When the ex says they love you but cant be with you

[B95]

Hi everyone. I'm really curious and also over-analyzing my ex's behaviour.

Firstly, we broke up because we were in a off and on relationship that had many trust issues and disagreements. We were together for two years and been through a lot as a couple. The last time we broke up has been for good, he seems happy and I'm moving forward. He stopped talking to me and pretty much refused to give me any closure of his behaviour so I needed to move on.

Tonight he tagged me on facebook in a the comments of a 'meme'. The meme was of a tv show we loved. We aren't even facebook friends but because we are apart of this private page, he was able to tag me. He said he wanted to buy me a jumper of the tv show for Christmas (it's a bit of an inside joke between him and I) and also said "love ya" on the comments. I text him and asked him what are his intentions and he responded with exactly this

" I'm your mate and I'll always love ya. Simple as that. I'm like any other guy saying that but you know what we could've had. I only remember the good times and yeah we won't be together again but you'll always be my mate."

 

I'm confused. Help!

[anonomousguy12]

Thats a bit strange considering you haven't spoken. And I think it's a bit unfair on him because he's giving across mixed messages.

You should continue moving on with your life, it's wrong for him to leave without giving you closure and then tag you in a meme as if nothing has happened.

[MissCanuck]

Don't read into it. Easier said than done, I realize.

 

My guess is he's trying to make himself feel better by extending the olive branch. You said he wouldn't give you any closure, which indicates you tried to speak to him about things and he wasn't interested in listening. He probably feels somewhat guilty about that, so he's trying to be "The Good Guy" and alleviate any lingering guilt.

 

I would just leave it at that and continue about your business as usual.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It may be best to stay no contact and block him from all social media so you are not subjected to meaningless social media breadcrumbs or ambiguous statements such as "love ya but can never be together".

 

What was the final breakup about and why was it on/off? Were you incompatible or were there chronically unresolved issues?

we broke up because we were in a off and on relationship that had many trust issues and disagreements. He stopped talking to me and pretty much refused to give me any closure." I'm your mate and I'll always love ya. Simple as that. I'm like any other guy saying that but you know what we could've had. I only remember the good times and yeah we won't be together again but you'll always be my mate."

[HeartGoesOn]

" I'm your mate and I'll always love ya. Simple as that. I'm like any other guy saying that but you know what we could've had. I only remember the good times and yeah we won't be together again but you'll always be my mate."

 

To put it bluntly, he's full of it. The bottom line is if he wanted to be with you, he would, therefore you're better off moving on from his long-winded nonsense.

 

In short, he doesn't have your best interest in mind, it's all about him. You can do much better...

[B95]

Sorry to hear this. It may be best to stay no contact and block him from all social media so you are not subjected to meaningless social media breadcrumbs or ambiguous statements such as "love ya but can never be together".

 

What was the final breakup about and why was it on/off? Were you incompatible or were there chronically unresolved issues?

 

Unresolved issues. I suppose that's an easier way to explain it. He was on tinder, he was abusive while drunk, he would go out and ignore me, he wasn't interested in any romance.. the list goes on greatly. Very sad. We went through a lot. We lost a baby, were in a very passionate relationship so I always hold feelings but I have to let go as we never got past all the hurt.

[Ms Darcy]

" I'm your mate and I'll always love ya. Simple as that. I'm like any other guy saying that but you know what we could've had. I only remember the good times and yeah we won't be together again but you'll always be my mate."

 

I'm confused. Help!

 

What I read is that he wants to be able to send you emotional messages but wants you to know that you will never get back together. That seems cruel. I would block him for sure.

[reinventmyself]

It feels somewhat like a kick and hug at the same time.

That's confusing.

Block him and move on.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this but it sounds like a lot of trauma bonding. You are given the gift of starting fresh with a sober, respectful man capable of more than cheating and abuse.

 

Go no contact and block him so you can heal and move forward.

He was on tinder, he was abusive while drunk, he would go out and ignore me, he wasn't interested in any romance.. the list goes on greatly. Very sad. We went through a lot. We lost a baby, were in a very passionate relationship so I always hold feelings but I have to let go as we never got past all the hurt.

[Belle2017]

Wiseman2 is wise indeed. And reinventmyself hit the nail on the head with the hug that feels like a kick. Mixed messages are so impossible to deal with - especially when the other person comes from a traumatic background. I think it can be extra hard to move on if you know the person's background and don't want to hurt them. But I'm starting to get my head around the fact that I'm not responsible for my ex's issues. (Starting to ... it's such a work in progress!)