Did I make the right decision to cut her from my life?

[WRL]

First post. Trying to keep this short. - Edit - failed miserably.

 

Together 7 years.

Split to pursue jobs in different cities.

Long distance for one year, she ended things with a text…( ! )

Continued to speak everyday for months.

Then spoke at least once a month for several hours - never any negative feelings.

I moved home after 10 months apart because work & new city weren’t for me.

Still have very strong feelings for this girl and tried to reconcile.

 

I told her I was moving home and exactly how I felt. She said we could not be together again as too much had changed and the relationship wouldn’t be the same. She mentioned that over last couple of months she had been on a few dates with someone but it wasn’t serious and she hadn’t even told her friends about it - her words.

 

We begin talking again, a lot, for about four months until I had moved back home. We chatted about life, reminisced about old times and flirted a little bit too. I finally moved home and a few weeks later asked her for a coffee and she declined saying she didn’t want to lead me on. This lead to me questioning why she had been talking to me so much, and flirting and reminiscing about nice things we had done - politely I might add. To which she got defensive and insisted she hadn’t been flirting. And went on to say that she is still seeing someone (she literally had not mentioned this dude once since we started talking again, just that she had been on a few dates with someone).

 

She said she is in a really awkward situation with that person because they don’t want anyone to know that they are dating and so keeping it on the down low…and that not telling people is the right thing to do…and that I should trust her because she is doing it for the right reasons…and that I will be the first person she tells when they decide to make it official.

I told her she had been leading me on, and that I won’t be speaking to her again and proceeded to delete her of Facebook & IG and all that jazz.

 

Even as I write this I can see how painfully ridiculous this situation is. It has been a year and I still find myself thinking about her all the time, even though she has been in some kind of weird secret relationship, that nobody can know about.

 

Did I do the right thing by just cutting her out my life? I do still have genuine feelings for her, and I would love to be with her again. But I’m annoyed she has been leading me on for so long. And there is so much potential drama surrounding this secret relationship. I have been a week no contact, she text me a few days ago, I ignored it.

[rosephase]

First she hasn't been leading you on. She told you she doesn't want to get back together with you. Then she told you she is dating someone. Then she reminded you that she didn't want to get back together and reminded you she is dating someone.

 

Stop contacting her and seeing her and give yourself space to heal.

[and so it goes]

Yeah, you need to move on and put some distance between the two of you. Actually at this point, I think it will hurt less than you think it will - it will be liberating actually - you've been putting alot of work into something that isn't a romantic relationship.

 

However, don't be rude and ignore her text. Just answer it and say that you need some time away. Be vague and then go work on yourself.

[reinventmyself]

I agree with rosephase.

She told you straight up what was going on and yes, she continued to talk to you and reminisce.

 

It's your choice how you want to interpret your interaction and seeing it could have gone either way, you should have erred on the cautious side.

 

Yes, cut her out of your life and move on.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Excellent you deleted, blocked her and went no contact.

 

She didn't lead you on because she was explicit that it was over and she was seeing someone. However she did play nice to maneuver you into the friendzone.

 

Yes, you did the right thing to heal and move on. Who wants to listen to an exes dating adventures? Never let them make you into a male-girlfriend.

asked her for a coffee and she declined saying she didn’t want to lead me on. And went on to say that she is still seeing someone. I told her she had been leading me on, and that I won’t be speaking to her again and proceeded to delete her of Facebook & IG and all that jazz.

[WRL]

Ok thanks for the responses. It is really hard to evaluate situations when you are so close to them, so I really appreciate your input. I think I got blinded by the possibility of getting back together rather than seeing what was in front of me. Basically seeing what I wanted to see. Thanks again.