Should I (21 F) tell him (22 M) I can no longer be his friend?

[nurse21]

Basically, I'm in love with my best guy friend. We made out back in September. He tried to have sex. I declined. It made things kind of awkward because I liked him but I don't sleep with guys unless I date them.

 

He stared talking about this girl he liked in front of me. I was really livid. So the one day he invited me over to do homework. I declined and said he just uses me. He became confused and I basically told him he's a jerk and tried to use me for sex while talking about another girl in front of me.

He apologized and said nothing was happening with that girl. He just said "she's someone I've liked since before I became who I am. We're just good friends". He then went on to say that I deserve someone great and that he's not the person he used to be. He basically said he's an .

 

Fastforward a few months, we start talking again more. He tells me I remind him of the Taylor swift song "you belong with me" (weird I know). He invited me over to decorate a Christmas tree at his house alone? Then he invited me to an ugly sweater party at his high school friend's house. I didn't really know anyone there. Then we went back to his house. We were all pretty drunk. I ended up kissing him and he kissed me back. And then I stopped and said it probably wasn't a good idea. And we both kinda agreed that we have a weird friendship. And that it's different. He said we have everything in common he just can't give me what I need.

 

The next morning he made me some eggs and then walked me out to my car. Told me to text him to make sure I got home okay. I did and he replied back right away. But I haven't tried talking to him since (two days ago).

Everyone thinks we're dating. All the people in or program ask if we're a thing and say we would be so cute together. People comment on "the way he looks at me".

 

Summary: Is he just using me? Does he really only see me as a friend? Like why would he ask me to do all these relationship type things...and do you think I ruined the friendship by kissing him?

[Wiseman2]

Agree. You can't be just friends if you are getting jealous about other girls. He's never used you, he propositioned you after you made out with him, but you turned him down.

 

It sounds like since you want to date him, kiss him and sleep over that he would like to be fwb and that you would love that too.

We made out back in September. He tried to have sex. I declined. Then he invited me to an ugly sweater party at his high school friend's house. Then we went back to his house. We were all pretty drunk. I ended up kissing him and he kissed me back. The next morning he made me some eggs

[gebaird]

He definitely likes you, but it seems he feels insecure.

 

I think the two of you need to have a good talk. This definitely isn't a friendship and probably can't be; either it's a relationship or you need to distance yourself from him.

[Wolfshook]

If a girl did this "And then I stopped and said it probably wasn't a good idea." I'd assume she doesnt like me.

[WithLove]

I don't get why you say you love him, but don't want to date him.

[happyfrank]

He is not using you. He likes you but the experience he has had with women turned him into somebody different.

 

Women must of really hurt his feelings.

 

I think friendship only would be best.

[ParisPaulette]

But you aren't doing relationship things, asking you over to his house alone, inviting you to a party where he knows alcohol will be then inviting you back to his house, kissing you and trying to have sex with you all while talking about other girls and telling you very plainly that he cannot and will not give you a relationship - these are all things a guy does (or a girl sometimes) when they want an FWB. That means sex without commitments i.e. he can have sex with you while being free to pursue other women.

 

Is he using you? Well, not really. He's been very upfront that he doesn't see you as girlfriend material, but he IS playing on the fact he knows you like him. And he's hoping he'll get what he wants out of the deal by getting you to give up the goods while letting him remain free to pursue someone he does want to actually date. And yeah, he's smart enough to know inviting you over to his house one-on-one and/or mixing alcohol or some perceived type of housekeep-y thing like decorating a tree (hey, look free labor, he didn't have to do it all himself!) type things into the mix is usually a pretty good recipe for getting someone in bed. Especially if you know they're more into you than you are into them.

 

Toss the whole Taylor Swift song line out the door, that's just a cheesy pickup gimmick - basic Player 101 to overflatter someone by saying, "This song reminds me of you..." Plus if you'll pay attention, the song is about the female wanting the guy, who really only goes for her when she's all dolled up and he then dumps his mean girlfriend for her on the spot, thereby monkeybranching from one relationship to the next. This is not a healthy thing to be teaching anyone. Bottom line, do the opposite of what cheesy pop, R&B and country songs tell you to do in relationships and you'll come out a whole lot better.

 

I'm also sure this guy wouldn't protest if you came over and cleaned his whole house and baked him a cake every night and put dinner on his table either. Free sex? Heck yeah, he'll take that too. No problem, he already tried for that anyways. But none of that is love, it's called "Oh, you're going to give me these goodies? Okay." And when you want a reciprocal it will be, "Hey, I never promised you any of that, you did that of your own free will."

 

So if this guy "uses you" as you put it, you kind of did it of your own free will. If that's not what you want then it's time to stop investing any time in him, stop going over to his house and/or letting him get you into situations where you drink then go to his house, stop talking to him, stop having any contact at all, be blunt and tell him to move on as you both want different things and you aren't going to sleep with him. And then focus on your own life and finding someone else to get interested in who wants a relationship.

 

This one clearly doesn't, but he will happily help himself to whatever you let him. Only thing is if you let him, that's kind of on you too.

[j.man]

You're not a power tool. He can't "use" you. He's told you on multiple occasions that he can't and won't be in a relationship with you. If you don't find the "friendship" fulfilling, end it. If you do, keep it. It's really that simple.

[HeartGoesOn]

Summary: Is he just using me? Does he really only see me as a friend? Like why would he ask me to do all these relationship type things...and do you think I ruined the friendship by kissing him?

 

No, he's not using you, and I'm not sure where that came from? On the other hand, after making the choice to kiss him, the line was crossed where you're no longer in the friendship category.

 

In any event, it would be helpful to know the difference between talking the talk, and walking the walk.

[Zaphod]

It's Christmas etc.

 

Sounds like you two ought to date, to me.

[Mari]

Date him already. Say how you feel and tell him it's either dating or nothing and you going towards NC and healing. This whole friendship thing has both of you worried that you'll lose the friendship and both of you like each other.

[superfan]

Sounds like he wants to be friends with benefits, but you want a relationship. Not going to work.