Just some thoughts 6 months after break-up and 3-4 months of NC

[jackie103]

My ex gf broke up with me in June to be single and enjoy life single, and to date others as well. She had just graduated college and moved to a new city for her job and we were together for almost 3 years. I told her I couldn't be in contact with her anymore in September and the first month and a half or so of NC, I was miserable. I'd cry every night and wake up feeling like crap. I had already unfollowed her feed on Facebook pretty quickly after she broke up with me and unfollowed her on Instagram and Snapchat. She is still following me on all accounts. I'm a pretty stubborn person, so I have not checked on her Facebook or Instagram since the break-up and I'm pretty proud of that. Some nights I feel like I'm ready enough to look on her facebook and be prepared to see pictures of her and possibly her with another guy, just so I know if she is with someone, but I don't let myself because deep down, I know I'm not ready.

 

Fast forward to now, I feel much better. I'm able to enjoy my life again and have fun. Some days I barely think about her (although there has not been a day when I haven't thought of her at all) and some days all I do is think about her. Sometimes I'll think about the good times and I'll smile but then a lot of the other times, I think about how she treated me badly and how she never stood up for me and I'll get upset and angry again. Sometimes I think about how I would like her back and how I could put aside everything to start a new relationship if she wanted to try again, and then other times i think "f her, I would never take her back". Sometimes I wish that she would get treated badly by new guys she dates just to see what she lost because I really think I treated her well and she even said that I did everything right. But then sometimes I think that I put myself on a pedestal and think that I was a perfect partner, even though I know I wasn't and did a lot of stupid things as well and that she will have no problem finding someone who will treat her right. Sometimes I have all these thoughts in one day and even in a short span of time, which is what happened this morning while I was laying in bed, which is what prompted me to write this.

 

I still feel and have so much love for her in my heart but I'm just letting things play out and letting life do its thing. I don't really plan on ever breaking NC (like I said, I'm really stubborn). Even though I was the one to initiate NC, I still believe that she should be the one to break it since she wanted the relationship to end. I want her to contact me but I don't know how I would even react if that were to actually happen and what I would do... it's a weird feeling and kinda confusing.

 

Anyway, just a little rant after lots of thoughts flowing through my mind this morning about her. Maybe one day the love I have for her will fade but as of right now, I don't see that happening anytime soon. I don't know when/if I will ever see her again or if we'll ever speak again, but there's really nothing I can even do at the moment so I'm just going to keep living life.

[Rising100]

Make up your mind already.

What is this that you want her to break the No Contact?

What is this considering you might want to talk to her again or not?

 

Make up your mind and decide which path you truly want. Dont wait for someone to choose you if they "feel like it" or "when they feel like it".

I give you props for making it this far, its painful and your mind plays with your feelings, specially with memories but you have to choose if you want this person in your life or not.

[jackie103]

Make up your mind already.

What is this that you want her to break the No Contact?

What is this considering you might want to talk to her again or not?

 

Make up your mind and decide which path you truly want. Dont wait for someone to choose you if they "feel like it" or "when they feel like it".

I give you props for making it this far, its painful and your mind plays with your feelings, specially with memories but you have to choose if you want this person in your life or not.

 

As far as things go for my side, she's out of my life. I'm not waiting for her, I'm just going to live my life. If she wants to be in my life, she needs to make the effort to reach out to me... I love her so of course I would want that to happen but I'm not settling for just friendship which is why I went NC. I think she thinks the ball is in my court because when I told her I was going NC, she was upset and said that if I ever change my mind, to contact her. I don't change my mind on decisions and I'm sticking to the one I've made here. I know that there would be A LOT of complications that would come with her wanting to get back together, but that's something we both need to deal with together when/if it ever happens.

[membername]

As far as things go for my side, she's out of my life. I'm not waiting for her, I'm just going to live my life. If she wants to be in my life, she needs to make the effort to reach out to me... I love her so of course I would want that to happen but I'm not settling for just friendship which is why I went NC. I think she thinks the ball is in my court because when I told her I was going NC, she was upset and said that if I ever change my mind, to contact her. I don't change my mind on decisions and I'm sticking to the one I've made here. I know that there would be A LOT of complications that would come with her wanting to get back together, but that's something we both need to deal with together when/if it ever happens.

 

What Im taking from your posts is while you're not breaking NC, you would like the boost of her contacting you. Correct?

 

Going NC isn't a test to see who contacts who first. NC is for you to just move on. Whether she contacts or not is not the objective. I'm not fully seeing this in these posts..I could interpret wrong.

[jackie103]

What Im taking from your posts is while you're not breaking NC, you would like the boost of her contacting you. Correct?

 

Going NC isn't a test to see who contacts who first. NC is for you to just move on. Whether she contacts or not is not the objective. I'm not fully seeing this in these posts..I could interpret wrong.

 

Although I'd like to hear from her in the future, ultimately, no it's not my objective. I'm going NC for myself. I'm doing a lot of things I would've never done while with her and planning trips to travel and whatnot after I graduate. I'm doing everything for me now as my life truly revolved around her while we dated. I'm not breaking NC because I want to see who "wins" but I'm not breaking NC because I don't see a point in it. I know it's the best for me and I won't set myself back

[RayF]

THere's nothing wrong with what OP is saying. Why should he make up his mond? There's nothing to make up. Emotions are not a decision they are organic.

 

He moved into no contact because he knew it's what he needed to heal

 

He's even saying he's not sure if he would take her back because he's on the road to healing. He knows the pain she caused him and it's not easy to forget that.

 

But he still loves this girl and that does not go away over night.

 

He is right that he may want her back after all this time but it's her decision and therefore she needs to contact him first. When and if she does he will decide what to do with that.

 

There's nothing wrong with hoping the person changes their mind. But he's not forcing the issue, trying to move on and doing what he should to make that easier.

 

This was all beyond his choice.

[membername]

Although I'd like to hear from her in the future, ultimately, no it's not my objective. I'm going NC for myself. I'm doing a lot of things I would've never done while with her and planning trips to travel and whatnot after I graduate. I'm doing everything for me now as my life truly revolved around her while we dated.

 

You've come pretty far and progressed from a month and a half ago.

 

However, I would suggest not thinking whether she will reach out. That could keep a inner feeling of hope alive and spiral other thoughts. The relationship ended for a reason and you made the choice of NC for a reason. Remind yourself why whenever you wonder or hope she will contact you.

 

Think also about why you think and wonder these things still. I'm always a believe in its never too late if both parties want to work things out genuinely. But, if you really want to move forward and there is no chance, then leave it in the past and continue down the path you've created, you've come pretty far to be looking back. You said she's still following you, I would suggest severing all ties to her, whether its you following her or her following you. My ex is blocked on virtually everything. She, in my opinion shouldn't be getting any updates on you. You maybe have a lingering emotional connection that you need to work on severing from her.

[bunzana]

There's nothing to make your mind up about. What you are feeling is completely normal. So much confusion follows a break up. You have so many questions and conflicting feelings. It's 100% normal to feel like you've moved on one day, and then feel the pain all over again the next. There are always parts of that person that you love that you wish you could have back, but there are parts you are glad are no longer in your life. Just keep doing what you are doing, and eventually one day, you won't think of her. Good luck!

[jackie103]

You've come pretty far and progressed from a month and a half ago.

 

However, I would suggest not thinking whether she will reach out. That could keep a inner feeling of hope alive and spiral other thoughts. The relationship ended for a reason and you made the choice of NC for a reason. Remind yourself why whenever you wonder or hope she will contact you.

 

Think also about why you think and wonder these things still. I'm always a believe in its never too late if both parties want to work things out genuinely. But, if you really want to move forward and there is no chance, then leave it in the past and continue down the path you've created, you've come pretty far to be looking back. You said she's still following you, I would suggest severing all ties to her, whether its you following her or her following you. My ex is blocked on virtually everything. She, in my opinion shouldn't be getting any updates on you. You maybe have a lingering emotional connection that you need to work on severing from her.

 

Yeah, I've thought about severing all ties on social media... the immature part of me wants her to see how much fun I'm having without her and how well I'm doing but I know that's the wrong way to go about this.

[reinventmyself]

Yeah, I've thought about severing all ties on social media... the immature part of me wants her to see how much fun I'm having without her and how well I'm doing but I know that's the wrong way to go about this.

 

It's a pseudo attachment of sorts. You haven't moved on. When you have, you won't care what she thinks.

You are doing this to provoke her.

 

I get that it's a conflicting place to be and it's a process. But if you really want to move on, delete her on social media and stop wondering

when and if she'll contact you.

 

If she does, bonus. But in the meantime you'll be that much further along in feeling better.

That is the ultimate goal, right?

[mandeelove]

Do u find that nc ever got easier or u still have intense feelings just like first day of nc? Have u gone out on dates with others?

[jackie103]

Do u find that nc ever got easier or u still have intense feelings just like first day of nc? Have u gone out on dates with others?

 

NC is 100% easier. I have no need or strong desire to talk to her anymore, she's just someone in my memory that I think about occasionally. I can actually continue on my days without feeling miserable.

 

And immediately after the break up, I went a little crazy with dating, trying to take my mind off of her. Honestly, that could've been one of the worst things I did... it only reminded me more of her and how no one I dated could compare to her. Like after every date i had, I would just come home and break down. So I've stopped with the dating for now cause in my opinion, love comes when it's least expected so I'm just gonna hang out and do me until that time comes and I'm ready.

[Rising100]

As far as things go for my side, she's out of my life. I'm not waiting for her, I'm just going to live my life. If she wants to be in my life, she needs to make the effort to reach out to me... I love her so of course I would want that to happen but I'm not settling for just friendship which is why I went NC. I think she thinks the ball is in my court because when I told her I was going NC, she was upset and said that if I ever change my mind, to contact her. I don't change my mind on decisions and I'm sticking to the one I've made here. I know that there would be A LOT of complications that would come with her wanting to get back together, but that's something we both need to deal with together when/if it ever happens.

I see.

Would you take her back if she wanted to be in a relationship with you?

Would you take her back if she wanted to be in a relationship with you after sleeping with someone else?

[jackie103]

I see.

Would you take her back if she wanted to be in a relationship with you?

Would you take her back if she wanted to be in a relationship with you after sleeping with someone else?

 

It's really hard to say but I can't say I haven't thought about it. IF she hadn't slept with anyone else, I think it'd be a heck of a lot easier to get back into a relationship. If she had slept with someone, I really don't know. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get over something like that, I feel like it'd just eat away at me. And yes, she'd be single at the time, but that's just a status/label... I still feel things from her actions, single or not.

 

But I think that if she were to ever come back, she would have slept with other people. The main reason she wanted to end things was because she felt like she needed to date around and experience things single and whatnot. She's had relationships before but she said "they were all bad people".

[jackie103]

It's a pseudo attachment of sorts. You haven't moved on. When you have, you won't care what she thinks.

You are doing this to provoke her.

 

I get that it's a conflicting place to be and it's a process. But if you really want to move on, delete her on social media and stop wondering

when and if she'll contact you.

 

If she does, bonus. But in the meantime you'll be that much further along in feeling better.

That is the ultimate goal, right?

 

You're right... I was doing it to provoke her. I've been thinking about this since I read your post yesterday and I just blocked her on Snapchat and Instagram. Really not sure how I actually feel right now, but there is a tiny sense a relief.