Was he trying to punish me ?

[summablairr]

My boyfriend of 10 months is a bit more outgoing than I am. We've had a few issues. For a while he wanted me to send him "sexy Pictures" which I later on found it, he wanted naked photos of me. I've never done that before or have i trusted any one well enough to send that. He usually would let it go , but somehow he would act really distant from me, not talkative and later when an argument happened he would bring that up. Also he's said i'm the first girl to tell him no and he knows what he's used to . His ex girlfriends have all sent him butt naked photos of themselves and he said he's used to that. Also he somehow turned it around to trust saying I needed to trust him.

 

There would be moments when I would say I would do it, and also he's brought up recording us during sex...but It's something i'm uncomfortable with especially on a phone. I've heard too many disaster stories of things leaking. Sometimes in the heat of the moment and just to make him happy or seem spontaneous I will mention that I'm okay with doing it. I guess it's just me wanting to feel accepted , especially since he's said other woman have sent him things before me. However one night I went over to his apartment in just a trench coat and lingerie (cliche' I know, but i wanted to do something special of him) He loved it at first ,things got heated at one point and we were about to have sex but he had his phone out and started recording me...I shy away from it and kind of ran away from the camera...He instantly got out of the mood. He seemed distant once more again. Not talking much and said we should just watch a movie and go asleep. I was still in my lingerie and it felt kind of awkward. when we were laying next to each other he seemed okay, but not his normal self.

 

I knew it had something to do with him wanting to record me. When i asked. He said he wasn't mad or upset, he said it was a turn off when I say one thing and do another. I mentioned how I didn't ming recording as long as it wasn't on an iPhone and we could immediately delete . He said he didn't want to talk about it anymore. I tried to move the conversation somewhere else..but he just wasn't in the mood to talk. It hurt me a little because I didn't understand how someone could instantly change that quickly.

 

 

Regardless of me not wanting to film it. I guess i felt he could have respected it and we could of still had a fun night. He said I wasn't respecting him by just leaving him alone when he got upset. He said he wasn't in the mood for sex and wasn't talkative at all. Saying he was extremely turned off. We ended up arguing and he said how on a scale of 1-10 i'm like at a 3 in regards to naked photos, things of that nature. I sent him a photo once of just my cleavage and he said he was happy to see it but it wasn't a big deal to him. he said it's not a big deal , but for me to just keep things the way they are and say what I mean. I understand that, but it's moments when I feel he's not talkative or seems upset that makes me feel like in a way he's trying to punish me and make me feel guilty...what does it sound like? I'm not thekind of girl to do those type of things, but i love him so much and just want to make him happy. I'm someone who is in the public's eyes so i feel the need to be cautious about certain things.He's 30 years old and I am 22. If the age difference matters.

[ButterflyWrists]

Never send naked photos, or if you do, make sure they don't have your face in. He's being an a$$ trying to pressure you like that. It sounds like you're not compatible in that department.

[Capricorn3]

I would dump this guy so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. It's bad enough that he keeps pressuring you to so things you are not comfortable with, but then to get his phone out to record you having sex, without asking you first, it just crossing the line (imo). He shows zero respect and doesn't care about your views or feelings. This guy is full of it. Ugh.

 

Side note: This is your third thread about this guys disrespect and very questionable and sleazy behaviour. What is it going to take for you to take the advice you have been given and leave this guy? Clearly you are not happy with the way he treats you.

[gibbsjoan85]

1st, obviously he is just your boyfriend and if you guys break up there are tendencies of leaking those over the net. 2nd ,if you are really goin to do it make sure no face of you. 3rd, your boyfriend is a film maker maybe and fun of watching pornos.

[Birdie]

This guy sounds like a complete creep. Why are you putting up with his behaviour? Ugh! He grosses me out just reading your threads.

 

There are better, respectful and loving guys out there who won't pressure you for naked pictures or creepily take pictures/videos of other girls on night out. UGH! Just him videoing others cleavage or whatever is gross, who does that?!? Seems like he's got some voyeur fetishes.

[greta96]

What a creep! Yes the ages do matter, because if he was 18 I would have said his brain wasn't fully developed and his behavior would have sort of made sense, but a 30 year old acting like this? No way... Why are you trying to please this man-child? He doesn't love you, respect you, and keeps throwing all the women who have ever sent him naked pics in your face. How romantic!

You are 100% correct, in this day and age you do NOT send naked pics, nor do you let him record you naked having sex. Not even if your face isn't in it. It's not that difficult for him to just Photoshop your face on your body, he has pictures of your face right? So no risque pictures, ever! No ifs or buts about it. He sounds like the type who wouldn't keep that stuff private anyway, not to mention smart phones can be easily hacked.

But the worst thing in this whole situation is that he sounds extremely dumb and selfish.

So, why are you with this clown again? What can he possibly be giving you that is making it so difficult for you to just give him the boot?

[DancingFool]

Wow.....he is a complete certified creep......

 

Any guy trying that with me would get shredded and dumped so fast his head would spin. Unbelievable really.

 

Why on earth are you still with this loser and allowing him to treat you like that and mess with your head like that? Please just show him the door and block/delete/never ever look back. You have sensible boundaries and any guy who pushes them like that needs to get the boot immediately. No and's or but's about it.

[rayfutz]

Wanting ass photos and sex videos with a gf, ok I get it. But not everyone is comfortable with it. You have told and shown him you are not, but he continues to pressure you. He seems kinda creepy treating you like a toy more than a gf.

If you are uncomfortable with it right now, but you end up getting into it say a month from now, it will probably be because he manipulated and guilted you into accepting it. If you are uncomfortable with it now, thats likely to stay the same. He needs to show respect for YOUR boundaries and comfort level. If he cant, he sounds like a tool with a toy for a gf

[Wiseman2]

This is the dude that goes out clubbing and posts videos of it online but never takes you out?

 

Why can't he see you like this in person? Tell him "you want to see me naked, stop going out clubbing and date me in person".

 

Anything, Anything you send can be posted and go viral in a nanosecond, either right away or at any later date, like revenge porn. He wants this to have something over you.

For a while he wanted me to send him "sexy Pictures" which I later on found it, he wanted naked photos of me. and also he's brought up recording us during sex..He's 30 years old and I am 22.

[TiredOfDating]

You seriously need to break up with this guy. He's trying to pressure you into something you aren't TRULY comfortable with, and you should never do something you don't want to do just because someone makes you feel guilty.

 

If other girls let him do it, let him go date one of them.

[Sportster2005]

You set your boundaries and he doesn't like it. He not only dislikes it, he doesn't respect it, and is acting like spoilt child. It's not going to change. Accept it, or move on. Those are your options.

[katrina1980]

 

I understand that, but it's moments when I feel he's not talkative or seems upset that makes me feel like in a way he's trying to punish me and make me feel guilty...what does it sound like? I'm not thekind of girl to do those type of things, but i love him so much and just want to make him happy. I'm someone who is in the public's eyes so i feel the need to be cautious about certain things.

 

You are right on point with that one kiddo.

 

By withdrawing, ignoring, becoming annoyed, or telling you he is turned OFF, he's hoping you "give in," and acquiesce to him otherwise you will lose him.

 

That is "punishing behavior" and manipulation... and withdrawal of love and affection for the purpose of getting another to acquiesce to your wishes is also a form of emotional abuse.

 

I have been through the same thing with a few bozos I have dated too, I dump them though, I don't tolerate that nonsense.

 

Stay strong in your convictions, you are doing the right thing and he should respect that.

 

If he cannot and he continues with this nonsense, please, show him the door.

 

I know you love him, but come on now, he's a manipulator and as others have said, a major CREEP and d-bag.

 

There is no way you or anyone can have anything close to a healthy RL with someone like that.

 

And this type of thing only escalates, trust me on that one!

[katrina1980]

Wow.....he is a complete certified creep......

 

Any guy trying that with me would get shredded and dumped so fast his head would spin. Unbelievable really.

 

Why on earth are you still with this loser and allowing him to treat you like that and mess with your head like that? Please just show him the door and block/delete/never ever look back. You have sensible boundaries and any guy who pushes them like that needs to get the boot immediately. No and's or but's about it.

 

This!^^

 

It's pretty much what I said too, but as always, DF has quite a way with words (puts my posts to shame, lol) and her posts are right on the money virtually 100% of the time too!

 

Listen to her!

[JaggerJim]

You need to stop saying "you'll do it" and then don't. Just say you never will. Then you don't have to keep saying it and then taking it back.

 

It's a control issue, and sorry but he'll probably dump you anyways, so just say no.

[notalady]

This is your third post about the guy being disrespectful. Yes he is being disrespectful. In fact, he's being a total creep. The way he insists on getting naked photos and sex videos of you, I have no doubt they will end up on the internet if you break up (actually maybe doesn't even need a break up).

 

Stop asking about him and dump him already.