TheLoser Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Hi guys. I'm not really sure if I want to post this or .. I got stuck in my own mind game. -.- So, help! Let's start from the beginning. I saw abused, mocked and bullied through 98% of my school days. I grew up in a very insecure guy, and of couse - bullying left his mark. I'm not even sure if I want to continue my life in any way. After a lot of rejection, I kinda gave up and then .. I met Her. We went out few times, and today she told me that she is in love with me. I told her that I'm not the guy she is in love with me, 'couse she is in love with her-version-of-me, and I'm not really the guy from her vision. I told her that I need to think about some things. I'm in love with her from our first meet.. and 4 months later nothings changed. I just love her more and more every day. You could ask me: wheres the problem dude? Are you freakin' insane? ... I am. Problems are my emotions. Since I was abused: I feel a lot of hate torwards people, and I will probably never feel anything else then hate until my woulds will be healed. Sometimes I feel so agressive that I think that Devil is inside of my stomach and he wants to get out of me. Second: I will probably never love myself, 'couse I look like the person who destroyed my life ... I really hate when I look myself in the mirror and I see Him. Third: I really don't feel like we have some sort of connection, 'couse I was in love with someone else, and I felt like I know that someone my whole life, and I just don't have the same feeling with her. I know that: we will never be a perfect couple. I know that I can learn a lot from her. I know that she cares a LOT. I DO too, God believe me I DO.. but I just can't. I can't pull her with me to the bottom. I don't want to be that selfish. I don't know what else to say.. so. Help! Tnx, Loser.
gebaird Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 If you're not ready for a relationship, don't be afraid to tell her that. Are you in therapy?
CurlyQSue Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 I think you have a lot of repairing to do for yourself. You guys may not understand it but if you have hate for yourself and hurt in your heart....it is extremely hard to get through a good relationship that way. It isn't impossible.....but it is rare and not recommended.
DaNgeRTasTiC Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Someone tells you they love you and you do the natural thing....convince them they don't love you? I would seek counseling before getting into a relationship. Inwouldntbimagi fair to her. I'm sorry to hear about your past. That is horrible. That being said, it's in your PAST. Leave it there and move forward
TheLoser Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 If you're not ready for a relationship, don't be afraid to tell her that. Are you in therapy? I'm in therapy for last ~3 years, I tried a lot of different medications, I went on group talk with ~20 other people in group, I was on individual talk with therapist for some time... Long history. I don't know what I want.. no one was ever in love with me, and I thought that she will friendzone me.. but this changed things. -.- I think you have a lot of repairing to do for yourself. You guys may not understand it but if you have hate for yourself and hurt in your heart....it is extremely hard to get through a good relationship that way. It isn't impossible.....but it is rare and not recommended. I was thinking the same way, tnx for answer.
TheLoser Posted December 20, 2016 Author Posted December 20, 2016 Someone tells you they love you and you do the natural thing....convince them they don't love you? I would seek counseling before getting into a relationship. Inwouldntbimagi fair to her. I'm sorry to hear about your past. That is horrible. That being said, it's in your PAST. Leave it there and move forward Point is? I was expecting yes/no answer to my debate. Not this. xD Thank you for post anyway.
Wiseman2 Posted December 20, 2016 Posted December 20, 2016 Ok just a thought. What if she does in fact love the "real you" but you hate the haunting you that is a product of your mind? Keep in mind she's not inside your past or your head. Maybe she sees qualities that are real that you can't. If you are not ready for intimacy or relationships for other reasons that's fine too. I told her that I'm not the guy she is in love with me, 'couse she is in love with her-version-of-me, and I'm not really the guy from her vision. I told her that I need to think about some things. I know that I can learn a lot from her. I know that she cares a LOT. I DO too, God believe me I DO.. but I just can't.
SooSad33 Posted December 21, 2016 Posted December 21, 2016 If you don't feel it, then yes, admit it. And I HIGHLY suggest you seek some therapy, to help you deal with this anger/demons in you. Cant exactly move forward in life in a healthy way with such inner demons... not being happy w/ yourself etc. Good thing, is you KNOW you're damaged and admit it. Now, to take some time on your own.. to consider working on these things. Dont bring someone down with you.. agreed.
TheLoser Posted December 21, 2016 Author Posted December 21, 2016 Ok just a thought. What if she does in fact love the "real you" but you hate the haunting you that is a product of your mind? Keep in mind she's not inside your past or your head. Maybe she sees qualities that are real that you can't. If you are not ready for intimacy or relationships for other reasons that's fine too. I kinda feel bipolar about some things, I know that I can be kind, sweet, caring, good with kids and so on.. when I'm with her I'm really happy and I can't stop smiling. But when I'm at home I usually cry a lot. Some day I cried for 1 hour and I couldn't stop. About month ago, I was on excursion with people from the group in hospital... And when I got home I felt like , I've never been more sad. I just feel sad 95% of my time. I really never belonged anywhere so.. hard to explain. I just feel like s**t after some social activity.. I really never belonged to this world also. I never acomplished anything.. U get the point. She is in love with that 5%-time-me, and I know that. If you don't feel it, then yes, admit it. And I HIGHLY suggest you seek some therapy, to help you deal with this anger/demons in you. Cant exactly move forward in life in a healthy way with such inner demons... not being happy w/ yourself etc. Good thing, is you KNOW you're damaged and admit it. Now, to take some time on your own.. to consider working on these things. Dont bring someone down with you.. agreed. I think I'll go with the flow. I'm not too smart today. I know last sentence - that's what I'm afraid of. I really don't want to see her becoming depressed like me.
TheLoser Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 If anyone wanted to know: we broke up. I think it was smart decision, 'couse I feel guilt.. and when I feel guilt - it means that everything is "ok". I cried for 2 hours some day, but no-one really cares about that...
barry509 Posted January 10, 2017 Posted January 10, 2017 Hey..... I hope u guys are still friends.... Cuz its hard to find a girl who actually loves u.... Don't avoid or abandon her...... When u get better.... If she still loves u then..... Ask her out..... Regards... Barry
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