Meets New People. The Turns On Me.

[Stand Strong]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. However, I noticed anytime she meets new people, she'll turn on me and potentially want to break up with me. This is the 3rd time. We are in a long distance relationship. I notice it is at times when I can't get around to seeing her she does this. However, she has no car and stays home a lot which made me a big part of her life. So she would say she wants to break up, but then proceed to bash me when I have done nothing wrong. I believe her behavior changes because she talks about the relationship with new people and they get in her head. This is all I can make of it because it's deeply confusing... We openly communicate and don't have major problems so how someone can make stuff up on facebook about being taken for granted, treated badly etc doesn't make since. She has given me many reasons to break up with her, but we always sorted it out.

 

Any thoughts? I'm confused why she is acting her and making me out to be some kind of monster she knows I'm not. She knows I care about her deeply so where her hurt is coming from is very confusing.

[MissCanuck]

I would walk away, OP.

 

She is seeking attention by posting about you and her so-called bad relationship on Facebook, and acting in a way that is very harmful both to you personally and the relationship in general. If there is a problem she wants to sort out with you, it needs to be done in private and not on social media. Ever.

 

She sounds very immature. Why are you hanging around for someone who threatens break-ups and publicly insults you?

[Stand Strong]

Thanks MissCanuck,

 

I think someone got in her head. Our relationship was fine, then this anger and resentment came out of nowhere. She wasn't like this at all. It just happened over night. We didn't have big issues nor did we fight barely at all. I feel like she is immature and still needs time to grow. I just feel so betrayed. She says things like I take her for granted etc but I send her to eat since she has no job (with her parents), I drive 3.30 to see her, I talk to her everyday, making sure she keeps up with studying to get her permit, helping her to get started with GED and always being loving and caring for her. Then out of the blue, she says she wants to break up and starts sending me mean voicemails. The Facebook part of it isn't the big issue. More of how canshe just turn on me at the drop of the hat for people she met a week ago... It's so disappointing that this is ending for a stupid reason. Also, I would explain my side if I did anything wrong, but I know I haven't. I thought everything was fine because we have a history of not even fighting much or butting heads. I asked her why she was upset with me and she couldn't really come up with a clear reason. That's what annoyed me even more. It's like, she had to think and make up something.

 

She said "You don't let me do anything. You won't let me have friends" I'm thinking "What are you talking about? You said you don't want to make any friends because you keep getting hurt. You said you wanted to delete social media/leave that place behind to move in with me. You I don't control you."

 

I love her, but just going to do NC. It's very disappointing that this could end for an immature reason and that's what had me frustrated the most. Listening to the rude voicemails is beating down my feelings and helping me to see that I can do better. To turn on me every time someone new comes around shows lack of loyalty and just makes me feel down right hurt/betrayed. Love is crazy because despite that I want to be with her. I just wish she could have said she cheated on me or some bigger reason that something confusing and small as this.

[No1]

I had to giggle a little bit when you said "We dont have major problems" I see a streets lined with Red flags and you dont see them because you love your GF. This is what I think.

 

I think she is mad at herself and projects that anger onto you. She meets new people and then takes it out on you. She wants you to get mad that you break up with her, but also likes that you are there because she wont feel alone and thought of. Then she gets mad because she doesnt have the courage to break up with you and stay away.

 

I can tell you that this cycle will not stop. You can not love someone enough to make someone who is immature to being mature. I want to ask you, why dont you break up with her? Both of you seem unhappy in the relationship but none of you has the guts to end it.. Do you feel that you have to be there to help her or rescue her? Do you feel obligated to be with her or if you break up with her you might seem like you are abandoning her? To me (from what you said) it is quite clear you two dont belong to one another but yet you still are and I have to ask why?

[Stand Strong]

Hi,

 

Only problem is I haven't been able to see her. It always came down to her being needy, clingy, jealous etc which I actually tolerated and found kind of cute lol (though realistically unhealthy) She is an adolescent, yes which is why I have been patient with her mistakes. I can't hate her from learning and growing. Down-side is she would make all her mistakes with me which is the problem.

 

We are together for love and each others personalities and being best friends while also having invested much in each other. However, we are now going to take a break because it's reached the point where it's causing me to not want her in my life at all/have us have another try when she ages (sadly) I'm all she's known and accept that she has to grow and have a life apart from me. If she grows wings and flies away I accept that. If she using them to fly back to me that's cool too. At the end of the day, maintaining a friendship is what I'm going for now. I feel she offered me what I wanted which was having a first love and having a girl do the childish/cute things they do at that age (drew me heart pictures, made me gifts, just all around girly/cute/cheesy romantic stuff) though as she's getting older and leaving that stuff behind and me being a grown man, that part is over so I guess you can say I'll grow from this as well. At the end of the day, no everyone keeps their first love so why should I be any different.

 

I feel if it was not a long distance relationship things would have been fine. Even though I talked to her everyday, not seeing her in person and her need for attention caused the collapse. Not a sense of rescue and we both were DEADLY happy. Didn't want to break up because people people make mistakes and I am understanding. Still wanted to be there because other than me not being able to travel to see her (and handling her "mistakes" as a secure/forgiving man can) everything was truly fine.

 

Her family was pretty dysfunctional (made her feel depressed/suicidal/used her for her money etc) so maybe there was a bit of a savior complex. However, I can support her as a friend which is why I mention we had no big issues.

[No1]

Soooo the relationship was cute to you? You figured, well I have this much time invested in her, why not see how it turns out? If you leave do you feel it would be a waste of time, that the last 4 years meant nothing?

You are using this "friendship" as a doorway to the future. You say you want a break but in reality you are fine with whatever she does, as long as she leaves the door open for you. I have a feeling if she had a boyfriend, you would probably see it as a challenge to get her to break up.. You sound cocky, and this whole thing is just a game. You keep her around for your own cute amusement. She is immature, but you like that. Gives you power in a way..

So why on earth do you still want to be 'friends' with her? How would you feel if she met her dream guy. Told you how he is so much better at sex than you, how he treats her better and she is going to marry him. How she can see a life with him and she has learned so much... Would you be happy? would you want to try to win her back?

Why dont you just let her go. Quit having her as a pet project and find someone else.