luisannalui Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 After two month of being apart she contacted me that she wanted me back. We dated for five month until last Wednesday. The reason of our first breakup was because I was too possessive, controlling and jealous. I did changed that completely but lately I kind of felt she was lying to me. So, there was a friend she had that in part contributed to ruin our first relationship, she still talk to her behind my back. I confronted her and she denied it got mad at me and even went out on Saturday without telling me with who and it was with her. (This woman is marry with two kids and loves and creates drama) That night she went out, when she came home I found out that she gave her number to a girl that she met at the club. I confronted her and she got mad saying that I was spying on her conversations and incoming/outgoing calls (Bills) I tried to convince her that It wasn't like that so I went online to show her that calls generates after an hour. (The reason why is because I asked about this girl on Wednesday not Sunday, so If I've been checking her in/out I would have confronted her on Sunday) Well, when I went online I found that She was still talking with an ex. (I know they are only friends, as the other girl she hide about, but what makes me mad is that she's lying to me ) So, now she wants nothing with me. During our new relationship, I demonstrated my change by giving her space, She told me that she communicates with the father of her son and I allowed her to even meet with him and talk to him in things pertaining to the child.(whom she got back when we first separated and left him to be with me, he almost killed her - now he has an order of protection and going to court, still she meets with him and allow him to take her son) I changed a lot of things of myself, I was more dedicating, attentive, and support her to go to work when she had down times and helped her with school work, even though she drop out of school saying that she could be using that time to work, but still she got into a depression mode during a month and I was there for her. She started working as a driver shes almost making more money than I am. I was there supporting her to get all of the requirements and helping her financially while she wasn't working. Also, she didn't give me any money while she was at my home- I cook food for her, washed her laundry and even when she was at home I prepared the kid in the morning to go to school while she was sleeping. It didn't bother me to do this, but she's only seeing the negative side of me. Another thing is that we were saving money (I managed the money) and she make tons of money during that month but there were spending that she had to make (tuition, gas, car rental, etc) and she was upset with me because at the end wasn't that much money left. She wasn't working for two month - and started working a month half ago. Now, she won't talk to me, she wants me out of her life after we planned to move in again. . She's having this wrong perception of me and she is not seeing what she have done wrong as well. She told me that all she wants is peace and the only way she can have it is by being away from me. have done everything I'm not supposed to do- begging, asking for another chances, calling, texting her. The last thing I did was ask her if I can still go to her son school show and she said NO., This was today. I understand that I have to go NC and stop bothering her but this is really painful for me. She still has clothes at my apartment and using my phone plan.I can't even understand why she's doing this the second time. Any Advice?
Edmund Exley Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 After two month of being apart she contacted me that she wanted me back. We dated for five month until last Wednesday. The reason of our first breakup was because I was too possessive, controlling and jealous. I did changed that completely This is you lying to yourself, and what you probably told her. Here's why: but lately I kind of felt she was lying to me. My advice to you is leave her alone. She deserves that.
luisannalui Posted December 14, 2016 Author Posted December 14, 2016 Edmund, I felt she was lying to me and in fact she was. I know I did wrong by checking on her phone but that day she came home drunk and she wanted to call a cab to leave. Than I saw her dials call and she called someone at 3am, when she was out of the home. I find out these things that she was hiding from me, she could have tell me the truth but she didn't.
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 You do sound quite jealous. It's not ok to look through someones phone after 5 months of dating, or even at all. It's an invasion of privacy.
luisannalui Posted December 14, 2016 Author Posted December 14, 2016 We've been dating for two years now. We got back together 5 month ago and I showed her progress of myself. I took her phone that night because she was drunk and was calling a cab (Just acting up) Than I saw this person number at 3am, yes I checked and did wrong. But she's accusing me of going online to check her incoming/outgoing calls and I do not do that. Worst I went online to show her that I do not and found out that she was still talking with an ex, they are just friend but I got angry- If I would have been checking her logs I would have known that they were still talking. Still she doesn't believe me.
luisannalui Posted December 14, 2016 Author Posted December 14, 2016 I still have hope because she didn't tell me about cutting her line so she still using it. But still her not wanting to move with me and telling that she don't love me anymore is just killing me. And again taking the child away from me.
MissCanuck Posted December 14, 2016 Posted December 14, 2016 This just sounds like a load of dysfunctional drama. It's going to be much better for you in the long run to accept that it's over.
luisannalui Posted December 15, 2016 Author Posted December 15, 2016 I understand I need to let her go, but that doesnt minimize my pain. I gave another chance after she left me to be with baby daddy. After 5 month of dating again me supporting her to get all the requirements to get her TLC license to be a cab driver and assisting her financially she now see herself independent and want nothing to do with me. I feel like she used me, that now that she don't need me she stepping away again. I went no contact since yesterday, today is her son performance which I practiced with him so he do his best now he wont see me there because hes mom wants nothing from me. He had the illusion of seeing us moving together, I took more care of him than she is did and still she didnt appreciate that.
katara42 Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 I understand I need to let her go, but that doesnt minimize my pain. It might not minimize it, but it might make the pain stop eventually. Believe me I get it. I get how you feel, but you have to experience it to let it go. The only way out is through. God I know how it hurts and you'd do anything to make it stop but you need something to change. You can't live like this. Hugs.
browser Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 I allowed her to even meet with him and talk to him in things pertaining to the child. This statement I quoted above says a lot about how much you've changed in regards to being possessive and controlling. You don't own this woman, it's not up to you to "allow her" to do anything and yet from how you put it, you act like you're doing her a favor and she should be grateful.
luisannalui Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 If you read the previous post I explained how baby father was after coming to the USA. Prior to our first breakup, she had two order of protection against him as he was threatening, following, and harassing her all the time. He didn't accept that she was with someone else, I was in between which make things worst but I just wanted to give her my support. After we ended the relationship, she got back with him and when she decided to end the relationship with him, he almost killed her drag her on the floor and punched her in the face. He was arrested for domestic violence and theres an order of protection against him. In our second relationship which was now, I tried my best to not get in between the relationship they have as parents. Although it scare me to know that she see him is her own decision and my only thing was to support her, that's what I tried to say with "allowing". Sorry, English is not my first language.
katara42 Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 If you read the previous post I explained how baby father was after coming to the USA. Prior to our first breakup, she had two order of protection against him as he was threatening, following, and harassing her all the time. He didn't accept that she was with someone else, I was in between which make things worst but I just wanted to give her my support. After we ended the relationship, she got back with him and when she decided to end the relationship with him, he almost killed her drag her on the floor and punched her in the face. He was arrested for domestic violence and theres an order of protection against him. In our second relationship which was now, I tried my best to not get in between the relationship they have as parents. Although it scare me to know that she see him is her own decision and my only thing was to support her, that's what I tried to say with "allowing". Sorry, English is not my first language. Holy, you are in a bad spot. I feel for you, I really do. I can't even give advice. Just some understanding.
luisannalui Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 It does get better, with time. This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. Everything is about her, I forgot about myself just to make her happy. I feel that was just happened recently was an excuse of her to get rid of me. She now don't need me as she feel more independent as she is making more money. But she forgot all these two years that I stop paying for my student and credit card loan to help her financially. I bought all of the furniture and now she just want me to sell them as she don't care about it. Just left me because she dont want to be with my anymore, left me for the second time.
luisannalui Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 I accepted her back after she had sex with this guy. I accepted her back after she cheated on me the first time, the second time I found out she was talking with a girl, after she went on vacation and didn't want me to go but I ended up going only she left a day ahead and met with this girl (Nothing happen and I believe her, but still she told me she wont' see her and ended up doing it) Again she lied, she hide things from me, she did things knowing that it will bother me, she cheated- and still wanted to save the relationship. But I'm the bad one when I found out things that she have hide from me. Seriously, I'm the problem?
luisannalui Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 She sees me as someone stable for her, that fight for the relationship, that forgive as I want her and her son close to me. But still, I'm the bad one when I get angry at things that she provokes. My friends tell me that the reason why she do all of this to me is because I allow her to do it, I forgive her easily without giving myself self respect and my value. I got to the point that I know they are right and that I need to start thinking of myself. But still it doesn't stop hurting.
Capricorn3 Posted December 16, 2016 Posted December 16, 2016 This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. ^ There ya go. Read that a hundred times a day. Really absorb it. I'll help you a little . This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. This is a very dysfunctional relationship and I know it need to STOP. Just left me because she dont want to be with me anymore, left me for the second time. Just left me because she dont want to be with me anymore, left me for the second time. Just left me because she dont want to be with me anymore, left me for the second time. Just left me because she dont want to be with me anymore, left me for the second time. Just left me because she dont want to be with me anymore, left me for the second time. Your own words. Make sure they stay in your head. It's over and done with. Let it go and move on.
luisannalui Posted December 16, 2016 Author Posted December 16, 2016 So I found out she won the lottery (less than 10k) she got the apt for herself and bought furniture. Thats why she ended the relationship she don't need me financially, thats why she told me to sell the furniture I got for both of us. Life is hell for me right now. She Used me the whole time!
ParisPaulette Posted December 18, 2016 Posted December 18, 2016 I'm going to offer you a slightly different perspective here. Regardless of what has happened, you gave her a second chance. And she blew it big time by being dishonest and using you until she had some other money and no longer needed you. This is the point where you block and delete her, send a text she is never to contact you again, it's done. And you then move forward, finally free and with your eyes fully open. And I say that because that $10,000 isn't going to last her long at all and I predict she'll be back when she's broke and is hoping you'll take care of her again. At that point do not let her get a toe hold in your life or in any way accept any communication from her. You move forward, work on yourself, work on having a good life, use this as a learning experience that people are who they are and if they displayed red flag behaviors (I remember your original post, yes there were serious red flags there) then they don't just change simply because they say they did. Tell yourself you decided to give her another chance, it did not work out, this is now a done deal and you aren't looking back ever. Then you go and rally friends and family, find a new activity to enjoy, and move forward. She has burned her bridges, that doesn't mean you can't build new and better ones without her. So do that for yourself. And yeah, I'm sorry this has happened, but look at it as now you're free to truly 1000 percent move on into your own future without anyone who is with you only for the wrong reasons. And there is something to be said for that, which you will come to understand more and more as you heal. Good luck and look up. It's the kindest thing you can and should do for yourself.
luisannalui Posted December 18, 2016 Author Posted December 18, 2016 Thank you fir your words. Idk how much exactly she won but enoughto be able to move by herself. It suck so much that she only needed me but didn't love me. Hanging in there!
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