Ex got in touch after two years

[Deliah]

So I wrote on here a couple of years ago about the "future faker", a guy who was full on and then suddenly ended things (by text message) saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. I was pretty cut about it and, as the guy refused to see me, I haven't seen him since he left my flat only a few hours before he dumped me by text.

 

So a few days ago he sends me a Facebook friend request. We have never ever been friends on Facebook. I declined his request, which I assumed he sent by accident. He has now messaged me on Facebook asking how I am.

 

As much as it is satisfying to see him return, I feel very uncomfortable about his reappearance and I'm not sure what his intentions are. I'm not sure how to deal with it to be honest. I wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom!

[leseine7]

Well, to be *gently* honest with you - he has not "returned." A Facebook request and message after 2 years, after dumping you via text (what a loser, btw), is pretty much nothing, and it's dangerous to build up these actions as more.

 

Most likely he figures it's been long enough for you to not be furious anymore, you've both had time to move on to other people, and maybe he's trying to be friendly because he feels bad about how he ended everything. At MOST, he remembers you as that nice girl who was super into him and wanted to really be with him, who he got to dump and then do whatever he wants without looking back, and he thinks if you guys talk he could maybe have another shot to get with you. But the trouble there is it's unlikely he'd want a relationship and he'd probably be all "Remember, you already know I can't do a relationship." Trust me, guys who are so bold as to message you even after you already deleted their request probably don't have much humility about how they treat you.

 

More likely, he's bored , isn't dating anyone he's that into and is hoping you're still there to pump the ego.

 

The only advice I can give you is to ignore him. Don't open yourself up to more of his shady behaviour. This is the guy who saw you one day and "faked a future with you" and then dumped you by text that same day. You do not need to engage further with him to know what he's about.

[greta96]

Ignore, that's the only thing that you can do if you have any amount of self esteem. And don't feel flattered by this, because it is not about you, it's all about him probably going through a dating/sex lull and going down his list of potential women who he could use in a pinch, until things pick up again.

He has already showed you who he was, that he was not all that into you and did so in a very disrespectful way. At the time, someone else piqued his interest more than you, so he dumped you to pursue something with her.

Don't allow yourself to be his safety net, only because he probably has nothing better to do. I know you would like to believe he magically realized how amazing you were and that he lost something good and wants to get you back, but that's just wishful thinking - that is almost never the case, because if he thought that highly about you he wouldn't have done what he did, right? Block him and be done with him, let him go even lower on his list until he finds someone lame and desperate enough to give him another chance and ease his holiday blues.

[Longview01]

Block him and have done with it, see how he likes it

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It may be best to delete and block him. Whatever the intentions are, they are lame.

 

For example, why be friends, fb or otherwise with some who dumped you and forgot about you for two yrs?

 

Perhaps he recently got dumped and wants to backtrack through the black-book to see who's still around for hookups, fwb, etc.

 

Even if this is a tickler to reconcile, why would you after all this time?

a couple of years ago. I haven't seen him since he left my flat only a few hours before he dumped me by text.He has now messaged me on Facebook asking how I am.

[ParisPaulette]

I've dated this guy or someone like him I mean. It means the well has run dry for the moment and he's flipping back through exes to see who will bite and be on for his amusement until he can cut and run again.

 

My advice, just block him and keep moving forward. Future fakers who ghost on you tend to not change their spots, they just keep a steady supply of past potentials to see who can make them feel better about themselves.

 

I have yet to have any "ex" contact me out of the blue, particularly the ones who did something like this, that were doing it because life was going great for them and they were genuinely a different person. What you're describing is actually very typical for this sort of person. In fact, they're usually some of the best and trying to really insist you give them a second, third, fourth, heck however many times you'll allow it until you no longer do, chance.

 

Voice of experience, my last ex did it to me six times. Years later he still gets through on new numbers to the one business contact I haven't changed begging me for a seventh chance to "get it right," whatever the heck that means.

 

Don't fall for the bait is my advice.

[ShatteredMan]

Well, to be *gently* honest with you - he has not "returned."

More likely, he's bored , isn't dating anyone he's that into and is hoping you're still there to pump the ego.

 

Truth. You should do nothing more than meet him for coffee and see what/where he is in his life. If he hasn't been out of his previous relationship (provided he isn't lying) for more than three months, I wouldn't put any effort into reconciliation with him. That would say that he's lonely and would use you until he meets someone that he wants to move on with...

 

I would get back together with my previous ex if heard from her (and I wasn't in a committed relationship), but I would proceed with caution and not let my feelings for her get in the way of logic. She (and I assume your ex would) have to earn their way back into my heart and I would have to see some serious growth and change from her to make me fall in love again.

[shiner501]

I have yet to have any "ex" contact me out of the blue, particularly the ones who did something like this, that were doing it because life was going great for them and they were genuinely a different person. What you're describing is actually very typical for this sort of person. In fact, they're usually some of the best and trying to really insist you give them a second, third, fourth, heck however many times you'll allow it until you no longer do, chance.

^^^^^This^^^^^

"Life is going brilliant I am so happy. I will call my ex Deliah and see how things are with her, just to say hello"

???

I really doubt that this is what he is thinking! He wants a booty call. Up to you if you want to take him up on it.

[SherrySher]

I wouldn't feel satisfied with an ex contacting me, mostly because it means nothing good. He's probably bored and wanting an ego boost to see if anyone from his past still is hung up on him...sigh...total bs.

Just ignore, he treated you badly and you don't need more of it.

[katrina1980]

 

I feel very uncomfortable about his reappearance and I'm not sure what his intentions are.

 

Why don't you ask him? I would.

 

Sometimes we date someone and the timing isn't right, we aren't "ready" or any other number of reasons. So we end it.

 

Then months or even years later, when we feel we are in a position for something substantial (i.e. a relationship), we reflect on our experiences and make an attempt to reconnect.

 

It doesn't mean he wants anything specific WITH YOU, he is simply reflecting, and reaching out. I mean perhaps if you saw each other, you would click again, and since it's been two years, he might (or might not) be ready for something more than he was ready for (or even wanted) before, and depending on how you feel, you can either choose to give it another shot or not.

 

But either way, you will never know for sure unless you ask.

 

If he had completely ghosted you two years ago, I would say don't respond and delete, because that is just rude and disrespectful.

 

But he didn't ghost, he ended it properly and told you why.

 

Anyway, I don't think it would hurt to ask him why he got back in touch. You can either believe him or not.

 

I would.

 

None of us really know what's going on in his head though, it's all pure speculation until you talk to him yourself and ask.

 

If you don't give a **** anymore, then of course, don't respond, just block and delete.