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self esteem took a major hit


esm12

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Hi,

 

I've been in an off-and-on relationship for about 2 years. It was really only good for the first 6 months, and I should have ended it. I did cheat, and regret it, but I also stayed much longer than I should have because of the guilt when he took me back. Basically, he has told me he doesn't want a relationship but still wants to sleep with me, which I don't want. However, he knows this yet still keeps contacting me every so often. I have slept with him for the past year in hopes he would eventually want more with me...stupid, I know. He also will get mad at me for being with other guys, yet he has slept with other girls, and today he told me about how he would sleep with this girl if he could because she is so pretty. The problem is this...I still want him, although he very obviously does not want me. Any tips on how to finally get over him? I have been trying to for almost the past year.

 

Also, my major issue is that he kept me a secret throughout our relationship...he went out in public with other girls than he ever did with me, posted pictures with them, etc. (why I regret staying so long). Today, he told me the reason he did this was because I wasn't pretty enough for him. I already have low self-esteem, and this made it even worse. Any tips on how I can get over this and feel happy again?

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Sorry to hear this. Sounds like it was unhappy, unstable, on/off and toxic for the most past.

 

The best way to heal is total and permanent no contact and block and delete him from all social media and messaging. The longer you are away from him the better you will feel.

 

Sadly he treated you like dirt but you stayed. Take time off from dating to reflect on how that was allowed to happen.

he has told me he doesn't want a relationship but still wants to sleep with me. I have slept with him for the past year in hopes he would eventually want more with me
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Wow what a jerk is right. It's a real jerk thing to say "your not pretty enough" when clearly he finds you somewhat attractive or else he wouldn't be sleeping with you. So he can screw right off with that statement.

 

You are pretty enough to go find a new boyfriend. He says jerk things so you won't get too close. Just get rid of him. He wants sex and nothing else.

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Cold turkey. As in you block/delete/boot him out of your life in every respect and with extreme prejudice.

 

Self esteem is deciding that you won't tolerate aholes like that in your life and getting rid of them because you are powerful like that.

 

Low self esteem is when you stick around "competing" for his attention, which is a vicious cycle because it's a game you will never win so your already low self esteem keeps shrinking.

 

Tell yourself that you will NOT be just another mare in some guy's stable. You are much more valuable than that. Then actually believe it and act on it. I don't know, personally, my ego just can't tolerate that. He better worship me alone or be gone. I think you could borrow some of that.

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First off he is a jerk.

 

Most important thing about leaving this guy is protecting your health. His lifestyle is a good way of getting an STD.

 

Block him and never talk to him again. You could be saving your life.

 

Good luck.

 

he's a jerk lol? she cheated on him!

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This is where it got confusing. Because I would think we were done...he actually blocked me, said he wanted nothing to do with me then try to come back into my life and yell at me for talking to other guys. But at the same time say he only wanted to sleep with me, didn't want a relationship, but didn't want me sleeping with anyone...yet he also has slept with other girls and tells me how hot girls are and he wants to sleep with them?

 

I just don't get why even start talking to me if I was so ugly to him that he had to keep me a secret.

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All abusers are control freaks. You are a possession, not a person. Do read up on abusive relationship dynamics so this never happens again.

Because I would think we were done...he actually blocked me, said he wanted nothing to do with me then try to come back into my life and yell at me for talking to other guys.
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