Please help want to get back with my daughters mom

[eastpointematt]

We have not been together in nearly 10 years our daughter is almost 11. We are both 38 years old. For years we were at eacothers throats and not on very friendly terms mainly because of our stubbornness and her bad choices in men but we our both generally good hearted people. Over the course of the last 6 months or so we have become close and friends finally. I have been there for her alot and done some nice things for her. I have even recently offered to watch her younger daughter (not mine) free of charge so she could work more because financially she isnt doing particularly well. There has even been talk of us moving in together when her lease is up in may for financial reasons and also because it would be good for our daughter. Her most recent boyfriend was a crackhead and pawned alot of her possesions and even some of my daughters and I was as understanding as a father could possibly be instead of going to the court and jeopordizing her custody. I think that was the turning point of her realizing we were on the same team. Thankfully that guy is now in prison where he belongs. Anyways we have been hanging out a bit and 3 weeks ago or so she text me and told me she needs me at 3 am. That text got the wheels spinning in my head about a relationship. Saturday night we went to the bar with some other friends. She confided in me our daughter broke down last week crying that she wants mommy and daddy to be together. I told her it has definately crossed my mind but I worry that if it didnt work out it would destroy our daughter. She agreed and said lets just remain friends for now. At one point I jokingly told her we are both 38 years old and will probably live another 45 years or so and if I was a betting man I'd say we are going to have sex at some point. She said you are probably right but you cant tonight because Im on my period. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction until a guy she has had relations previously with showed up and they began flirting. He is 11 years younger than her and at one point I believe had a drug issue. I dont see them as a long term thing but who knows. I tried to get her to come to another bar with me and I think she thought about it but refused. So not wanting to see the flirtation I left and came back when I did she was gone. In my drunken state I acted quite jealous about the whole situation to her best friend who was still there and even asked if she had went home with that guy. I am quite certain she reported it all back to my ex because the next day she told me some of the things I said and denied going home with him. I played it off like I was just drunk and no big deal and didnt much care. I hope the acting jealous part wasnt too detrimental because I know how the woman psyche can tend to be. Please help!! She is all I have been thinking about!! We are going christmas shopping together wednesday so thats likely next time I see her. Whats my next move? Whats my plan of attack? I havent told her I want to get back but I think it may be obvious it might be on my mind. Shes never been the type to stay single long so I feel I need to act soon. Help!!!

[eastpointematt]

She also recently stated that no boyfriend she has ever been with has ever treated her as well as I did when we were together. I sometimes feel that was part of our downfall. I am nice to a fault and people take advantage of that

[Andrina]

She doesn't sound like a good risk to me. If you wanted to try though, I'd suggest going to intensive long term couples counseling. DO NOT move in together unless you've been in a monogamous, healthy relationship for a minimum of two years. You don't want to put your child on a roller coaster ride of hope and hopes dashed.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately she sounds like she keeps very dangerous men around your daughter. Do you pay child support? Does she work?

 

It sounds like she gets around and still drags random men home. Why are you allowing your daughter to be exposed to this and only thinking about getting lucky with this ex and fishing for a hookup?

 

Who's watching your daughter when she's prowling bars for druggies and you are out drinking and coming on to her? You can let her move in and get some sex but what's going to stop her from random hookups with druggies in bars? If you just want to get laid, what about getting a gf?

Her most recent boyfriend was a crackhead.She agreed and said lets just remain friends for now. if I was a betting man I'd say we are going to have sex at some point. a guy she has had relations previously with showed up. She is all I have been thinking about!! Shes never been the type to stay single long so I feel I need to act soon. Help!!!

[j.man]

If your ex is bringing crack addicted felons into her home with your daughter, you shouldn't be asking how to get her back but how to get your daughter out of there.

 

Her lease is coming to an end and she's pulled the whole "I'll move in but let's start as friends for now..." card. Open your eyes. I could start an office pool for how many months it'll take before she finds another man with a roof and takes your daughter with her.

 

That's a tad cynical, but don't play it fast and loose for the sake of shaky prospects. And don't compromise your daughter's well being simply because it would ruin your chances to get back with your ex.

 

Or are there issues on your end that haven't been shared?

[eastpointematt]

Unfortunately she sounds like she keeps very dangerous men around your daughter. Do you pay child support? Does she work?

 

It sounds like she gets around and still drags random men home. Why are you allowing your daughter to be exposed to this and only thinking about getting lucky with this ex and fishing for a hookup?

 

Who's watching your daughter when she's prowling bars for druggies and you are out drinking and coming on to her? You can let her move in and get some sex but what's going to stop her from random hookups with druggies in bars? If you just want to get laid, what about getting a gf?

 

Yes I pay child support and yes she works but with 2 kids she can only work so much. My daughter was with my mom when we went out to the bar the other evening but that doesnt happen often. Generally speaking one of the 2 of us have her unless we both are working. And he wasnt smoking crack when they got together. She may have known about his past issues however. She is not the type to hookup with random guys she just happens to be single and we all need to get it in sometimes. She has low self esteem so I have been trying to boost her self worth so she is less likely to date these losers. She is truly a great mom and I am constantly reminding her of this fact. Anyways I wasnt asking for reasons it was a bad idea but for a good plan to win her back over. I am certain if we did have sex emotions and feelings would rush back