Can Anyone Relate?

[Fallyn]

So I've had a lot of bad luck in love over the last few years of being single. I've been hurt countless times but I always brushed it off and kept it moving. Except for that one time that I still can't forget and I never will. And then there was the most recent dating experience that just left me...happy to be single.

 

He wasn't for me. I felt it after a month. Sweet guy. Total package. I just wasn't attracted to him. No harm, no foul. But ending things with him, even though I'm happy to get back to normal (working, coming home, eating, sleeping, rinse, wash, repeat), has me curling back into myself.

 

I literally feel like I'm here to get the job done. I feel like I'm not meant to be in a relationship. I want one, but I can't find the right one that opens my eyes to the world and makes me feel alive. My friend tells me I need to give men a chance, etc. but it's almost like she's telling me to find someone, anyone, to latch onto. I'm interested in finding my soulmate; not the guy who's good enough for now. Maybe it's unrealistic. I don't know.

 

I like to work and come home to wait until I have to go back. It's like I've built this prison for myself. Waiting to work and working to wait.

 

Strange as that all sounds, I also feel nothing. There is literally some kind of disconnect somewhere between my day and my mind. I guess I'm joyless, emotionally unavailable, just content to do this until I'm not.

 

I guess my question is, has anyone felt this way? I don't think this is completely healthy and frankly, I have nothing to offer anyone staying in this state. I'm rapidly approaching 30 and I'd give anything to feel like I did when I fell in love before. But that was years ago. I'm afraid I'll never find it again.

 

I think I just feel weird about being content being in the place I used to fear when I was younger. But I'm conflicted because I don't want to be satisfied with this. I just left my last two ****s I gave in 2015 and can't seem to find them now.

[coolgirl]

Yes, I can relate. I've been unlucky in love for a very long period of time. Been hurt numerous times so your not the only one. Like I have nothing to offer anyone anyway. Why, would I. Just as you I wanted to find love and tried to give men chances but it never got me anywhere good. So I gave up looking. Every time I tried to see good in people and gave chances too my perspectives has changed completely towards men. My problem is I can't see good in anyone anymore. Even if I wanted too I couldn't even if I wanted to try. I have trust issues. The way I look at it is if I meant to stay single for the rest of my life so be it, its better to be single rather than to be unhappy with the person I'm with. If I were you hang out with friends, try to enjoy your life, I know its hard not having a man in your life so you can spend the rest of your life with but date casually, and live your life to the fullest. If it's meant to happen for you it will one day. You very young. And I'm 6 years older than you. Hope this helps a bit.

[Confused19]

I definitely feel like you and can relate. I am SO done with men that you need a new word for it. I have been hurt many times and my last relationship was the last straw. After 2 years he dumped me through text and cut me off after a fight, haven't see him for almost a year now or spoke to him for like 9 months, spoke meaning me texting and being ignored.

 

It has been extremely hard, and went through hell the months following the break up. But I am better now. Yet my life looks like yours. I just work and go home, occasionally go out with friends but that's it. I have no more hope in people and the way they are in general and men in particular. I do want to get married and a family but I have decided that it is better to prepare myself into the idea that I won't have these things and that it is just the way it is... I am about to turn 33 and I have already given up on being happy.

[coolgirl]

You just took my words right out of my mouth. Lol He dumped me the first time around ignored me for 2 months just to be ignored but then he came running back. The the second time I dumped him. I dumped them through an email have not spoken in 4 months and 3 months of it was hell after The Break-Up but the problem was that I was in love with him and he didn't know it and he only knew I had feelings for him but did not know I was in love with him so it makes and twice harder to even move on from it but I'm a little better but not too and the full extent.

 

Yeah I feel the same way you do not lto be happy anymore I guess I'm done with the whole idea of the whole white picket fences being married and having kids.

 

The only important thing is to be happy within yourself. Just as you said being around friends and family going to work and coming back not necessarily you have to have a man in your life to be happy because that's the way I feel hope this helps a bit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I definitely feel like you and can relate. I am SO done with men that you need a new word for it. I have been hurt many times and my last relationship was the last straw. After 2 years he dumped me through text and cut me off after a fight, haven't see him for almost a year now or spoke to him for like 9 months, spoke meaning me texting and being ignored.

 

It has been extremely hard, and went through hell the months following the break up. But I am better now. Yet my life looks like yours. I just work and go home, occasionally go out with friends but that's it. I have no more hope in people and the way they are in general and men in particular. I do want to get married and a family but I have decided that it is better to prepare myself into the idea that I won't have these things and that it is just the way it is... I am about to turn 33 and I have already given up on being happy.

[Batya33]

Am I reading this wrong or is there an either or thing going on here where you feel that if you are not out there dating your life is work and then basic eating and sleeping? Do you also have no interest in going out - to a gym or a dance class , the theater, a movie or volunteer work? Completely understand not wanting to date just to date and not wanting to date at all but the not wanting to do anything might be a little concerning.

[Lucha]

Being unmotivated to do anything at all and unable to enjoy anything are symptoms of clinical depression. You might want to consult a doctor.

 

Being content with not dating and curling back up in yourself seems perfectly normal at that age.. in fact I'm going through the same thing, having reached an age where I seem to have lost the ability to feel love like I did a few years ago because trust has been broken too many times. But I think it is a growing process and we come out into a more mature kind of love at the end, when we are ready to date again.

[Reflections11]

 

I want one, but I can't find the right one that opens my eyes to the world and makes me feel alive.

 

I think you should learn how to do this one for yourself.