not sure what else to do.

[Emmaline]

This is my first time ever coming to a forum and typing out my problem. I just feel like no one can really help without knowing my story. I try reading other peoples none of them ever really fit my situation. So here we go....

 

My ex and I of 4 years (on and off) broke up for what seems like for good about 2 weeks ago. We have broken up a couple other times since August. In August we broke up because we got into a really big argument about his friend Chris. (the main reason we broke up was because we argued all the time and I'm the one who always started them.) I cant really remember exactly what happened but I just remember I was acting like a and it pissed him off. I got up and left to go to my parents house. I sat outside of my parents for 10 minutes but decided to go back home and see if we could both calm down and talk it out. We ordered pizza right before our argument started so when I got back he was gone to pick up the pizza so i went inside and waited for him. He got back and he said to me "why are you here?" I told him i want to talk about it and he told me no that i need to leave because Chris was on his way over to hang out because i decided to leave. I told him im not leaving and i refused to get up. He then spent about 10 maybe 15 minutes screaming at me to just please just leave and we will talk the next day. At this point im crying and just really upset because I didnt want to go. I decided to go because he just kept yelling at me to leave. I got to my parents and i got on facebook and deleted literally every single picture of us two I had posted on there. I dont think I texted him at all that night. My memory is kinda bad for the stuff in between here but I know i went over to grab my work stuff and he was supposed to be at work but he was really home. I grabbed my stuff and then left again. A few days later I think was when I asked him if I could come over and take a shower and sleep there because my shower stuff was there and it was very hard for me to sleep at my parents. He said that was fine so i went over there after work. I didnt say anything to him and I showered. He was getting ready for bed and I asked him if we could just talk and he agreed. We talked for an hour or two and we agreed to get back together but i needed to live with my parents and work on myself because he didnt think I could change if we still lived together. He thought we would just go back into old habits again which made sense to me and I agreed. I had to live there 3 months, we thought that would be enough time for us to get ourselves worked on and what not. During this time he had his friend Chris move in to help him with the bills which i didnt want him to do, but he did anyway.

 

Well, we broke up again in November I think it was because we got into another argument about cleaning the freaking toilet and once again it was me who started it. The more he acted like he didnt care what i had to say the more i got mad and more i kept going on about it. I ended up getting out of his car because he was dropping me off at my parents and I just left without saying goodbye, i love you, or giving him a kiss. I waited a little bit and i texted him if hes calmed down and he said no. He was acting really distant like he was about to break up with me but never really came out and said it. I drove over to our apartment out of anger and started packing my stuff. I mainly went over there so we could talk about what happened but chris was there and i didnt want to talk in front of him. I went into the bedroom hoping my ex would come in but he never did. I just started grabbing stuff and throwing it in a tote. I went to the bathroom and grabbed all my stuff and then i left. The next day we were texting a little and he was very upset because his job sent his check in the mail and he had rent due that day. I offered to give him the money as long as he talked to me and he agreed. He was pretty set on staying broken up this time but i just told him to please think about it. I'd give him a day and just think. I think we also had sex that day. well anyway we had set an appointment to look at a house we wanted to rent on that sunday and I asked if he still wanted to go with me and look at it. I told him i didnt know if i wanted it if i was going to live alone. He ended up coming with me to look at it and we took the applications. Before filling them out we had a talk about whether or not we were going to be together and we ended up agreeing to be together. We turned in our apps a week before thanksgiving and we ended up getting the house. Everything was going pretty good and now we are to the present.

 

Chris stopped talking to my ex because he was mad that him and i got back together. I was staying with my ex and helping him pack everything. Pretty soon we just had A LOT of stress put on us with his job, chris, the moving, his mom and our landlord. We had a lot of stress piled on us. We had to move before the day we wanted to. We got it done and we were finally in our new home and my ex quits his job. We spent two days in this house and then he broke up with me and moved all his stuff out. He broke up with me because he was texting a girl just as friends and he hid it from me and then lied to me saying it was his mom texting him but he showed me it wasnt. He told me he didnt want to tell me because he knew i would freak out and that i didnt trust him. I was extremely hurt and mad and just went to the bedroom because he had a friend over. He didnt come in and talk to me and so i told him i was leaving and he needed to move his car because he was parked behind me. He told me when we were outside that he thinks we need to be done. He didnt want to be unhappy anymore (turns out someone told him he would be unhappy with me if we got married so i think that freaked him out) I couldnt trust him because i got mad he was texting a girl (the first year we started dating when he was 16 he broke up with me a lot for different girls) the arguing, the snapping at him, were all reasons why he broke up with me. I was completely devastated. I am now left with a house all by myself. He left that night and i went to work at 10pm and I got off at 6am and I saw that he was at the house. I went in and he was sleeping. I woke him up and asked if he cared if i laid down and he said that was fine. I didnt try to talk to him or cuddle or anything. His phone kept going off so I decided i was going to my parents and wait for him to leave. When i went to grab my phone, his phone was lit up and I saw that the girl hes been texting had texted him. I told him before i left "youre new girlfriend is awake" and i left. He asked me to stay away until he got all his stuff out and i said no im coming back to sleep because i worked that night again. I got back there and we talked about us. He did some yelling but i stayed very calm and he broke down crying talking about how he thinks hes going to regret this decision. I told him I wanted to be with him and he told me he needed to talk to his mom and i decided I wanted to talk to mine too. In the end he decided to move out. While he was moving he was crying and i could hear him from the bedroom but i didnt go check on him. before i went to work he came back over and He promised me he will always be here if he needed me. He helped me set up the internet and other things a couple days later. We saw each other the first 3 days of our break up. I texted him asking to work this out and he always said no. I asked him if we just took space would he want to be with me again when i got myself straightened out and he said its a possibility. So far I have not really been able to leave him alone. I always found a reason for me to text him or for him to come over. A couple nights ago i had a breakdown and i was crying because i've never lived by myself before and i just missed him and i didnt know if i wanted to stay in this house alone. He talked to me for a little bit then he went to bed. I decided I wasnt going to text him for awhile. The next day he texted me asking "how are you doing today?" and i didnt reply until that night. I didnt want to reply but I gave in hoping he would say he missed me or something because i didnt talk to him all day but that didnt happen. We had a normal conversation and i ended up texting him about how i wanted to work stuff out and he started ignoring me again and then it was like a switch went off in me and I just started blowing up his phone with texts about how he never loved me and never really wanted to be with me and fake loved me for 4 years and all kinds of stuff like that. Im surprised he didnt block me. I started to calm down and he texted me asking why im acting childish right now and I said i just wanted him to tell me his true feelings and he said "i will when i am ready" i asked him what that means and he said "i dont want to tell you yet" and i asked why and he said "im not ready" i have no idea what that means and then he stopped replying. I woke up today from a text he sent at 9am saying he was coming over sometime today to grab the rest of his stuff. i replied at 2pm saying okay. He didnt come until after 5pm. I asked if i could talk to him real quick and i asked him if he could tell me how he really feels about me and he went off yelling about how what i did last night didnt make our situation any better and how he was almost about to finally talk to me but i did this and it pissed him off all over again. He told me he would tell me his true feelings when he felt like it. now i really regret sending all those texts last night i just really thought he was done and that i had nothing to lose. I was really mad at myself for replying to him and for him ignoring me again. I feel like i lost the one chance i had to get him back. I dont want to be back together because i want to work on myself and become a better person before we get back together because i want us to have a great relationship but i also dont want him off with another girl or move on or something. I know we need space though so i texted him just saying i was sorry for everything and i was being immature and that i will leave him alone. He will text me when hes ready to talk but im scared thats never going to come now because i was so close to it before and then i did all of this. I want to be with him and i want to change myself to be a better girlfriend and more calm and everything. I just want him back and i dont want him to hate me.

[Clarisse]

Why would you want him back when the two of you argue all the time? It's a toxic relationship. I agree that you need to split, go completely NC, stop dating for a while and work on yourself. The fighting, breaking up, getting back together dynamic is unhealthy.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like he has some great points about not living together because of fighting and general incompatibility.

 

He doesn't treat you very well and you would be better off without each other.

 

What's wrong with your parents's place? Were you staying with him to escape that situation?

it was very hard for me to sleep at my parents. we agreed to get back together but i needed to live with my parents and work on myself because he didnt think I could change if we still lived together. we broke up again in November I think it was because we got into another argument about cleaning the freaking toilet and once again it was me who started it.