My mom found a pregnancy test

[Katrina96]

So my parents are very old fashion and religious. They don't believe in sex before marriage but they aren't married and I have 3 half siblings. They never been married. My father has but he cheated on his ex wife with my mother. My mom called me a and went on to shame me. I'm not pregnant by the way. And I'm 19 I turn 20 on 12/26. I'm in college I'm a freshman my gpa for the first semester is a 3.2. She told me I'm a disappointment and I truly feel like one. She told my father and he looks at me with disgust. She told my aunt and they went on to judge me. I feel like it's the end of the world. I recently lost my virginity. I lost my parents respect. The one thing I cherished the most....

[gebaird]

Hypocrisy and judgment are never fun to deal with, especially from those in positions of authority over us. Shame is an awful feeling (particularly religious or moral shame), and nothing good ever comes from it. I'm sure right now you feel that you deserve this kind of treatment, but you don't. You're an adult who gets to make your own choices, and you are not the person they think you are. Truly. Your parents may be disappointed in you, but that doesn't mean you are a disappointment. Do you see the difference? You are not defined by what others think of you, not even your parents. Don't accept the labels they've placed on you. You're still the same person you've always been.

[greta96]

Well clearly they do believe in sex before marriage or else you wouldn't be here to write this post, so try taking their reaction with a grain of salt. You didn't lose your parents' respect, maybe, just maybe, they are a bit disappointed right now because they (and especially your mom) would have preferred that you had done things differently than she did, but rest assured this will blow over in no time. Parents always want the best for their children, and they try to keep them from making some mistakes they themselves made, which is why they are being so overprotective.

Just be careful and don't take it to heart too much, this too shall pass!

[Fudgie]

It's laughable that they are judging/giving you crap for having sex prior to marriage....yet they have children/live together and are still not married. absolutely freaking laughable.

 

Honestly, it may sound petty, but I would bring that up every single time they give you grief. "You two are not married and yet I am here. You're not exactly in a position to judge me."

 

I would bring it up with other family members too who bother you. "Well, my mom and dad aren't married and they had me - so clearly they can't judge. Like mother, like daughter!"

 

You have nothing to be ashamed about.

[JaggerJim]

Just tell them your sexual activities are your business, and that you have everything under control and they shouldn't worry.

 

Tell them it's 2017 and you are old enough to handle your own business but thanks for the concern. And leave it at that.

 

It's really none of their business.

[Seraphim]

They don't believe in sex before marriage and yet they have 3 kids and are not married? Um ok. They have zero to say.

[Seraphim]

I would also tell them they are not on Earth to judge if they can't maintain the same standards. I am sorry.

[Katrina96]

They even took away my car

[boltnrun]

Do you have a job? Can you buy your own car? How about moving out?

[Katrina96]

Do you have a job? Can you buy your own car? How about moving out?

 

No my parents paid for everything since I'm in college

[mustlovedogs]

No my parents paid for everything since I'm in college

 

Devils advocate.

 

If I was a parent, I would be mad at finding a pregnancy test, too - for precisely the quoted reason. You are completely, entirely dependent upon your parents and yet you engage in an act that you deem risky? If you truly felt secure in in your sexual encounter, you would not have needed a pregnancy test. Finding this test tells me you didn't use condoms or birth control and that is highly irresponsible. If I was your financial provider, I would be mad that you're risking MY money with your irresponsible decisions.

 

So. Let's say you were safe and this was a precaution. Tell your parents this. I would bet most their concern is that you may get pregnant and have no way to support the baby at all. Tell your parents you are practicing safe sex. And consider getting a job - if you're having sex, you should be prepared for pregnancy, and you would need the money to deal with this.

[boltnrun]

No my parents paid for everything since I'm in college

 

Well, unfortunately, regardless of whether or not their rules and restrictions make any sense, if you're living in their house on their dime you do have to follow their rules.

 

Can you at least move into on campus housing?

[Katrina96]

Well, unfortunately, regardless of whether or not their rules and restrictions make any sense, if you're living in their house on their dime you do have to follow their rules.

 

Can you at least move into on campus housing?

 

My campus only have dorms. And I stay In those . they just close for holidays.

[pippy longstocking]

Devils advocate.

 

If I was a parent, I would be mad at finding a pregnancy test, too - for precisely the quoted reason. You are completely, entirely dependent upon your parents and yet you engage in an act that you deem risky? If you truly felt secure in in your sexual encounter, you would not have needed a pregnancy test. Finding this test tells me you didn't use condoms or birth control and that is highly irresponsible. If I was your financial provider, I would be mad that you're risking MY money with your irresponsible decisions.

 

So. Let's say you were safe and this was a precaution. Tell your parents this. I would bet most their concern is that you may get pregnant and have no way to support the baby at all. Tell your parents you are practicing safe sex. And consider getting a job - if you're having sex, you should be prepared for pregnancy, and you would need the money to deal with this.

 

 

I agree with this ...you are dependent on them in all areas of your life , so if you had been pregnant they would then be bringing a baby up as well ....If you are old enough to take your pants off darling you are old enough to take precautions.

 

What I don't agree with is the way they are treating you over it and sharing it with your aunt ..it is private , it is between you and your parents and shouldn't be open to discussion . To not respect you is a terrible thing to say given their living arrangements .

[itsallgrand]

I'm sorry you don't feel you can talk to your folks about this. Is there someone in your family who you can?

Now that you are sexually active, have you seen your doctor? It will be time for paps and you could talk about birth control options.

 

As for the rest, you have to weigh the benefits of being financially dependent on them and begin your planning as an adult. Part of growing up is realizing our parents are flawed human beings, just like us. Part is weaning away from dependence on them and being responsible for our own choices.

[Katrina96]

I'm sorry you don't feel you can talk to your folks about this. Is there someone in your family who you can?

Now that you are sexually active, have you seen your doctor? It will be time for paps and you could talk about birth control options.

 

As for the rest, you have to weigh the benefits of being financially dependent on them and begin your planning as an adult. Part of growing up is realizing our parents are flawed human beings, just like us. Part is weaning away from dependence on them and being responsible for our own choices.

 

I actually am on the pill but I not that great with it. I'm going to change my method next year. And I don't have anyone in my family I can talk to about this they are all the same.

[Fudgie]

You should have a friend take you to a planned Parenthood to talk about options. You can even get an IUD so you don't able to take a pill. It can last you all through college.