He left me hangin.

[CurlyQSue]

Today I realized he isn't going to be texting me back. We have talked since august and started dating and hanging out beginning of last month. We talked every day since day one and he was always super sweet, nice, and respectful to me. He made it a point for me to know that he was completely in it with me and wanted nobody else. Even when I was totally fine with not making anything official....he still chose to say he'd prefer a relationship. He texted me every morning "good morning beautiful" and would ask about my day EVERY day! Complete gentleman. We had sex a couple days after we first started dating...which was about a month ago. It was a pretty great aspect but it wasn't all he was after or so it seemed because he would always take time to cater to everything else. (dates and stuff) but the last week things have changed ....he stopped texting me as often and what was once all day conversations, turned into every 4 hours responses.....which turned into....this being day 2 of no texts at all from him. He completely cut me off with no warning or explanation and I am left completely confused. why escalate it past friends or even friends with benefits be super sweet and go above and beyond and then out of no where just completely stop?? I feel like I need an explanation but I don't want to come off clingy or like I can't take a hint.....I don't wanna be where I'm not needed....but what happened??

[Wiseman2]

Why did it take so long to meet up? Is this long distance? How often did you see each other in person? What did you decide on...a relationship? fwb?.

 

Have you tried messaging him? Was there an argument? Why do you think he is fading out and now not texting for days?

We have talked since august and started dating and hanging out beginning of last month. We had sex a couple days after we first started dating...which was about a month ago. 2 of no texts at all from him. He completely cut me off with no warning or explanation and I am left completely confused. why escalate it past friends or even friends with benefits.

[CurlyQSue]

we originally worked together and never talked. just knew of each other. We were both in relationships before anyways. Once I got out of mine he had been out of his for several months. He asked me to hangout when he found out. I confronted him 2 weeks into talking with him and asked what he wanted this to be "relationship" or just "fwb" He responded and said he was waiting for me to decide since I just got out of a relationship and then said he wanted a relationship with me. A week later....I had an insecure moment....and he reminded me he was totally devoted to me and wasn't going anywhere. (without me asking him and the insecurity wasn't about him...but friends)

 

We had an argument little while ago because I didn't approve of a chick I knew he liked hanging around with him and his friends. (I blew it a little out of proportion....but it seemed he forgave me) This happened a week before he stopped talking to me as much and almost two weeks to this day. I don't think this stopped him from talking to me because we went back to normal and hung out after the fact.

 

He didn't completely stop texting me until not texting me at all saturday....and barely sunday and I stopped texting him first yesterday and today and he hasn't tried contacting me at all.....before he would always text me first if I didn't get to it before him

[katrina1980]

Today I realized he isn't going to be texting me back. We have talked since august and started dating and hanging out beginning of last month. We talked every day since day one and he was always super sweet, nice, and respectful to me. He made it a point for me to know that he was completely in it with me and wanted nobody else. Even when I was totally fine with not making anything official....he still chose to say he'd prefer a relationship. He texted me every morning "good morning beautiful" and would ask about my day EVERY day! Complete gentleman. We had sex a couple days after we first started dating...which was about a month ago. It was a pretty great aspect but it wasn't all he was after or so it seemed because he would always take time to cater to everything else. (dates and stuff) but the last week things have changed ....he stopped texting me as often and what was once all day conversations, turned into every 4 hours responses.....which turned into....this being day 2 of no texts at all from him. He completely cut me off with no warning or explanation and I am left completely confused. why escalate it past friends or even friends with benefits be super sweet and go above and beyond and then out of no where just completely stop?? I feel like I need an explanation but I don't want to come off clingy or like I can't take a hint.....I don't wanna be where I'm not needed....but what happened??

 

One word. Commitment-phobe.

 

CLASSIC CASE.

 

Read "Men Who Can't Love." It's on amazon.com I believe.

 

You are not alone, hundreds of stories from women in that book saying the same exact thing, same exact scenario as yours. Almost down to the letter! It's just so typical of CP's, it's uncanny!

 

Guys come on fast and strong, but then "freak out," lose interest, and suddenly they're gone as fast as they appeared, often with NO explanation or an explanation that makes absolutely NO sense.

 

They usually come back, crying.

 

If/when he does, DON'T fall for it.

 

The pattern will just repeat until he freaks out again, and bails. Then rinse/repeat over and over until you are so emotionally exhausted, you finally just end it FOR GOOD, FOREVER.

 

I was actually friends with a woman a few years back who went through this **** for SEVEN years with her CP boyfriend. It was actually pretty pathetic TBH.

 

Don't be "that" girl.

 

I would suggest you block and delete this turkey, and consider yourself lucky for dodging a bullet before you became even more invested.

[j.man]

It's a situation we can't evaluate just from your end of things. To you, it's out of the blue. To him, you could have displayed 100 red flags. And, to be fair to him, the fact you two are barely into dating but you've already shown your insecure side and you've raised an argument over who he hangs out with isn't exactly promising. Just because he may have seemed cool with it after the fact doesn't mean something little since then couldn't have reminded him and got him thinking more about it.

 

I'm also curious as to whether you've tried reaching out to him.

[Wiseman2]

Do you still see him at work? Unfortunately it sounds like he reflected on this argument and over time decided to pull back. He may have "kissed and made up" at the time, but then thought it over and is deciding to fade out.

 

He may not want relationship drama or jealousy or possessiveness so soon after breaking up with someone. Why pretend you're ok with fwb or 'not official' if you are freaking out about female friends his friends hang out with?

 

Have you messaged him? Are there plans to see each other?

we originally worked together. We were both in relationships. We had an argument little while ago because I didn't approve of a chick I knew he liked hanging around with him and his friends. (I blew it a little out of proportion....but it seemed he forgave me) This happened a week before he stopped talking to me as much and almost two weeks to this day.

[CurlyQSue]

if it was stated up front that this was all we were was "friends with benefits" then it would've been fine....it was the fact that we had agreed to only be exclusive to each other that it bothered me I guess. I don't see him anymore at work....we don't work together anymore (before we started talking) I just wish if that was how he felt that I could have that said and not just be ignored is all.

[katrina1980]

we originally worked together and never talked. just knew of each other. We were both in relationships before anyways. Once I got out of mine he had been out of his for several months. He asked me to hangout when he found out. I confronted him 2 weeks into talking with him and asked what he wanted this to be "relationship" or just "fwb" He responded and said he was waiting for me to decide since I just got out of a relationship and then said he wanted a relationship with me. A week later....I had an insecure moment....and he reminded me he was totally devoted to me and wasn't going anywhere. (without me asking him and the insecurity wasn't about him...but friends)

 

We had an argument little while ago because I didn't approve of a chick I knew he liked hanging around with him and his friends. (I blew it a little out of proportion....but it seemed he forgave me) This happened a week before he stopped talking to me as much and almost two weeks to this day. I don't think this stopped him from talking to me because we went back to normal and hung out after the fact.

 

He didn't completely stop texting me until not texting me at all saturday....and barely sunday and I stopped texting him first yesterday and today and he hasn't tried contacting me at all.....before he would always text me first if I didn't get to it before him

 

This^ changes things a bit.

 

It seems you allowed your insecurities and anxieties to get the best of you, which isn't smart, and will send many men running especially in this early stage. Women too if roles were flipped.

 

You didn't "approve" of a chick he and his friends were hanging around with? What was that about?

 

Even if that is the case, it is certainly not wise, and actually a mistake, to argue with him about it.

 

It's really not your place to be approving or disapproving who he can hang out with.

 

I wouldn't do that in a LONG term RL, let alone a relationship of one month.

 

My guess is he saw all these as red flags and decided it's best to fade out.

[CurlyQSue]

yeah I guess that makes sense

[Wiseman2]

Getting into a jealous rage about a female friend has nothing to do with Your Choice to try to be the Cool Chick and claim you were ok with "not official" or "exclusive fwb".

 

He isn't dating this woman so why the drama? Was your rage about the relationship terms or that there was a female among the group of friends. That latter is quite scary, to be honest. it was stated up front that this was all we were was "friends with benefits" then it would've been fine....it was the fact that we had agreed to only be exclusive to each other that it bothered me I guess.

[CurlyQSue]

He stopped texting me one night and when I was out (knowing we were both going to be in the same areas with our friends) I ended up seeing him out...dancing with this chick. The chick he had earlier expressed he used to have feelings for....but now claims she is taken and it wasn't like that. I also wouldn't call it "rage" I was mad upon seeing it but then expressed my apologies for possible misunderstanding as adults the next day

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

One word. Commitment-phobe.

 

CLASSIC CASE.

 

Read "Men Who Can't Love." It's on amazon.com I believe.

 

You are not alone, hundreds of stories from women in that book saying the same exact thing, same exact scenario as yours. Almost down to the letter! It's just so typical of CP's, it's uncanny!

 

Guys come on fast and strong, but then "freak out," lose interest, and suddenly they're gone as fast as they appeared, often with NO explanation or an explanation that makes absolutely NO sense.

 

They usually come back, crying.

 

If/when he does, DON'T fall for it.

 

The pattern will just repeat until he freaks out again, and bails. Then rinse/repeat over and over until you are so emotionally exhausted, you finally just end it FOR GOOD, FOREVER.

 

I was actually friends with a woman a few years back who went through this **** for SEVEN years with her CP boyfriend. It was actually pretty pathetic TBH.

 

Don't be "that" girl.

 

I would suggest you block and delete this turkey, and consider yourself lucky for dodging a bullet before you became even more invested.

 

Hmmm. I'm sorry but what she is talking about is a little different than what you're reffering to. Losing interest for literally no reason or not giving a reason and losing interest over an insecure "new girl" creating a situation within an already established group of friends is a little different. I totally get where the guy was coming from and honestly ten years ago I would have done the same thing. I would keep a careful eye on girls I was dating and as soon as I would see the kind of behavior I didn't want or need I would lose interest. It's not that you intentionally hurt the girl, you just get busy and talk less and less.

 

I'm not denying what you seen and I won't question the frustration you exhibit as genuine, but you and I werent there and didn't see. There is another side to the story and for all we know she could be bat $hiT crazy and had a meltdown when confronted with another female.

 

My point is, I see A LOT of people automatically label guys as "commitment-phobes" and it's becoming too common and ridiculous. Dating now is different as well as people in general. Women have an idea of how a man SHOULD act and expect the world. Whe a guy doesn't want to be nagged or bossed around and he stops talking he is automatically labeled.

 

It's for the birds

[CurlyQSue]

well I'm not on either side. I am just stating it from my point of view.....I'm not saying he is wrong.....I just feel it isn't exactly ideal to just up and leave and say nothing. I just would like an explanation.

[CurlyQSue]

is it wrong of me to just ask for that?

[katrina1980]

Hmmm. I'm sorry but what she is talking about is a little different than what you're reffering to. Losing interest for literally no reason or not giving a reason and losing interest over an insecure "new girl" creating a situation within an already established group of friends is a little different. I totally get where the guy was coming from and honestly ten years ago I would have done the same thing. I would keep a careful eye on girls I was dating and as soon as I would see the kind of behavior I didn't want or need I would lose interest. It's not that you intentionally hurt the girl, you just get busy and talk less and less.

 

I'm not denying what you seen and I won't question the frustration you exhibit as genuine, but you and I werent there and didn't see. There is another side to the story and for all we know she could be bat $hiT crazy and had a meltdown when confronted with another female.

 

My point is, I see A LOT of people automatically label guys as "commitment-phobes" and it's becoming too common and ridiculous. Dating now is different as well as people in general. Women have an idea of how a man SHOULD act and expect the world. Whe a guy doesn't want to be nagged or bossed around and he stops talking he is automatically labeled.

 

It's for the birds

 

Thanks, I retracted (see my post no. eight) after I read her subsequent post and learned new info.

 

I agree with your assessment! OP acted a bit "crazy" which sent him running, and rightfully so.

 

Lesson learned for me. I shouldn't be so quick to judge until I get ALL the info.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

is it wrong of me to just ask for that?

 

No I don't think so. People are so flaky nowadays and choose to ignore things instead of face it.

 

Have you tried asking if he is okay and if you did anything to get a reply?

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Thanks, I retracted (see my post no. eight) after I read her subsequent post and learned new info.

 

I agree with your assessment! OP acted a bit "crazy" which sent him running, and rightfully so.

 

Lesson learned for me. I shouldn't be so quick to judge until I get ALL the info.

 

Lol roger that.

3 sides to EVERY story, His,hers.... And the truth lol

[CurlyQSue]

I haven't done anything. I haven't tried talking to him since sunday. Like I said....I didn't want to come off clingy. I guess I needed a little more advice on whether I should just ask or not. But if it's because of me being "potentially bat crazy" I guess I can't get too much more crazy simply by asking one question. lol

[Ms Darcy]

It's a situation we can't evaluate just from your end of things. To you, it's out of the blue. To him, you could have displayed 100 red flags. And, to be fair to him, the fact you two are barely into dating but you've already shown your insecure side and you've raised an argument over who he hangs out with isn't exactly promising. Just because he may have seemed cool with it after the fact doesn't mean something little since then couldn't have reminded him and got him thinking more about it.

 

I'm also curious as to whether you've tried reaching out to him.

 

I think this response is the most fair. I don't think it's fair to label him a commitment phobe based on this situation alone. But I do think we have seen possible glimpses of red flags from you that MAY have turned him off.

[katrina1980]

Yeah I wish could delete my first response calling him a commitment-phobe! Arghh! LOL

[Ms Darcy]

He stopped texting me one night and when I was out (knowing we were both going to be in the same areas with our friends) I ended up seeing him out...dancing with this chick. The chick he had earlier expressed he used to have feelings for....but now claims she is taken and it wasn't like that. I also wouldn't call it "rage" I was mad upon seeing it but then expressed my apologies for possible misunderstanding as adults the next day

 

Well, that would certainly make me feel uncomfortable to see a guy I was dating dancing with a girl I knew he had feelings for.

[Wiseman2]

Why are you sure he ended it? Have you texted him?

I just feel it isn't exactly ideal to just up and leave and say nothing. I just would like an explanation.

[CurlyQSue]

it's ok....I obviously didn't come right out and say this other piece of it... It is hard to give advice without the whole story and both sides.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah I wish could delete my first response calling him a commitment-phobe! Arghh! LOL

 

Sorry, I just read more posts! No worries.

[CurlyQSue]

I'm not sure he ended it but I just don't know what else someone would be saying by slowly but surely not contacting you as much. I am starting to think it's more of a "just take a hint " situation and get lost. I don't see why else I wouldn't be hearing from him as much, But I guess this is why I'd like to ask just to get some clarification. I just think as everyone says...he wasn't really cool with how I acted before. Not totally unforgivable but definitely could be seen as a red flag.