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Approaching a difficult subject.


paintedfish

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I'm not sure if I should approach my husband about losing weight, and if so, how.

 

When we first got together he was about 20-30 lbs less. Back then he rode a bike 26 miles to work and back, 5 times a week. Once he was riding less, he started gaining weight around his middle. This amount of weight isn't awful, and I am really glad he's not on a bike for that long, it used to scare me! But, I am really conscious of staying in shape, and maintaining my weight.

 

I obviously love him no matter what he looks like, and I am grateful for him and all he does. I have tried suggesting we do things together, but we are into completely different types of exercise. He works full time and is now back in school, and I work full time and have just graduated and have joined two labs to prepare for grad school. We don't have a lot of time and he's always tired. I just know his diet is terrible and he drinks a lot of his calories.

 

Should I let it go? Again, I love him but it's hard to be as attracted to him physically when he's letting himself go. Our sex life is still solid... it's hard to explain without sounding shallow. He could gain 100lbs and I'd still love him.

It's just if there's another option, I'd like to tell him.

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Oh I know, I don't nag. And I'm very gentle and supportive of the plans he comes up with, but they don't stick. We both do the shopping. I never buy snacks for myself and I eat healthy but we don't eat together all the time since we're busy. I don't really have any influence over what he eats.

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As someone battling weight myself. I think you should defer from confronting him about it. Trust me he knows! It's not something you become oblivious too yourself every time you look in the mirror, the change is visible. No nagging, being critical or controlling when it comes to food.

 

He has to figure this out himself.

 

Lisa

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Oh I know, I don't nag. And I'm very gentle and supportive of the plans he comes up with, but they don't stick. We both do the shopping. I never buy snacks for myself and I eat healthy but we don't eat together all the time since we're busy. I don't really have any influence over what he eats.

 

 

That's good. Just remember to keep it that way. I think he will follow your lead if you suggest going for a walk or something active.

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Thank you for your responses!

 

He's actually really active. Even when he was riding his bike 8 miles to work, he had put on the weight and it has just stayed there. Should I just leave it alone and deal with it? It's something I have no control over (I've tried gently) unless I want to make him feel awful. Which still probably wouldn't help and I won't be responsible for making someone feel that way.

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I'd say, let it go for a while. It might be stress related, and nagging him about something that he is probably already aware of will most likely be counterproductive. I know you say that you don't nag, but broaching this subject with him would amount to nagging. Let him come to you about it, and then provide support.

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If it's truly not an attraction thing, let it go. But I do think you need to really, really examine that to make sure your not in denial about that, because you're denying stuff before it's even being asked. If it IS about attraction, then don't cover that up so you don't feel bad. He needs to know that.

 

If he's at a serious health risk, go ahead and address it. But don't make it about appearance (again, if it's really not about that), make it about health. That you want him to be healthy and be with you as long as possible, etc.

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