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Estranged Daddy


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Before we got married, my wife used to rage at me, out of the blue, without good reason......they were loud, abusive rages that lingered for a day or two......after a while, I did my research and the term Borderline seemed to fit. But I was no prize either....I would tend to isolate. And REALLY take her for granted....in other words, I was a "". Yet we stayed together and got married and had two children. But for some reason, having kids changed a lot of things. We really grew apart. I love my kids. So does my wife. But when our kids were ages 3 and 1, I moved out....her rages were still crazy and belittling.....and now they were done in front of two young children. Tough stuff. That was about 7 years ago. The separation (I live about ten minutes away) has been good and difficult. There are no more rages. (However, true to the course of the Borderline Personality, my wife made a horrible false sexual allegation against me concerning our daughter - police actually were involved but of course nothing had happened). I tell myself that I would like to reconcile with her.....is that crazy or what? Thing is, I REALLY miss living with our kids. I loved it. But now I am a visitor. A couple of months ago I gave my wife a very nice ring, not an engagement ring, since we're already married, but a ring to symbolize my love and "intention." She wasn't sure how to react I think....like, "Gee thanks." Anyway, here we are......I guess I am getting what I deserved for leaving. Now I have a broken soul pining away to be a Dad again....I live in a very small place and can't really have the kids stay with me right now. When I see them, it is at her house with her present of course. Thanks a lot for listening...

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Why would you leave your kids with a verbally abusive woman, whom you suspect has BPD?


Stop being an estranged dad and start being a good dad. Unless you're BSing us, there's obviously a best interest for your children that isn't being pursued. If she's abusive and the type to make horrendous and false allegations, then it's time for you to step up.

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Why can't you take your kids somewhere away from the house and have some alone time with them?


It's difficult to be a noncustodial dad, it's not what most of us ask for or expect when we have children but it's probably better than being with an abusive woman with whom you cannot get along.

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  • 7 months later...

You said


"I would tend to isolate" like its past tense. Your choices have resulted in you being isolated -- you have isolated yourself again. That pattern seems to continue, even if you intended otherwise.


That door that connects you to others... walk through it. Your kids need you and they reside on the other side of that door.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Obviously there is some issues here and those issues are hers and her verbally abusive behaviors. That's not your problem though, your focus should be to continue to be the father your children want. Hard work pays off and this means a home for you where you can thoroughly enjoy the company of your children. You have that choice of what kind of home you live in. Make the change for the better.

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You need to be a constant in your children's lives. Really, if she was a raging angry abusive woman, why did you even marry her? So, stop abandoning your children and punishing them for a mistake YOU made. They will grow up to have daddy issues because of an absent father. They may not form positive relationships because of a mother who is abusive and yells at them. Don't hide under a rock - go back and protect those little ones!! Fight for joint custody. Or move back in. Go to counseling ether way.

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