Well guys I guess I can only accept it

[Jvi]

I'm a 22 year old male that got broken up with about 5 months ago. At the beginning I chose to accept it the best I could and just asked her if she was sure about her decision. She had aways told me she was so I knew that there wasn't much I could do about it. I asked her to coffee a month after the breakup and she informed me that she was seeing someone, though I have never been sure if it was true or not. About a month ago I reached out through a letter to express the things I wish I had said, but never did months ago.

 

She replied to the letter about a week ago and just wanted to apologize for how everything had gone down. She didnt reply after my first reply so I chose to be dumb and pry until she basically explained that her feelings were gone months ago. I continued to pry until I forced her to tell me to leave her alone. It was the dumbest thing I could have done. Instead of trying to cultivate a friendship and see were things go, I pushed her until she had no choice.

 

When she had originally broke up with me I basically was told "I don't think you can make the changes I need you to. Please don't beg or plead as there's nothing you can do." I wasn't a horrible boyfriend, but I had neglected the relationship and myself while we were together. We were together 2.5 years and it was my longest relationship and first true love in life.

 

I've dated quite a few women, but none had brught out feelings like I had for her. I've even gone on numerous dates in the past couple months and I guess I've realized that none of these women even compare. I'm not waiting for her to come back, I've progressed my life a lot, but it just doesn't seem like any of these women hold a light to her. I guess you could say that she's my oneitis. There was one girl I've felt almost as strongly for, but she passed away years ago in a tragic car accident.

 

At this point I realize that there's nothing left I can do and I suppose that's a good thing in a way. I already know I'm quite silly for pushing her to this point, so I don't need to hear that, but you can tell me exactly that if you'd like. We're both in our early 20's and of course I want this woman back in my life. I've made every mistake in the book and most of you would probably tell me just to move on and at this point I'd have to agree.

 

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but my hope to have her back in my life hasn't left since the day she walked out. I guess I just need to focus on myself and if she ever comes back determine the correct action plan at that point. I've done everything to try and get her back in my life, yet my actions probably just scared her and pushed her further away.

 

Anyway, it was nice to vent things out. I'm not sure if you guys have any advice, but I'm open to anything. If you have any questions about my situation, feel free to ask.

[gebaird]

I think you are focusing too much on the things you did that pushed her away after the breakup. It sounds to me like she was done and ready to move on at that point. Nothing could have convinced her to stay, and taking the friends route hoping it would turn into something more might have just prolonged your pain.

 

I'm sorry you lost someone who mattered so much to you. I hope you can find someone who has many of the qualities you admired in her and also wants to be in a committed relationship with you.

[KantSleep]

It sounds like she isn't coming back, in my humble opinion. While I understand your pain - and how you would like that to happen, it looks like it won't. You will find another love, it just takes time. You are doing fine - you expressed yourself in the letter - you at least had that opportunity to set the record straight. You can now move on knowing you cleared the air, and said what was important to you. She said the feelings are gone, and that is sad, but it is definitely a firm statement from her - and moving on is all you can really do. Good luck. You are young - love will come again, and you will be a better man, having learned from your mistakes.

[Jvi]

You guys are definitely right to say that love will come again. I did get the closure I needed the other day even if I had to pry. I'm surprised that I even held onto the hope for so long. I was talking to a friend and she was amazed that I could even be stuck on a woman as she's never saw me like that and she's known me since middle school.

 

Maybe it's the fact that she was the first woman I ever let get that close to me in life. I know she suffered from depression during our relatonship, which I did as well. Yet I agree these things don't really matter at this point. I've spent too long analyzing things and just need to let it all go.

 

I think I did fixate myself on a lot of my actions post BU, which don't really make a difference know. For awhile I was upset that I didn't try to keep her in my life, in some ways I knew the breakup was for the best, but I had wished I would have done something about it. I spent months trying to figure out the correct way to go about stuff. When I finally did put it into action she told me what I needed to hear and I realized that there simply wasn't anything I could do. At least I know that I did everything I thought I needed to. I can only continue to accept it and become a higher value man than I am now.

 

Appreciate you guys telling me what I needed to hear.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with the others that your actions post-breakup, while irritating to her, likely did nothing to change the final outcome. It appears she was already gone by the time she ended it. So don't beat yourself up over that. The truth is that even if you had not reached out to her, she likely would have stayed gone anyway.

 

You will need time. You're not ready to date others yet, and that's perfectly okay.

 

Keep in mind that our first loves are very rarely our last.

[erma88]

look Jvi, I'm in a very similar situation to your own. 5 months NC after break up and it still sucks, it was my first important relationship as well. I think that the only thing anyone can do in this type of situation is to cut all forms of contact and by that I mean that you should also prevent her to contact you. Block everything you can so that the only way she could get in contact is to knock on your door. It's the only way you can possibly give up hope, because that's the worst thing in this scenario. She need to be dead to you, literally dead, out of your life for good. I think that if we don't make a drastic move, we can be stuck in this for years. I think that hope does not depend on closure, it does not depend on what your ex says, it's an emotional that needs to be crack the hard way. By doing that I think that in one year you'll be much better and so do I.

[Jvi]

I did take the time to block her number and anything that her name leads to online last night. Thanks for the push erma.

 

For months I worried over things and contemplated what I could have done differently. I appreciate what everyone has said. I agree that my actions didn't change anything and it was probably over for good the night she walked out. Sadly she walked out after I had fallen asleep and just left a text. All the events surrounding this gave me a lot of questions, but I think I've reached the point that these questions don't matter anymore.

 

I'm going to take some time off from dating and just enjoy my time with friends and family. I let a lot of those relationships suffer over the years and it's time I rekindle them.

 

Thanks for the kind words guys.