I don't know what to believe

[BrittanyDT]

A few months ago I was pregnant and looking through my fiancés activity log on Facebook under videos watched. I found a video of some blonde with a big butt taking her clothes off down to her underwear. When I confronted him about it he said he didn't watch it and his phone had been acting up and turning on doing things in his pocket, so maybe his phone opened up the Facebook app and the video played without his knowledge. So he tells me. We are now married and I think about it sometimes and not it bothers me A LOT! I feel like if I keep believing him then I'm the idiot. He lied to me 3 weeks ago about his daughters mom texting him, it was nothing bad because I had her screen shot the messages to me but he still tried to lie about deleting the messages from her. She was asking for money and he didn't wanna stress me out before the wedding. I need advice as to if I should trust him or not.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

A big booty ho on facebook?? He is a guy. And sounds almost like a saint.

 

You found a stupid video from facebook. That's PG stuff. He wasn't on pornhub.

 

Talk to him. Don't come at him sideways. I think you will get better results

[boltnrun]

Do you expect him to never look at any woman other than you?

 

Do you consider him looking at an online video cheating?

[BrittanyDT]

It still hurts. If I was watching some dude in a man thong he'd leave me.

[BrittanyDT]

Yes, and because he thinks the same of me. I shouldn't be allowed to look at anyone else, I don't want to either. Since we are married now it would be considered adultery. He would have my head if I wanted to check other people out.

[Scoe141]

It still hurts. If I was watching some dude in a man thong he'd leave me.

 

There shouldn't be double standards in relationships. I'd tell him exactly how you feel. Bring up everything you've told us.

 

Everyone needs to feel safe in relationships. If this is something that bothers, don't let anyone change your mind. It's a boundary that you don't want your SO crossing. You have a right to feel that way.

 

Good luck.

[browser]

It's not the porn watching that's the issue, it's the lying about it.

 

No you cannot trust a person who lies to you, unless it's one of those innocent white lies designed to save you from insult or embarassment such as "You don't look fat in that dress".

[j.man]

Not to excuse it, but if you're the type to grill him about his own child's mother texting him, I can see why he lies.

[Wiseman2]

In what country is looking at others adultery? It sounds like he's jealous and controlling or you live in a culture where looking at others is grounds for divorce or killing your spouse?

 

Don't stay with this guy if he thinks looking at others "is adultery" or grounds for divorcing or killing your spouse. That sounds very abusive. Get out Now!

I shouldn't be allowed to look at anyone else, I don't want to either. Since we are married now it would be considered adultery. He would have my head if I wanted to check other people out.

[BrittanyDT]

It's not that at all it's him deleting the text from her because she was asking for 300 dollars due to damages he did to their apartment they had he didn't want me to stress about it during the wedding. Which I understand but he tried to tell me he never deleted any text and he did he turned around and said he did delete them and had been hiding it for two days.

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully he's not a punch holes in the walls type and trying to hide it?

it's him deleting the text from her because she was asking for 300 dollars due to damages he did to their apartment they had he didn't want me to stress about it during the wedding.

[j.man]

It's not that at all it's him deleting the text from her because she was asking for 300 dollars due to damages he did to their apartment they had he didn't want me to stress about it during the wedding. Which I understand but he tried to tell me he never deleted any text and he did he turned around and said he did delete them and had been hiding it for two days.

How did you even know about the text?

[melancholy123]

Yes, and because he thinks the same of me. I shouldn't be allowed to look at anyone else, I don't want to either. Since we are married now it would be considered adultery. He would have my head if I wanted to check other people out.

 

Good luck in your marriage as you are going to need it. Looking at someone of the opposite sex is not adultery

[Wiseman2]

lol. Agree loved that part. Should engaged couple start wearing blindfolds? Btw pregnancy before marriage is ok on this planet?

Looking at someone of the opposite sex is not adultery

]

[Amanda65]

Everyone feels differently about porn in relationships. Just because others don't get upset about it doesn't mean you're feelings are unjustified.

 

If you made in clear to him in the past that that sort of behavior would upset you then it's not okay. Simple as that.

 

Whether he or half the people on the Internet think it's okay. If it's something you draw the line on then he should respect that. He's not going to die if he doesn't watch big bummed blonds undressing.

 

It's not the end of the world though. Tell him that you would rather he didn't and how it makes you feel. Try to keep your cool.

 

As for texting his ex about money? I mean they have to keep in contact for the sake of their child don't they? If there was nothing unsanitary, I don't see an issue.

[CoachCooper]

Emotional Risk Management is your issue. Far too many drive down the road in relationships without assessing problems that were problems before vows were exchanged. You need a reset button. Establish what you both view as emotionally healthy and see if the discussion violates your marriage vows or your inner vows.

[CoachCooper]

Have you communicated how the behavior made you feel to your husband? If so, what was your husband's response to how it made you feel. What kind of value does your husband's response indicate he places on you?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately his response of defending himself with a lame is excuse is often a response to the "I feel" stuff.

Have you communicated how the behavior made you feel to your husband? If so, what was your husband's response to how it made you feel.

When I confronted him about it he said he didn't watch it and his phone had been acting up and turning on doing things in his pocket, so maybe his phone opened up the Facebook app and the video played without his knowledge. So he tells me.

[CoachCooper]

Do you feel like the trust in your relationship has been breached and he is minimizing your feelings?