He cannot trust me...

[Eniram]

Good evening !

 

First, I am sorry for my English, I am french so I may be a little bit wrong...

I am a 22 years old girls and I am a student. My boyfriend and I know eachother for almost 8 month.. We are in a distance relationship but we manage to see eachother every two weekends.

After my graduation I am planning to go and live with him (In less than one year)

 

We love eachother a lot but my boyfriend cannot trust me and we are trying to understand why and to solve this problem together.

 

The problem is that it is complicated for us to understand where this come from.

 

I don't really know if he is right when he is saying that the way I act is the problem. So I will tell you what are the issues one by one and I would like to know if he is acting paranoid or if I am the problem.

 

- I went to spend a week end at my bestfriend place and she is living with 3 flatmates, 2 of them are men.I didn't tell him, and I only told him when he asked because I didn't think it was important. So my boyfriend told me that he didn't know any girl that would act like that. I personnally didn't understand his reaction because I love him and I would not cheat on him (I never cheated before) plus I was there to see my best friend, not to hit on people. He also was upset (same week end) because I wanted to invite one of my friend (and ask his number to one other friend) at her party and I didn't tell him before.

 

-I lied about stuffs. At the begining of our relationship, I told him I left my ex one year ago but it was actually five moonth. He was really upset about that. I told him that I was not talking to any guys since we were together but I actually talked to old friends but I was scared that he would be jealous of my friends. These lies were small to me but are really bad for him... I lied because I was really scared to loose him and he is really mad about him and obviously it is making him trusting me less... But all the little lies adding up makes him starting not trusting me.

 

-I kept some of my exes on facebook because I just wanted to know what they will become and he is mad about that. Now I deleted them. But he actualy think I am still talking to some guys on facebook.

 

-He asked me about my past relationships a lot and I told him I've already dated online, date a carpooling guy or had sex with someone I didn't really like just for affection and he told me he usually don't like girls like that.

 

-Some guys I was with in the past used to send me s picture, or do the helicopter... I also found it weird, and didn't like seing it... but I told him as a joke that he should do it and he was shocked and upset that I asked. He actually doesn't believe that I was joking.This is also a reason why he is doubting about us.

 

He is american (that is why I am writing this post on an english) and I am French, so we were thinking that we may don't understand eachother because of a cultural gap.

But it could also be the age, because I am 22 and he is 33.

Most of his friends, Americans and French, agree with him that he should leave me.

But I don't understand. I never cheated on any guy and I am really in love with him.

He says he doesn't know any girl that act like me.. But my friends and people around me are not shocked. I am actually looking for a stable relationship.

 

What do you think about my behaviour and his behaviour ?

What can we do to make him trust me ?

I really think we will have a great futur if we make it work now.

I really love him and this situation makes me feel depressed... I hope we could do something.

 

We write this together and we tried to agree on different versions of the situation

 

Thanks for reading me !

[gebaird]

Trust issues are usually two-sided. If you stop lying and your boyfriend stops being so controlling and insecure, perhaps you can make this work.

 

Loving someone means accepting their past. Your sexual history is only an issue if he wants to make it into one.

[Wiseman2]

How did you meet him with an 11 yr age gap? Unfortunately it sounds like he is controlling, possessive and jealous and you are afraid of him. Sorry but these are all red flags.

 

It sounds like being honest with him will cause too many problems because of his attitude and intense jealousy. He constantly puts you down and insinuates that you are loose. He claims his friends think he's too good for you.

 

Please speak with your parents, friends and family about his controlling jealous behaviors. Do Not move there.

 

Begin to google and read about "les relations abusives"

 

 

I know eachother for almost 8 month.. We are in a distance relationship but we manage to see eachother every two weekends. I was scared that he would be jealous of my friends.

-He asked me about my past relationships a lot and I told him I've already dated online, date a carpooling guy or had sex with someone I didn't really like just for affection and he told me he usually don't like girls like that. I am 22 and he is 33.

[nutbrownhare]

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN!

 

He is controlling and emotionally abusive, and getting more involved with him will be the biggest mistake of your life - especially as you will be more dependent on him if you do.

 

To an extent, it will be easier because you are long distance... but you need to get your own life together, hang out with friends of your own age and tell him that, sorry, it isn't working for you.

 

Wiseman is right about abusive relationships, and you need to educate yourself about them. Guys like this often target much younger women because they're more likely to be naive and not spot the signs!

[bowen]

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN!

 

He is controlling and emotionally abusive, and getting more involved with him will be the biggest mistake of your life - especially as you will be more dependent on him if you do.

 

To an extent, it will be easier because you are long distance... but you need to get your own life together, hang out with friends of your own age and tell him that, sorry, it isn't working for you.

 

Wiseman is right about abusive relationships, and you need to educate yourself about them. Guys like this often target much younger women because they're more likely to be naive and not spot the signs!

 

Is he insecure or she just lying and causing him to be that way, recognize this!

[nutbrownhare]

Is he insecure or she just lying and causing him to be that way, recognize this!

 

You cannot 'cause' another person to behave like this, though abusers will try and convince their victims otherwise. Wiseman2 has put up a couple of useful links if you want to find out more about abusive relationships.

[bowen]

You cannot 'cause' another person to behave like this, though abusers will try and convince their victims otherwise. Wiseman2 has put up a couple of useful links if you want to find out more about abusive relationships.

 

My point was not whether or not she caused him to be abusive, it was more to allude to the fact that if you decide to stay with a cheater for example or someone that had has broken your trust(e.g., lied) this will obviously cause someone to feel insecure which means not trusting someone else

 

Finally, insecurity presents in people a variety of ways but when you lie to your partner and you decide to stay with them you will feel less trusting and insecure. That's a certain

 

Edit: It's important that she keeps her word and doesn't lie or else all potential relationships and partners will fall apart