Open relationship??

[Lostadventures]

Hey lovely people. So my boyfriend and I are in a different situation. He desires a threesome with another female time to time. Yes, I'm bisexual, but I'm struggling with just the idea. I'm so protective and slightly on the jealous side. I know for men, sex is just sex. And I guess technically we won't have a completely open relationship. I was considering maybe asking a friend? Someone I can trust. But what if I struggle with that too? Then what? I don't want him to have to conform to my ideas of being monogamous, thats not freedom. And if it hurts my heart to share him.. what do we do then? I would do anything to make him happy, and I would love his happiness to be with me. I am open to all suggestions.

[Capricorn3]

Never, ever do something you are not comfortable with. Ever. It will always come back and bite you in the a$$. Add to that, you are jealous and don't want to share him. That in itself will already cause massive issues, because threesome means sharing him. Your jealousy will drive you mad and in the end, the relationship falls apart. The writing is already on the wall with this one.

[Wiseman2]

If you are not sure, don't do it. Why does his freedom trump your comfort and heart?

 

If you want heartaches and disrespect, stay with him if not...give him his freedom, but without you.

 

Why doesn't he have to conform to monogamy if it's what you want but you have to conform to threesomes and open relationships because it's what he wants?

 

Are you you trying anything just to keep him?

 

Sorry it sounds like you are sexually incompatible as well as incompatible as far as goals values what you want in relationships,etc. And that will create further conflict and heartaches.

He desires a threesome with another female time to time. And I guess technically we won't have a completely open relationship. I don't want him to have to conform to my ideas of being monogamous, thats not freedom. And if it hurts my heart to share him.. what do we do then?

[Lostadventures]

If you are not sure, don't do it. Why does his freedom trump your comfort and heart?

 

If you want heartaches and disrespect, stay with him if not...give him his freedom, but without you.

 

Why doesn't he have to conform to monogamy if it's what you want but you have to conform to threesomes and open relationships because it's what he wants?

 

Are you you trying anything just to keep him?

 

Sorry it sounds like you are sexually incompatible as well as incompatible as far as goals values what you want in relationships,etc. And that will create further conflict and heartaches.

Don't be sorry. Thank you for the advice. I think as far as keeping him, I'm willing to try it. But i think your right... just thinking on it hurts my heart.

[nutbrownhare]

One of the most fundamental things which will make or break a relationship is that you're on the same page regarding values. Without that basic agreement you have no relationship, no matter how attracted you are to each other, enjoy each other's company or have interests in common.

 

This means that if the relationship is going to work and you are monogamous, you need to be with someone who's monogamous too. There's nothing, I repeat, * NOTHING *, wrong with that. It almost sounds as though you are apologising for desiring a state which is taken for granted by the vast majority of couples. If two people are in an "open" relationship and they're in agreement, there's nothing wrong with that, either. Though I do smile wryly at the thought that the couple who famously wrote a book on open marriage ended up divorcing for... wait for it... adultery...

 

Most of us want to make our partners happy, but if you find it's at the expense of your own core beliefs then your love will not last long.

 

If you don't want him to conform to your ideas of being monogamous, then let him go and find someone who's also desirous of a threesome without it making their heart ache.

 

If it's any consolation, if any partner of mine suggested a threesome with another woman, you wouldn't see me for dust. Any more than if he asked if it was OK for him to have any kind of sexual relationship with someone else.

 

For some men, sex is just sex - true. But not all. Men get emotionally involved, too, when they're with a woman they love.

[Lostadventures]

One of the most fundamental things which will make or break a relationship is that you're on the same page regarding values. Without that basic agreement you have no relationship, no matter how attracted you are to each other, enjoy each other's company or have interests in common.

 

This means that if the relationship is going to work and you are monogamous, you need to be with someone who's monogamous too. There's nothing, I repeat, * NOTHING *, wrong with that. It almost sounds as though you are apologising for desiring a state which is taken for granted by the vast majority of couples. If two people are in an "open" relationship and they're in agreement, there's nothing wrong with that, either. Though I do smile wryly at the thought that the couple who famously wrote a book on open marriage ended up divorcing for... wait for it... adultery...

 

Most of us want to make our partners happy, but if you find it's at the expense of your own core beliefs then your love will not last long.

 

If you don't want him to conform to your ideas of being monogamous, then let him go and find someone who's also desirous of a threesome without it making their heart ache.

 

If it's any consolation, if any partner of mine suggested a threesome with another woman, you wouldn't see me for dust. Any more than if he asked if it was OK for him to have any kind of sexual relationship with someone else.

 

For some men, sex is just sex - true. But not all. Men get emotionally involved, too, when they're with a woman they love.

Thank you for that

[Wolfshook]

Hey lovely people. So my boyfriend and I are in a different situation. He desires a threesome with another female time to time. Yes, I'm bisexual, but I'm struggling with just the idea. I'm so protective and slightly on the jealous side. I know for men, sex is just sex. And I guess technically we won't have a completely open relationship. I was considering maybe asking a friend? Someone I can trust. But what if I struggle with that too? Then what? I don't want him to have to conform to my ideas of being monogamous, thats not freedom. And if it hurts my heart to share him.. what do we do then? I would do anything to make him happy, and I would love his happiness to be with me. I am open to all suggestions.

 

Freedom isnt when you do something you dont support just to please your partner. Every relationship needs compromises,but the line has to be drawn somewhere.

 

Ask yourself whether you are truly up to this,and if you could stand that ieg he pays more attention to other girl than you without being jealous. If you cant firmly say yes to this then dont do it. Make your decision and stand your ground with it.

[agent1607307371]

If you are not up for a 3some, don't do it. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you have to cater to other people's fantasies. It doesn't mean that what you want counts for less.

 

Also, askling a friend would be the worst thing you could do. a) Your friend could dump you (I'd dump any friend who asked that of me) or b) you hate it and think about it every time you see them.

 

A 3some is not a necessity. If he insists - then he's just not the partner for you.

[Lostadventures]

If you are not up for a 3some, don't do it. Just because you're bi doesn't mean you have to cater to other people's fantasies. It doesn't mean that what you want counts for less.

 

Also, askling a friend would be the worst thing you could do. a) Your friend could dump you (I'd dump any friend who asked that of me) or b) you hate it and think about it every time you see them.

 

A 3some is not a necessity. If he insists - then he's just not the partner for you.

Thank you so much. I'm definitely talking with him tonight. If he doesn't like it... I'll go.

[Rising100]

Are you into open relationships?

Are you into only one person?

Or is it only because this relationship is with him?...

 

Also.

If you dont feel comfortable, dont do it. Everyone has their limits.

Have you told him how bad it makes you feel?

[mustlovedogs]

I've never had a threesome, but I think you should consider a stranger if you pursue one. I listed to a podcast where one speaker does threesomes with some frequency (it's a sex and love podcast) and she says using a known person will make it more relatable and your emotions are more likely to get tangled. You won't look at your friend the same way after, your bf may develop feelings, etc. if you do pursue it, seek out a "unicorn" on Tinder or OKC and keep it more anonymous (just my two cents).

 

BUT. That for sure does not mean you have to do it.

[ParisPaulette]

If you're the jealous type who doesn't want to share and go out and experience other men and women in addition to this guy then an open relationship is not for you. I have friends who are polyamorous. I don't think either one of them probably has any jealousy about anything in their bones. They do have rules though and an honesty I don't see even in most monogamous couples. And neither of them do anything they don't want to do or ask the other to do something they know their partner doesn't want to do.

 

Real open relationships are about two people who openly acknowledge to each other before they even become a serious couple that having sex just with each other won't be enough. It's not something one of you gets to bring out and say "Open only for me BTW" after you've been together and you signed up for a monogamous relationship.

 

And no, friends in threesomes are worse. I've known two marriages that died, because the couple thought it would be a great idea to sexually involve someone they personally knew in a threesome. Worst rookie mistake ever. The fallout is just absolutely the worst, because now you have this person who was just a friend and suddenly there's this whole other element with "Are they seeing each other behind my back?" "Are they just being nice to me, because they want my boyfriend/girlfriend etc."

 

The fact is you being bisexual has nothing to do with your desire for monogamy. They are two completely different things.

[Lostadventures]

Are you into open relationships?

Are you into only one person?

Or is it only because this relationship is with him?...

 

Also.

If you dont feel comfortable, dont do it. Everyone has their limits.

Have you told him how bad it makes you feel?

I'm personally into monogamous relationships.. we did talk about it tonight. I was told that he doesn't to hurt me and that he doesn't want to lose me. He also said he will strave the craving from himself. That kinda made me feel bad.. it made me feel like he was mad at me. I asked if he was happy... he said... well you aren't happy when you start a diet.. so no.

 

Terrible talk now that I look back. I'm getting mixed communication here.

[KantSleep]

Not sure what you mean by strave the craving. That said, it seems like he isn't happy with your lack of interest in a threesome. If it were me, I would likely have to move on. I am not the sharing type in bed. His request is not the norm. I am not criticizing anyone who engages in such activities, it's just that most people are not interested. If he really wants that, he is better off finding a lady who can give him that. I imagine there are websites he can go to find what he wants on his sexual menu. Good luck.

[Rising100]

I'm personally into monogamous relationships.. we did talk about it tonight. I was told that he doesn't to hurt me and that he doesn't want to lose me. He also said he will strave the craving from himself. That kinda made me feel bad.. it made me feel like he was mad at me. I asked if he was happy... he said... well you aren't happy when you start a diet.. so no.

 

Terrible talk now that I look back. I'm getting mixed communication here.

Damn... he put it that way... wow.

I would feel the same way...

[Batya33]

I'm personally into monogamous relationships.. we did talk about it tonight. I was told that he doesn't to hurt me and that he doesn't want to lose me. He also said he will strave the craving from himself. That kinda made me feel bad.. it made me feel like he was mad at me. I asked if he was happy... he said... well you aren't happy when you start a diet.. so no.

 

Terrible talk now that I look back. I'm getting mixed communication here.

It's not mixed. He is telling you he will do this for you because he is afraid of losing you. That would be fine IMO if itveasntcaboutvtje basic foundation of a relationship. Even if he is never unfaithful it's apparently not him to be monogamous just like for you it's the opposite. And please don't tell yourself that for men sex is just sex. It's not true and Kind of insulting to men.

[agent1607307371]

He's being quite manipulative.

 

Can I ask, did he know you were bisexual when you got with him? Has he had 3somes before?

[agent1607307371]

seek out a "unicorn" .

 

Do you know where the phrase unicorn comes from? The OP is the unicorn. It's how couples refer to younger bisexual women they want for 3somes.

[nutbrownhare]

Do you know where the phrase unicorn comes from? The OP is the unicorn. It's how couples refer to younger bisexual women they want for 3somes.

 

Well this forum is a heducation, and no mistake!

[mustlovedogs]

Do you know where the phrase unicorn comes from? The OP is the unicorn. It's how couples refer to younger bisexual women they want for 3somes.

 

The OP isn't the unicorn - the unicorn is the person desired to be the +1 in a relationship (ie the extra). At least that's how my poly friends use it

[Lostadventures]

He's being quite manipulative.

 

Can I ask, did he know you were bisexual when you got with him? Has he had 3somes before?

Hes always been manipulative. He knew I was bi from day 1. He also said he's been this way his whole life

[Lostadventures]

It's not mixed. He is telling you he will do this for you because he is afraid of losing you. That would be fine IMO if itveasntcaboutvtje basic foundation of a relationship. Even if he is never unfaithful it's apparently not him to be monogamous just like for you it's the opposite. And please don't tell yourself that for men sex is just sex. It's not true and Kind of insulting to men.

Well I guess he told me sex is just sex to him. "Its just something to do." He says

[agent1607307371]

Hes always been manipulative. He knew I was bi from day 1. He also said he's been this way his whole life

 

Did he tell you he was this way before he got into a relationship with you? Because I'm putting money on you bein bi the draw for him in this relationship.

[agent1607307371]

The OP isn't the unicorn - the unicorn is the person desired to be the +1 in a relationship (ie the extra). At least that's how my poly friends use it

 

 

I promise you, I'm bi. I've been hearing people talk about us like this since before the turn of the century. "Unicorn" did not come out of any place of respect.

 

A unicorn is a bisexual woman wanted to go out with a couple, but not be on any level with the couple. She's a sex game.

[Lostadventures]

Did he tell you he was this way before he got into a relationship with you? Because I'm putting money on you bein bi the draw for him in this relationship.

No... it was about a year in when he told me. And after he cheated several times