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Defining this relationship? hook up only or is there potential?


amanduhhpanda

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I met this guy this quarter at uni. We are both in the same dorms. I feel like we hit it off right away because there was an instant connection and we got along quickly. I slept with him pretty soon (3 dates) and we continued hooking up. For awhile, I just assumed that we were just friends with benefits because he doesn't text me all day or told me straight up that he likes me but yet he hasn't made it clear if this is just a hook up or if its going somewhere else.

 

But the lines were kind of blurred when he started doing "boyfriend things"

such as offering to take care of me when I was sick, helping me with homework, sleeping over his house after frequently, getting food together, going out to bars/clubs together, him introducing me to his friends, going to the gym together, him giving me the silent treatment when he gets jealous, and etc.

 

Now that the quarter ended and winter break is here, we have 1 month off from school and he briefly made plans to hang out but we barely communicate.

I wanted to "define the relationship" before we went on break but I didn't have the guts too and was hoping that he would bring it up but he didn't.

 

Last night, I hung out with a guy friend of mine (I know he gets jealous of him) and now he is giving me the silent treatment like he always does when he gets jealous.

I guess my question is a two part question.. are we only hooking up/ friends with benefits or is this heading towards a relationship?

and my other question is should I give him a few days to come to me? I contacted him twice and no response... is he giving me the silent treatment or is he losing interest?

 

I would appreciate your two cents

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Wouldn't say it's heading towards a relationship. Some men can compartmentalize things better than others. There are many men who can meet up with a women regularly for sex, but will not do all the extras you say he does. There are also men who can be having casual sex with a women he isn't necessarily interested in making his girlfriend, but he gets along well with and likes. Seems like he is that type. He enjoys some of the comforts that come along with relationships - sex, companionship etc, however he doesn't seem to be in any rush for something long term or serious. If he was, he would lock you down. His jealousy or "silent treatment" just points to possessiveness and insecurity more than desire to make you his girl friend. Men are territorial and jealous creatures, but it does not always indicate what you are implying.

 

Also, he probably feels no need to commit to you because he views you as easy. You haven't demanded anything, don't seem to set up expectations, and gave him sex early on. You are low maintenance to him so he feels no pressure or pull to lock you down.

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You've done your part by contacting him. If he chooses not to respond, no sense continuing to text him. You'll just come across as desperate and needy.

 

Let him miss you over the winter break. You'll have your answer when it's over -- either he'll run to you, in which case you can have the "define the relationship" conversation, or he'll keep his distance, in which case you can let him go.

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Also, he probably feels no need to commit to you because he views you as easy. You haven't demanded anything, don't seem to set up expectations, and gave him sex early on. You are low maintenance to him so he feels no pressure or pull to lock you down.

 

What should I do? Start demanding?

Thanks for your honesty

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Nobody can know what's going to happen and what his intentions are, he is the only one who knows. It's time you two sat down and had the conversation, so you both know where you stand. You've already done your part and tried contacting him, so now you need to take a step back and let him contact you. And when he does, you make sure to put all cards on the table and define the relationship together. Remember, it's not only him who gets to dictate what happens, you have a say in this too! You let him know what you want out of this, then let him tell you what he wants out of this, because things cannot continue the way they have been, with him giving you the silent treatment every time he gets jealous even though you two are not technically a couple. Time to act like the adults that you are, and leave the childish behaviors behind! It's up to you to get the clarification you need, we can only guess and speculate.

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Sorry but the jealousy and controlling silent treatment part are not "bf like" they are red flags and creepy.

 

Whatever this is... hookups, fwb, dating, whatever it's bad because of that behavior/attitude on his part.

 

The relationship is whatever you want it to be. You don't need his definition or "where are we talks". You drive situations by Your actions not someone else's permission or talk.

he started doing "boyfriend things" such as giving me the silent treatment when he gets jealous, and etc. I hung out with a guy friend of mine and now he is giving me the silent treatment like he always does when he gets jealous.
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