Sorry, I can't offer you more than friendship right now

[katara42]

God I'm pissed. I'm so pissed at my ex. I'm pissed at myself.

 

He managed down my expectations until the only time he was happy with our relationship was *when we didn't have one*. I finally got strong and got free.

 

But I STILL went back! I got free then went BACK. I thought he saw my worth. I thought he was sorry. Then after hooking up for weeks, he hits me with the friend thing. God I'm so stupid. So stupid.

 

He can be mean and vindictive. He has threatened my job, he has threatened to "put a knife through my face and they'll never find the body" (it's just him talking tough - physical threats were very uncommon and he was never physically abusive). But oh how he ground me down.

 

I was free and I put myself right back into it. A cheater who dates so many losers he thinks he is better than everyone. Big fish little pond.

 

I'm sure I'll have more to say about this in future posts while I get the rants out. Ugh. If he called right now and begged for me to forgive him, guess what I'd do? Stupid stupid woman argh! I have him blocked everywhere but my phone just hides his texts. So I keep checking. No texts. If he ever loved me a little I hope he is kind and leaves me alone. God I HATE this feeling!!

[gebaird]

Getting free from someone who is bad for you isn't easy -- and just when you think you ARE free, you may find yourself going back. It makes absolutely no sense to the rational mind, but complete sense to the wounded heart.

 

Be strong, katara. It might not feel like it, but each time you go through cycle this you're become strong and wiser. Keep coming here for support. We'll help you in any way we can.

[katara42]

Be strong, katara. It might not feel like it, but each time you go through cycle this you're become strong and wiser. Keep coming here for support. We'll help you in any way we can.

 

Thank you. You made me tear up a little in a good way.

[Ms Darcy]

What makes you want to be with him?

[Wiseman2]

Read up on sociopaths. "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, PhD. and "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us" by Robert Hare, PhD

 

It will help you see what you are dealing with and the slight of hand involved in why you go back.

he has threatened to "put a knife through my face and they'll never find the body" But oh how he ground me down.

[katara42]

What makes you want to be with him?

I ask myself the same thing. All I can say is when he is nice it feels amazing. Intoxicating. It's not healthy. I know it isn't healthy. That's why I'm so mad at myself.

[katara42]

Read up on sociopaths. "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, PhD. and "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us" by Robert Hare, PhD

 

It will help you see what you are dealing with and the slight of hand involved in why you go back.

Thank you for this, will read after work. I value your insights, you give great advice.

[Belle2017]

I posted about a similar issue - my ex has a trauma background but the mixed messages and mindgames are becoming increasingly hard to deal with. Do you think your ex is cruel or wounded? (I guess they could be both)

[katara42]

I posted about a similar issue - my ex has a trauma background but the mixed messages and mindgames are becoming increasingly hard to deal with. Do you think your ex is cruel or wounded? (I guess they could be both)

Wounded, probably, it would make sense. He's a good guy in there. He is just different somehow, a more traditional kind of guy maybe with emotions? I don't think he's doing it completely on purpose or anything. It's just always worked for him, kind of. Just like everyone, if you're happy enough where you are why change.

 

Maybe that makes it feel a bit better but doesn't really make it easier. I don't want to care about the why. I don't want to feel sorry for him right now. The "what is" needs to be dealt with. I know the hardcore angst is coming lol, these are early days. It was good to go through these thoughts, thanks for sharing.