 1st problem was my gift for her birthday got lost in the mail which she didn't believe and she was super upset. I bought her a Celine bag worth $2,400 but told her don't worry because it's insured. I assure her we will get our money from insurance to buy her a new bag. Then the 2nd problem was because I made her my priority, my business kinda suffer a bit and told her I could only support her for $1500 on November because I need to sort my business and I promise her my business will be back to normal on December and I'll need to focus. The 3rd problem is I bought her a $20,000 engagement ring contrary to the $26,000 she wanted and this made her super upset. I told her we need to cut the budget because in Chinese Tradition, the groom needs to pay the bride's parents in order to marry their daughter. In my case, her family were asking me $60K USD before marrying their daughter.

 

She ended finding a temporary job to supplement her income on November but this changes everything. She started to text me less and less. The good morning text that was there the first thing she wakes up is no longer there. I asked her if she still want our relationship, she vowed to work things out since she already told her parents we are getting married. After 1 week, she broke up with me and told me she can't trust me anymore. She didn't believe I sent her bag and told me she can't have a relationship to a person she can't trust. She even brought up one occasion when I told her I know how to swim which I didn't. She told me her friends think she's too good for me and also she brought up me buying $26K engagement ring I promise her.

 

I was so broken hearted and devastated felt like my world has come to an end. The relationship I valued is gone in a blink of an eye. I was shocked that the most important person in my life is gone and possible that I won't see her for the rest of my life. All of my plans and dreams for us are now going to the trash. Like most, I begged and pleaded not to give up on our relationship and give it another chance. I begged for 2.5 weeks and all she said was "she's no longer in love with me and she's happy without me." I'm in no contact now for 9 days and had the chance to reflect back on the relationship. I realised I had been a good bf and there's no way to feel sorry for myself. Folks, It's possible to give your all in a relationship and still come out empty handed. I'm still healing from broken heart but it does gets better everyday. I still catch myself looking at our old pictures and some occasional flashback on all of our good memories we shared but I just shakes my head thinking how can she just threw everything away. Folks, Hang in there and keep the No Contact it will really beneficial row your own healing. Please don't stalk their social media or you will be just over analysing everything you see and it won't be good for your own healing. If my ex or your ex ever comes back, do you really want to work things out with someone who shattered your heart into pieces?

[gebaird]

Wow, it honestly sounds like she was using you for your money. I don't see how you could have done more, and think you were treated very unfairly.

 

On the plus side, at least you found out what she was really like before paying the $60k!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this this happened. If she really loved you, a purse and a ring size would not have mattered. Absolutely you can give your all and it's not the right one.

 

Good you are no contact and reflecting on this. In time you will see that had you married, nothing would ever make her happy or be good enough and that is a hell not worth living through.

in Chinese Tradition, the groom needs to pay the bride's parents in order to marry their daughter. In my case, her family were asking me $60K USD before marrying their daughter.she broke up with me and told me she can't trust me anymore. She didn't believe I sent her bag and told me she can't have a relationship to a person she can't trust. She told me her friends think she's too good for me and also she brought up me buying $26K engagement ring I promise her.I'm in no contact now for 9 days and had the chance to reflect back on the relationship.

[heartbr0k3n]

I was just about to send my ex a nasty message, but the title of this thread got my attention and stopped me from doing so. I'm sorry this happened to you. Who knows what she would have demanded if you married. You could have lost your entire business just to give her the life she wants/wanted.

[Hawaii96814]

I was just about to send my ex a nasty message, but the title of this thread got my attention and stopped me from doing so. I'm sorry this happened to you. Who knows what she would have demanded if you married. You could have lost your entire business just to give her the life she wants/wanted.

 

Please don't send any message to your ex. You will just feel awful and any progress you made on healing will be back from square one. For now the most important person is you. Focus on improving yourself and be awesome. The best revenge to an ex is be successful. I told my ex that I already accepted the breakup and her walking away from my life. I said to her "I wish her good luck in her future and now I can just focus back on my business and become a millionaire lol.

[Hawaii96814]

Wow, it honestly sounds like she was using you for your money. I don't see how you could have done more, and think you were treated very unfairly.

 

On the plus side, at least you found out what she was really like before paying the $60k!

 

Honestly, there were times after the breakup I was thinking if she really did loves me. I feel like it was more she needed me more than she loves me. Like you said, I don't see how could I have done more to that relationship. I told her for any guy to travel 26 hours inside the plane every month and spent money to see you, if that's not love then I don't know what it is.

 

Also, to add insult to injury she used my ATM card twice last week of November and sometimes during December taking out about $900 USD. When I told her about it, her answer is I'm sorry I just needed money. She blame me that its my fault for her being broke of not working for couple months because of me. I just replied by saying why you didn't save all the money I was giving you. Now you broke my heart and decided you don't want to be with me but still want the benefits financially from me.

[Hawaii96814]

Sorry to hear this this happened. If she really loved you, a purse and a ring size would not have mattered. Absolutely you can give your all and it's not the right one.

 

Good you are no contact and reflecting on this. In time you will see that had you married, nothing would ever make her happy or be good enough and that is a hell not worth living through.

 

Thanks Wiseman! A true love won't matter based on what I can give her. It's a life lesson for me and learned a lot from this relationship. I thought I found the love of my life. Sometimes God closed the door on people because he loves us so much and he's trying to save us for more trouble.