Did stress cause our breakup?

[Missmoo]

Okay this is long so bear with me.

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 6 years. We have 2 boys together 4 and 11 months. We lived in Vermont for most of our relationship. We made good money here. We were very happy and argued very little. He typically worked from 11am until 11pm. He got to sleep in and hang with his kids on his days off.

I was tired of being a stay at home mom, so I made the initiative to move to Florida. Which we did. He got Into the same line of work except he worked from 4:30am until 5pm. I got my dream job. What we didn't realize was it took almost a month to get paid from our jobs. We were clothes to losing our car, couldn't pay insurance or phone bills. And we just weren't making enough for rent. We became under a lot of stress. So he picked up another job.

Working 4:30am until 5pm, going to his other job from 6pm to 2:30am and doing it all over again. I never saw him and it was difficult for me there since I had no other family. Well things took a toll for the worst. On a Saturday we talked about moving back to Vermont. He told me he loved me, and that he would miss me if I ever left. That very same day we had a huge fight over money. He had been lacking sleep and I wanted To talk abut the relationship. He has said "I have more things I have to worry about than our relationship." He said he wasn't happy and no longer wanted to be with me. I said things that weren't very nice and he told me to get out. I moved back to Vermont with my kids and he stayed in florida. He later told his mom that he didn't actually mean for me to leave. 2 weeks later he still hasn't contacted and he is still saying he doesn't wanna be with me. He is coming up to Vermont to work. All we did in Florida was fight over money. No good memories

My questions are

1) did stress ruin our relationship?

2) why is he still saying he's unhappy?

3) will being back in Vermont make him remember why he was happy with me?

[j.man]

So much "why?" here.

 

First off, I can understand not wanting to remain a stay-at-home mom, but why did that entail uprooting to Florida when you had a stable life for your family in Vermont? And in such a hurry that you didn't even have a month's worth of finances saved up to get you by after the move?

 

How is it the pay periods for your jobs were something "you didn't realize?"

 

How many hours were you working while he was working 22 on and 2 off? That is, quite literally, working himself to death. He should have asserted himself and not worked those hours, but I don't know what kind of expectations are expressly being put on him. You both should have realized when working that number of hours because the necessary recourse that Florida simply wasn't for you guys. Did you at any point insist on remaining there despite the sacrifice required on his end to make it work?

 

Frankly, it looks as though, by a mix of faults, this is a situation of such unbridled resentment that I'm not sure he'll be able to look at you the same after. I hope you two can go through counseling to try and sort it out.

[greta96]

I can't imagine anyone staying sane with only 3 non-working hours per day! It goes without saying that at this point the relationship is not something he has the energy to worry about, as for happiness....what happiness when all he does is work?

You on the other hand landed your 'dream job' and still expect him to make time for you and the relationship, at a time when spending any amount of quality time together is just impossible.

So yes, I would think stress and fatigue are to be blamed for the end of your relationship. The kind of schedule he was forced to live with, only to keep his family fed and with a roof over your heads, is inhumane and would drive anyone to madness.

 

I'm not sure if things are fixable, they might once he has a chance to take it easier and have some rest. I'd say leave him be until he reaches out to you, I'm sure he will as soon as he's mentally ready. If he does and you both decide to work on the relationship, you will have to plan everything differently, to avoid history repeating itself.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately the dream job plan and move sounds like a nightmare of poor planning.

 

Yes stress can affect things. However there is more to this than long working hours because the need to move for a dream job makes no sense. Why did you go back to VT if your dream job was in FL ?

 

Are you planning on being a family again when he returns to VT?

I made the initiative to move to Florida. I got my dream job. He said he wasn't happy and no longer wanted to be with me. I moved back to Vermont with my kids and he stayed in florida. He is coming up to Vermont to work. All we did in Florida was fight over money