Understanding His Actions

[Limie]

Hi,

 

I'm just really lost and confused to the point I just don't know what to do anymore. Long story short, my ex and I been together for 1.5 years and been on and off for the next 1.5 years. We recently got back together 3 months ago and broke up almost 1 month ago. Our Break up excuse was the same... he wanted to see if religious life was for him. Of course at first, I was heart broken and probably went through all the break up emotions that everyone has been through. Then as time slip by, I accepted the break up and try to move on myself. Early I mention that we were on and off for 1.5 yrs. It's because we never actually "let each other go." We still met up, talk, eat dinner, drink, basically we acted like a couple without being committed. We even went back together a couple times. But it never seem to work. And one day, he found another girl, leaving me heart broken. That was my last straw with him. I cut him off for good and avoided him at all cost.

 

After few weeks later, he started to contact me, look for me, and desperately wanted to talk to me. Because of my angry, I just kept my no contact going for 2 months. But eventually we talked. He told me he broke up with that girl, saying he realized how much he loved me and ask me for another chance. And I fell back in as I also realized I loved him too. We actually had a happy relationship for the next 2 months. I was really happy. Then... he brought up the religious path again and asked me to break up as he wanted some space to make a decision. Of course I was upset... But I agree to it. This time, i wanted him to make a clear decisions either its marriage with me or religious path. (yes, he did mention he wanted marriage with me throughout the 3 yrs) Until one day, I realized that girl he shortly dated started to appear around him. He admitted that she was contacting him. He told me that he doesn't have any feeling for her and no intention of going back to her. But one night, I confronted him as I just thought his sudden cold actions toward me didn't made any sense. That's was when he confessed that he was "shaken" by her and confused. I was of course furious. We had a big fight that night. It was really messy to the point I wish I never confronted him.

 

Since then... He blocked me. Ignore my messages and calls. He keep avoiding me. I went crazy from his new behavior I never seen before. But after a week, I calm down. I told him I accepted the situations. But he still wouldn't want to talk to me even through text messages. He told me he isn't ready to see me again. But he is willing to talk to me through his email. Why is he avoiding me...? Then I realized he also open communication with that girl again. He said he isn't back with her again. But... why? Why end all communication with me and open it back with her after all the heart break he given because of her? What happened?

 

I'm honestly very confused with his actions. I just don't understand it. A part of me believe he is pushing me away for some reason. I actually don't know if he is back with that girl again. He left me hanging with confusion.

 

I did started no contact today and will try not to contact him for the next 30 days. Personally, I do feel like he will contact me at one point as he did before. But I just wanted to understand why this is happening again and again... like a never ending cycle. He hurt me twice when this girl and I'm not sure how to feel about that. And I feel like he is playing games with me with the religious card. Why can't he just make a decisions?? I just cannot understand his behavior. None of this make sense to me right now. Maybe I'm just not in the mind set, but can anyone give me any insight?

[gebaird]

Why are you putting up with this? Yes, don't contact him -- but also block him so he can't contact you!

 

You deserve better than this -- you deserve better than the dysfunctional, toxic relationship you had with him. It's emotionally unhealthy, demeaning and disgusting.

 

In the beginning of the relationship, you may not have known what he was really like. The first time he did something hurtful, you might have thought it was an anomaly -- something out of the ordinary. But what you are describing here is a persistent pattern. He hurts you, so you leave, then you let him back into your life, over and over again like an addiction. Each time you go back you KNOW, you KNOW it isn't going to work! But you go back anyway. And then ... SURPRISE ... it doesn't work! Who could have predicted?

 

The problem here is not the guy or the other girl. The problem is that you are hurting yourself by allowing this hot mess to continue.

 

Set yourself free from his toxic influence. Declare your independence TODAY and move forward with confidence in your ability to achieve escape velocity and heal from past pain. Break this pattern now and carefully evaluate the factors that kept you stuck for so long. Work with a therapist so your next relationship can be a loving and beautiful one.

[Hollyj]

OMG! How many times does this guy have to dump and disrespect you, for you to be done! It is ridiculous that you took him back after the second break up!

 

Get off the hamster wheel, and go NC once and for all! THERE IS NO FUTURE HERE! I would also address why you allow people to treat you like this!

 

 

BLOCK HIM!