What is your opinion on your S/O liking others photos on social media?

[Kaykayxo]

I've had this debate so many times with friends. Social media forms (I'm referring to Instagram, but even facebook and other sites where people post photos) are so prevalent now a days. My girl friends were saying it doesn't bother them when their boyfriends like other womens photos on Instagram. I don't even have an Instagram I actively use but I find it slightly bothersome to see the person I am with "liking" another's photo.

 

One of my friends argument was "it is just a photo". Her boyfriend is great, and I agree, but at the same time I just find that it is thirsty. By liking another womens photo he is basically openly declaring he finds her attractive,no? Am I the only one who finds it inappropriate and unnecessary?

[Dorey]

Of course he is going to find other people/women attractive. It doesn't mean he want's to pursue that person. Ever heard the saying 'look but don't touch'..

[Kaykayxo]

I am not saying when you are in a relationship you don't find other people attractive. I am just saying when it is, for example a picture of a mutual friend both parties know, and the women is dressed in a bikini, your bf liking the pic is kind of bothersome no? Obviously it is not the same as messaging the women, however giving her likes on her racy pic just seems inappropriate to me.

 

This is not a personal issue specifically,just a conversation that came up.

[gebaird]

What's the alternative? Tell your S/O which photos he can and can't like on social media? Seems a little controlling to me. An Instagram "like" is the equivalent of glancing at a girl walking by or checking out the Victoria's Secret posters at the mall. Let's face it, most guys with eyes are gonna at least steal a glance. It doesn't mean they're cheating douche bags. It just means they're GUYS. Without the "I like women" hormones, they'd have no interest in dating at all. I guess it could get out of control, but I don't think liking a photo here and there (as long as it's not a photo of an ex) is cause for great concern.

[j.man]

Well it's a dumb conversation. If your relationship's health depends on whether your guy likes a pic of a woman in a bikini, you're in rough shape.

[mustlovedogs]

I think it's immature to place such high importance on social media. When I "like" something, it's typically because something entertained me. Good photo, story, joke, something. I have never liked anything to get with someone or to sleep with someone or to express attraction.

 

If he's EXCLUSIVELY liking more provocative pictures... ok, maybe (but just maybe). But if he's just using social media like any normal human, no problem.

[Seraphim]

I have never noticed which stuff my husband " liked" or didn't . Too busy to care.

[Ms Darcy]

I've had this debate so many times with friends. Social media forms (I'm referring to Instagram, but even facebook and other sites where people post photos) are so prevalent now a days. My girl friends were saying it doesn't bother them when their boyfriends like other womens photos on Instagram. I don't even have an Instagram I actively use but I find it slightly bothersome to see the person I am with "liking" another's photo.

 

One of my friends argument was "it is just a photo". Her boyfriend is great, and I agree, but at the same time I just find that it is thirsty. By liking another womens photo he is basically openly declaring he finds her attractive,no? Am I the only one who finds it inappropriate and unnecessary?

 

I'm going to be honest with you. The friends that I have who would have an issue with this are the ones without a boyfriend. The ones who do have boyfriends or husbands, they don't.

 

Being with my husband, being concerned with larger themes of trust, respect, similar values, I have a different perspective. When you have a solid, healthy relationship, when you add "the next new thing" whether it's social media or the hot coworker who flirts with your husband or whatever, you rest on those foundations.

 

So ... no I don't find it bothersome in the slightest. Because I know him, I know his devotion to me, and I know it has no bearing on our vows.

[leseine7]

You don't actively have an Instagram, so you're basically just checking what he is liking (which is something you have to be looking for on IG, not just something you happen to stumble on), to see what he's up to. This is a symptom of the problem.

 

I am active on Social Media as part of running my own business and also staying in touch with family and friends. My boyfriend is also present on IG, Facebook, etc. I could not tell you what he 'likes' or comments on or responds to AT ALL. Doesn't mean I'm not interested or don't care; I just don't take the energy to check that tab to spy on what he's 'liking' and I don't follow him so closely on Facebook that I would even notice those kinds of details - I'm pretty sure you have to select that option to FOLLOW someone on Facebook in order to see every move they make there. We are a constant, active part of each others' day to day lives and I honestly cannot imagine even having social Media come up as an issue between us. I would be very sad if it did.

 

So none of this is said with judgment, but what do you think will happen if you just... stop watching his moves on social media? You don't need a web forum to confirm that the reason this is bugging you is a) a lack of trust in your relationship, and b) an insecurity making you worry that it "means something" if bf simply hits the "like" button on things. What if you use these forums (Facebook and instagram) to post your own pictures, show your own life (if you want), and stop watching him so closely?

 

It's up to you to determine why you have so little trust in your man, and why you feel the need to look into this so much.

[greta96]

This is the nature of the beast, social media being the beast. We live in a time period where we are encouraged to post all sorts of pictures in order to get 'likes' from 'friends', which in turn makes our egos blossom. This is what's "thirsty" about it, not a S/O liking pictures. It's all fake, because those are not real 'likes' nor are they coming from real 'friends' (for the most part of course, and especially when it comes to racy pics).

This is what we do these days, we 'like' things on social media. It means close to nothing, so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[JA0371]

I was at the mall yesterday Christmas shopping and this really hot girl walked by...I am totally heterosexual and this girl was so stunning I had to stare at her lol. So what do we expect men to do? I think men liking pics is no different than checking thm out in person and just giving them a thumbs up. If they aren't making inappropriate comments or flirting with them, then it's probably harmless.

[qwaspolk82]

I've had this debate so many times with friends. Social media forms (I'm referring to Instagram, but even facebook and other sites where people post photos) are so prevalent now a days. My girl friends were saying it doesn't bother them when their boyfriends like other womens photos on Instagram. I don't even have an Instagram I actively use but I find it slightly bothersome to see the person I am with "liking" another's photo.

 

One of my friends argument was "it is just a photo". Her boyfriend is great, and I agree, but at the same time I just find that it is thirsty. By liking another womens photo he is basically openly declaring he finds her attractive,no? Am I the only one who finds it inappropriate and unnecessary?

 

So you're gonna sit there and say you don't notice attractive men you happen to pass by? I'm calling bs. EVERYONE looks. EVERYONE notices. Just because you notice someone else who isn't your partner who is attractive doesn't mean you want to go have sex with them.

 

Liking someone's photo not inappropriate. Here's what would be inappropriate if your significant other is doing this. This is what my ex husband would do before and during our marriage: He would openly talk about women he found attractive. As in "Damn she's hot" if a girl drove or walked by. I said geez use your inside voice. I don't care if he would look but don't say it out loud in front of me. He was using dating sites while we were together. He was buying porn with my credit card - as if I wouldn't find out. Porn doesn't bother me. There's just no need to pay for it anymore.

 

Those things are inappropriate. Your significant other purely liking a photo of another girl - not a problem. Who is the girl? Is it a stranger? Family? Friend? Ex? My ex husband is friends on FB with a lot of the girls he has had sex with. Once in awhile he liked their photos. So what? He wasn't near any of them. He didn't hang out with them. He didn't talk to them regularly.

[qwaspolk82]

I am not saying when you are in a relationship you don't find other people attractive. I am just saying when it is, for example a picture of a mutual friend both parties know, and the women is dressed in a bikini, your bf liking the pic is kind of bothersome no? Obviously it is not the same as messaging the women, however giving her likes on her racy pic just seems inappropriate to me.

 

This is not a personal issue specifically,just a conversation that came up.

 

A bikini is "racy" now? Are we in the 1950s? It sounds kind of personal.

 

No I have no issue if any guy I'm with would like a picture of some girl in a bikini.

[Doc Blaze]

I think you are mixing a lot of things together in one.

 

 

I find many women attractive but that doesn't mean I want them or even want to be with them.

 

 

I don't even open that can of worms when it comes to So's liking pics, it can make your mind go crazy if you struggle with insecurity and stuff like that.

[DancingFool]

Zero issue. None. Zip. Nada. Wouldn't even bat an eye....wouldn't even pay attention enough to notice to be honest. Why? Because it's meaningless. Like totally meaningless.

[browneyedgirl36]

I have never noticed which stuff my husband " liked" or didn't . Too busy to care.

 

Same here -- my fiancee and I weren't even friends on Facebook until 9 months into our relationship, and while I notice what he posts (and I often react to his posts), I have no idea what he "likes" or responds to. Even if he did "like" another woman's photo, I think of it this way: People "like" posts about all sorts of things -- even sad things like deaths, funerals, etc. It doesn't mean they're happy about a death or funeral -- it's a show of support. When my friends (women, mostly) post nice pictures of themselves, I "like" the pictures because I'm showing them support -- "Hey, that's a good pic of you!" That's all.

 

Now, if my fiancee was commenting on provocative photos of women all the time -- with drooling face emoticons or inappropriate comments, for example -- it would give me pause. But, just "liking" something means very little.

[nutbrownhare]

I was at the mall yesterday Christmas shopping and this really hot girl walked by...I am totally heterosexual and this girl was so stunning I had to stare at her lol. So what do we expect men to do? I think men liking pics is no different than checking thm out in person and just giving them a thumbs up. If they aren't making inappropriate comments or flirting with them, then it's probably harmless.

 

This ^^^. I stare at attractive people, unusual-looking people, anyone who catches my eye.

 

A while back, I updated my FB profile pic with one taken by a very good photographer, and it got 80+ likes from both men and women. I'm not reading anything into any of it! My partner recently liked a photo his ex had uploaded to her FB page. So did I; it was a nice photo.

 

Someone who doesn't find other people attractive eventually isn't going to find you attractive either, so just enjoy and stop worrying!

[Unreasonable]

I "like" photos whenever somebody changes their profile picture, regardless of the sex. It's for support, even if I don't really care for it. It's not about attraction, it's about people being supportive. A quick 2 second thing just to make somebody's day a little better. It sucks to change your profile picture and have 3 people like it. Both me an my wife do this, for the same rationale.

 

If it's about attraction, then why aren't you questioning his motives when he like's a guys picture?

 

Now I don't have a bunch of bikini pictures and other sexy stuff flooding my wall, but I'd probably be a little more discerning with that stuff, in sensitivity of my wife. Cause I've been around the block a few times and am not a dolt. Even if I liked it, I would never comment on it and say something like "That's HAWT!" or whatever (even if it is, hehe).

 

Regular picture though? No. I don't think there's anything to be said about that. If you have a problem with that you might as well have a problem with him being a friend in the first place.

[Seraphim]

Same here -- my fiancee and I weren't even friends on Facebook until 9 months into our relationship, and while I notice what he posts (and I often react to his posts), I have no idea what he "likes" or responds to. Even if he did "like" another woman's photo, I think of it this way: People "like" posts about all sorts of things -- even sad things like deaths, funerals, etc. It doesn't mean they're happy about a death or funeral -- it's a show of support. When my friends (women, mostly) post nice pictures of themselves, I "like" the pictures because I'm showing them support -- "Hey, that's a good pic of you!" That's all.

 

Now, if my fiancee was commenting on provocative photos of women all the time -- with drooling face emoticons or inappropriate comments, for example -- it would give me pause. But, just "liking" something means very little.

 

Hahaha my husband and I were not even FB friends until maybe 8 months ago we have both been on FB nearly a decade. I do not even know how many social media accounts he has . I don't care . He goes to work he's home with me every evening unless he's at work . We don't hide our Internet usage from each other . We go to sleep relatively the same time . Nada to worry about. I am so busy with work and volunteering I swear I don't have the time for that kind of stuff or worrying.

[mandeelove]

I think likes are ok. Comments like" oh sexy, wow, pretty" etc thats too far. Likes are just likes. Nothing to it. ....secondly it depends on who the likes are,,,exes I feel men should never click like on. Just a boundary thing and a respect thing for the new gf.

[claire211]

No, you're not the only one. I also think that when your boyfriend likes other girls it's inappropriate. My ex liked girls on Instagram all the time, I monitored him about a month (I used Snoopreport) then I told him to stop as it really bothered me. But he continued and we argued a lot... Finally we broke up

[poorlittlefish]

I don't like it either, but tbh I avoid looking at my boyfriend's page so he's free to do as he wishes, but if he were to ask I'd say that I'd rather he didn't. Personally I find it disrespectful and wouldn't do it myself if I am in a relationship. If you were to start "liking" or commenting on hot shirtless guys would your boyfriend be OK with that?

[mandeelove]

I agree. It's not something I agree with either and it's baffling how many people do it while in relationships. It has become the norm. My ex who this post was about did that for the whole first year we dated , and even commented about their looks under the pictures. He stopped only when we became fb friends because I was looking. Before that he was doing it on a daily basis because we werent fb friends.

[Swede Levov]

What's the alternative?

 

To permanently deactivate all of it and read more classic paperbacks together.

[Swede Levov]

How so? I think it's a perfectly reasonable concern. Why is this "dumb," and what are more appropriate indications of relationship health, in your opinion?