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On a break over Christmas. Will it work?


RyanHarris92

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Due to some recent problems (her not trusting, and me becoming complacent with her and our relationship) my fiancé suggested that we need some time apart for her to heal and me to realise how appriative I should start being again, as we seemed to be painting over the cracks for 2 months.

It took 5 minutes of being away from her to realise what I'm missing, and it's hurting me so much being apart from her, not knowing what her answer will be when she decides that we can talk. I live in constant fear that I'm about to lose the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I'm really struggling personally. I'm not sleeping at night, have no appetite and my body just rejects any food I try to give it. It has only been 4 days so far but it is cutting me down to my bare bones of a human.

She's my best friend and absolute everything, and every minute is a struggle to just not call or message her, it's taken every ounce of my strength to just leave her be and give her her space. Because then I start worrying that she thinks I'm not worrying about her because I'm not messaging her. I'm so conflicted.

I'm having a chat with her parents in a few days because I just need to know how is, about this and in general life, I need to know. But I'm unbelievably tempted to message her sister because I can't be patient because I just need to know how she is doing, but they are so close her sister will tell her and then she will think I'm still not giving her the break she feels we need.

Worst time of the year for this as well which is adding to my pain. This is not a feeling I can bare much longer, as my parents are extremely worried about me.

Just need some helpful and honest answers for this struggling guy. Thanks everyone

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Sorry to hear this. How long have you been dating? How old is she? Are you ready to settle down?

 

Do not contact her family. Going in panic mode will not help nor will it prove to her you are making improvements to the relationship.

 

Work on yourself and whatever issues you and she have. Wait for her to contact you.

Due to some recent problems (her not trusting, and me becoming complacent with her and our relationship) my fiancé suggested that we need some time apart for her to heal and me to realise how appriative I should start being again. I'm having a chat with her parents in a few days because I just need to know how is. I'm unbelievably tempted to message her sister.
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Why does it take a woman leaving for a man to realize how much he appreciates her and means to him?

 

I will never understand this, can someone explain please, I am at a loss.

 

Sorry OP I have no advice.

 

Other than to say if you truly loved her, you would have appreciated her and treated her right when you had her. Then you wouldn't be where you are now - her gone to heal and to determine if she could ever trust you again.

 

Since you realized the loss five minutes after it happened, I wonder if this is emotional dependence rather than love.

 

Not accusing you of anything other than what you yourself have stated. That you didn't appreciate her when you had her, but now that she's gone, you do.

 

And for you to think about what would change if she does come back. Would you appreciate her/treat her right for a little while and revert back to your usual ways?

 

No doubt she is thinking about this too

 

In any event, best to follow Wiseman's advice and leave her alone, let her come to you if/when she is ready. Lesson learned.

 

Sorry I couldn't be more help, and if I have misunderstood your post, I apologize.

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Agreed! Go no contact! No reaching out through friends, family, going to her place, emails, texts etc. until SHE says something (or her parents through her etc). If she said she needs space, the absolute best thing you can do is give that to her. I'd cancel the meet up and just do your own thing. I know it's hard, but whether you marry her or someone else, you will be proud of how alpha you can be in this situation. Good luck!

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