Ex Girlfriend admits that she still loves me but...

[Bicycle]

Hello everyone, about 7 months ago I had a breakup with my girlfriend. It was my first relationship and it hurt pretty bad, it was the first time I experienced a breakup and I couldn't eat or sleep for days. She broke up with me due to my clinginess and insecurity. I spent some few weeks begging and apologizing until I realized that I couldn't force someone into my life thus I initiated NC.

 

Weeks after I initiated NC I started hiring a gym trainer and went working out I also started to see the flaws on our relationship and I have been fixing all of the problems for my next relationship, and some weeks after that she contacted me for the first time with the usual Hey! How are you? Realizing that I wasn't fully healed yet, not prepared, and still having all those insecurities. I ignored all of it and replied to her in the end it ended badly after I talked about our relationship and me giving her an ultimatum.

 

We didn't talk or contacted for the next few months although we meet often because of our mutual friends and us rarely talking to one another. I greeted her on her birthday and we had a good chat, and she greeted me on my birthday days after hers, and we did not contact again. A month after, days ago. She contacted me saying how sorry she is about breaking up with me and how big of an ass she was, that she regret not apologizing months ago, and how cold she was too me.

 

She said that she still thinks about me alot, through songs and other things and still loves me deeply but she has promised to herself and her parents that she would not have a relationship until she graduates highschool, her parents does not allow her to have a relationship. Our relationship not known by her parents. She is afraid of her parents. I asked her if she wanted to work things out and she said she would do it in college but for the mean time for us to be on good terms. We talked as friends with feelings for each other for some time now, and she has been depressed lately so I talked to her about some of my stories and I tried to calm her down.

 

But the only thing holding me down now is the future. I am afraid that there might be new people coming into our lives and I am afraid that if a person comes into my life or into hers. I would want to be with her in the future and in the same time if someone comes into my life I would want to have a go with that person and I do not know about her if she feels the same. I've been thinking about telling her for both of us to move on. But it is hard for me since I still love her so much and would want to be with her in the future, and I have been stuck for some time now.

 

I tell myself that if it is meant to be it will be, and I have trained myself to try and let go. But I love her dearly and I'm just afraid of what will be coming. Thank you for reading and I hope this community would be able to help me.

[kamurj]

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