Emotional and life numbness

[Thill754]

Sorry for the long story try to keep it simple and short to understand. I posted on here about other issues I was going through in life which still are here in a way.

 

Easiest way to describe my current issue is that I'm numb to everything currently in life. I have went to physiatrist, phycologists for help and haven't improved in any sense... major things that are happening in my life that I should be feeling I am not. I do the obvious things that should help myself; working out(lost 30lbs), hanging out with friends, doing new and old hobbies that should spark something, eating right, doing fantastic in college, have a loving family, have a good job. Got it all going for me it seems. But I don't feel any joy out of life in any form it seems like. I'm not feeling depression I don't feel sad or down about life. I just don't even feel any emotions to best explain it.

 

I went through depression in my younger years from bulling so I know what depression feels like and this isn't that. I've slightly been becoming more and more in this numbness over the past year and a half I'd say and gotten much worse recently from new things happening in life. I do think of suicide at times and think how I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. But In the end I know there's always something that can help and life can be better and I know I couldn't kill myself either knowing what it'd do to the people around me. So I know I wouldn't and not worried about that even though I do wish for something to happen to me to end this all. Hard to explain this all.

 

Me and now my ex though seems to be my only hope and enjoyment in life. I have based my life almost around this girl and now obviously to late to change me doing that. Whenever she does message me though shes very busy and in the military, I become very excited and feel a purpose again for life, I feel like she can help me become better and overcome this. I still love this girl unconditionally even through the numbness and the choices she's made lately... we text when she decides to messege me really. I don't want to push her away in any form just enjoying the small talk we're having so I'm not bringing any of this up....

 

I guess I don't know what to do, any suggestions, someone to talk to, reference me to someone also feeling this numbness, anything please ..

[RainyCoast]

i think the contact with her is what's making you numb.

 

it's a dead, empty cathexis.

[catfeeder]

I don't feel any joy out of life in any form it seems like. I'm not feeling depression I don't feel sad or down about life. I just don't even feel any emotions to best explain it.

 

Nobody here can diagnose you, but since this sounds like depression and you haven't experienced any relief from prior therapy, I'd do whatever it takes to find the RIGHT therapist for the RIGHT treatment.

 

I'd also quit the contact with the ex--it's not helping that you've formed a focus on someone else as your only form of interest. If anything can numb you out to tall other aspects of living, that will do it. You're in grief 'limbo'. I'd ditch that place, go through the actual grief in order to come out the other side and heal. You'll thank yourself later.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Even though you swear it's not depression, anyone who "feels numb" and thinks of "killing themselves", needs to be reevaluated for it.

 

If you feel this is just a reaction to a breakup then of course "killing yourself" and "feeling numb" are somewhat of an intense overreaction and perhaps should be checked out again nonetheless.

 

You need to go no contact with this ex. rather than musing about suicide. Why and when did you breakup?

I do think of suicide at times and think how I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. Me and now my ex though seems to be my only hope and enjoyment in life. Whenever she does message me though shes very busy and in the military.

[RainyCoast]

yes, depression can take many forms. numbness, dysthimia, even a form popularly referred to as "smiling depression". not all depressed people cry day in day out curled in the foetal position. not being able to enjoy good circumstance, people and events in your life is quite telling.

 

good idea to have another checkup.

[Thill754]

Nobody here can diagnose you, but since this sounds like depression and you haven't experienced any relief from prior therapy, I'd do whatever it takes to find the RIGHT therapist for the RIGHT treatment.

 

I'd also quit the contact with the ex--it's not helping that you've formed a focus on someone else as your only form of interest. If anything can numb you out to tall other aspects of living, that will do it. You're in grief 'limbo'. I'd ditch that place, go through the actual grief in order to come out the other side and heal. You'll thank yourself later.

 

I am like u say in this limbo trying to escape it and I do want to even feel sadness now honestly I wish I could feel that at this point. And I am continueinf to counseling this entire time just don't connect with anyone in life it seems like.

[Thill754]

Sorry to hear this. Even though you swear it's not depression, anyone who "feels numb" and thinks of "killing themselves", needs to be reevaluated for it.

 

If you feel this is just a reaction to a breakup then of course "killing yourself" and "feeling numb" are somewhat of an intense overreaction and perhaps should be checked out again nonetheless.

 

You need to go no contact with this ex. rather than musing about suicide. Why and when did you breakup?

 

I'd totally agree with u on it still being depression I was labeled/ diagnosed with schziod more or less everything is going on up in my head. And do continue to go to therapy through all of this.

And I started feeling this way progressively before we even broke up actually almost half a year actually before hand. And feel like I've become even more into a deeper hole since breaking up of course. And we broke up in July. And at the time of breaking up it was more it was so hard to even keep in touch with each other often and she was very busy and still is but " I wanted a lot of attention" which is true I do and she said she couldn't handle the stress anymore of it also with all her stuff in the military she was figureing out. And now I know other things that have happened and not sure of all the answers even myself honestly. She was raped around the time of our break up. And she told me in the beginning of October sometime when this really happened around July sometime. Theres a lot I'm missing and do intend to figure/ask everything very soon. Feel like I need a lot of answers yet. And there's so much more to it than I can even begin to explain. And for my feelings they go almost straight to my head and an actual physical emotion is shutout and often get huge headaches now. Going to continue with counseling like I have been but don't feel much from it yet honestly.

[catfeeder]

Going to continue with counseling like I have been but don't feel much from it yet honestly.

 

Report to your therapist that you feel as though you're getting worse, not better. If you're on meds ask for a change in medication. If you're not on meds ask about your options or for a referral to someone who can treat you with medication.

 

Therapy is not like a carwash where you come out feeling sparkly with your problems washed clean, it's work. If this therapist isn't assigning you behavioral techniques as 'homework' to come back and report progress, ask for a referral to someone who will do that with you.

 

But the bottom line is, breakups feel horrible and can sink even the healthiest person into the numbness of grief. If you've had this problem even before your breakup, then the breakup certainly didn't help--and it's not helping you now to remain in contact with the ex. That just keeps you in a horrible holding pattern. I'd tell ex that you need to let go so you can heal, and so it's not out of hostility that you're going No Contact, it's for self preservation. Then if ex ever decides that she wants to reconcile when she's home and able to see you, she can contact you then. If you're still available, you'll meet to catch up. Otherwise, you wish her the best.

 

This will free you to make it your private goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this. You can invest your focus on building your social life, your interests and your therapy, where you can participate with the right therapist in working through behavioral techniques and meds to review results and find the sweet spot that brings improvement.

 

I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

 

Head high.