He broke up with me

[Gd2301]

Hi my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me on Monday. I begged him constantly until yesterday we had a hour phone conversation where he said he is fed up of the arguments and the one on Monday went too far. The arguments are always over something so so small. We were doing well and happy until Monday. My anger got out of control I was screaming he was getting mad the worst one we have had. We both love eachother so much. I really really want to be with him. I thought he was the one in my mind no one compares to him. He was planning to give me a surprise birthday get away next month however that argument over something so tiny has ruined it. Yesterday he was crying saying he does love me and it's hard but this is for the best and we aren't meant to be together. I'm so lost and hurt I feel like I can make it work now if I really try but I think it's too late. I can't function properly this week I haven't ate or hardly slept. When I do sleep I wake up in middle of night crying shaking as he is not next to me. He lived with me and I miss him badly. I haven't spoken to him or begged him since yesterday morning. I don't know what else to do I fear if I don't try more he will drift away and forget. It scares me but it's painful trying with someone who does not want to talk. He said maybe in a few months we can be civil and try to be friendly but we aren't getting back together. It kills me. I'm so devastated and just before Christmas. I love him so much

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Did he move out? Sounds like you both would benefit from cooling off and reflecting.

 

Were there breakups before? What are the the arguments about?

 

Don't contact him or beg and plead. Allow yourselves space.

he said he is fed up of the arguments and the one on Monday went too far. My anger got out of control I was screaming he was getting mad the worst one we have had. he does love me and it's hard but this is for the best and we aren't meant to be together.He lived with me

[Gd2301]

Hi yes he moved out back to his moms. I'm suffering so badly. He said on the phone we aren't right for eachother he wants me to be happy etc but can't do this. It breaks my heart we had so much planned together. I won't speak to him now no matter how much it's killing me. I just don't want to give up on hope

[Gd2301]

Yes a few but only for a day or two never for this long and serious. They are always over small things that aren't worth arguing over that's why I keep kicking myself

[Gd2301]

Things like housework etc just tiny things never anything serious. I can't believe this has broken us

[browser]

Never beg. Think about it, he wants out. If you have an ounce of self worth and self respect, and you also care about him and love him enough to respect HIS wishes, then give him what he wants. Never try to force a person to be with you when they've made it clear they want out. It only makes the situation worse and some day you'll look back on how pathetic your actions were and you'll find it hard to get past it. The other thing to consider is that if you give him what he wants and you go completely dark and move on with your life, he just may realize he misses you and might have made a mistake. But that's something he needs to figure out for himself.

[Wiseman2]

It didn't. Your incompatibility and fighting itself did. No one wants this much stress. Housework doesn't break people up. He may have wanted out for a while and this was just the final exit.

I can't believe this has broken us

[Gd2301]

Thanks. Yes it's just we was happy until Monday planning holidays he was planning my birthday and it all come crashing down. I keep dwelling on it thinking what if but I can't change nothing now. I will have to try and move on with my life

[Iggy5129]

Yes each fight was small but add them all up and it's a huge problem. Why would he or you want to be with someone who constantly nit picks and fights over stupid things like housework? These should be discussions not fights. If you're unable to ask him to do the dishes without screaming and yelling then I can't really blame him for leaving that situation. It's not the one fight that ended this. It was the accumulation of you blowing up at him over small stuff for several months. Look at the bigger picture. That does not sound functional to me.

[Wiseman2]

How old is he? Did the fighting get worse when he moved in?

he moved out back to his moms. He said on the phone we aren't right for eachother he wants me to be happy etc but can't do this.

[Gd2301]

He is 27. Abit worse but not really bad. We talked about the future all the time together marriage kids etc and I've ruined it. I just hope time can be a help and we can talk after a while

[Wiseman2]

Did he move from home into your place or did he have his own place? Do you both work?

 

It sounds like he's been wanting to exit for a while. All this planning often happens in the 'falling in love'/'in love' stages but chronic arguments can kill that off.

He is 27. A bit worse but not really bad.

[Gd2301]

He moved from home into my place. Yes we both work. I wish we could of talked instead of arguing but can't change what happened

[Wiseman2]

Did you contribute equally in terms of money and household effort? Perhaps he's too immature to live in an adult situation if all he knows is living with his parents.

 

Let go. Stop saying shoula coulda woulda. Stop taking all the blame. It takes two and his response was walking out. Most likely something he's been contemplating for a while.

He moved from home into my place. Yes we both work. I wish we could of talked instead of arguing but can't change what happened

[EclipseTheWitc]

I know how you feel im going through something simular, waking up is the worst time for the pain. I know space is hard because you feel their feelings may fade (I'm goinng through this dilemma myself) but let him miss you. Hes still communicating with you and has shown emotion so just give it time. Do you need to see each other again any time soon to exchange belongings or anything?

[RayF]

Living together really exasporates incompatibility. Normally I think that word is a cop out but in your sense it really seems there were compatibly issues. Everyone argues about stupid things but it's usually because there are underlying issues of how you both want to live your lifestyle.

 

For example if you are ragging on him about not picking up socks (not saying you were just using it as example) it's really some lack of drive, or time management or prioritizing you or things in his life or general hygiene or jut a host of other issues you were picking on him for.

 

Or maybe it was your own issue of some kind you were taking out on him..

 

Who knows all you can do is figure this out for yourself what the real deal is. You just need to pinch yourself, wake up and realize there are deeper issues at work here, you need to realize this so you can know what kind of person you need to be with or realize what of your own issues you need to work on before the next relationship.

[No1]

If he was the one you wanted to marry and have kids, then why did you treat him so badly? Why did you let the moment get the best of you so easily? And please dont say "I dont know"

[Limie]

Stop all contact. I know its very difficult and hard esp during this holiday seasons. But the first thing I want to say is no more contact. Both you and your ex are probably very emotional and I learn its not great to do things with so much emotions. Give him some time. He is probably struggling also. But the more you pull him, the further he will go.