Why do I feel so hurt when it was casual hook up

[ShinnyWhite]

I met this guy six months ago. We started actively talking/flirting and dating three months ago.

He pursued me and I did not open up because ..I've had guys pursuing me only because of my appearance. I was sort of at being tired phase. But he really paid attention to me and I am a person who always need close people around. I need to share my daily thoughts, life etc with close friends. He remembered when he first saw me, and then talked to me, and other small details I mentioned and then completely forgot. By the time I met the guy, all of my really good friends left the town so I kind of opened up.

 

However, now thinking of it, I am not sure if I liked the guy emotionally or if it was just sexual attraction from my side as well. We did not go for date but it was more of hangout and sleeping together relationship.

I liked sleeping with the guy because he cared about my happiness than he cared about his excitement. But as time passed by, he started asking less question about my daily life, and he would not sooth my troubled heart/life crises.

I thought it is funny because even guy friends who mutually have no sexual attraction would sooth my troubled heart more well than the guy I was kind of seeing. Also I did not feel jealous at all when I saw him flirting with girls. I just thought 'whatever, I know you will come after me' and did not care at all.

 

He went for vacation and will be away for about two months. He texted me this morning but did not seem to want to continue making conversation so I stopped, and no text or whatsoever. Then one of common friends showed a picture he shared and he seemed so happy. We talked before he left, and said to give a break. I can do whatever I want and he can do whatever he want. We said we are friends because nothing really started thus nothing really ended. But why do I feel so hurt deeply? Is it my ego that is hurt? I feel like....no one can like me the way I am really and I also feel..he is not emotionally available because I am unattractive looking woman. I feel like...he does not like me anymore because I am not intelligent enough. Why does it have to be a common friend who asks me if I am okay when I am going through personal crises not him who can pay more attention and care more?...is it because I am not good enough?....I almost burst into tears when I was with a common friend but of course I hid what I feel. I want to cry but cannot cry. I thought it is better to write here instead of me typing and sending text msg when he seems to need to enjoy whatever he is doing now.

 

It is really funny, however, he indirectly asked me seeing guy friends with mutual no sexual attraction. Also he deleted my ex-date from his social media followers list when he found out we were together before and I was madly in love.. (it was quite sometime ago..)

[gebaird]

Whether you realized it or not, it sounds like a part of you was/is looking for more than a casual hookup. The fact that you are experiencing a self-worth crisis after being dismissed tells me you were in deeper than you may be admitting. If casual hookups aren't working for you, look for a different kind of relationship that can meet your needs and won't leave you feeling this way.

[Wiseman2]

If you develop too many feelings and too much dependency on and attachment to a fwb situation it will hurt when it ends.

 

It may be wiser for you to date looking for a relationship which includes emotional involvement. This has nothing to do with your looks.

 

It has to do with your lack of boundaries and not looking for the right things and instead settling for a "who cares?" attitude.

I've had guys pursuing me only because of my appearance. I was sort of at being tired phase. We talked before he left, and said to give a break. I can do whatever I want and he can do whatever he want. We said we are friends because nothing really started thus nothing really ended.

[ShinnyWhite]

Maybe the reason I gave a shot was because I recently found out a guy friend who I adore so much liked me before when I also liked him. We talked about it and he told me he was not able to read any signal from me so he was scared to pursue me. By that time I was also scared to death because I was kind of dumped by the guy who I was madly in love with but was only date kind of relationship. The guy I mentioned on the thread, he was clear from the beginning that it would be nothing more than casual relationship, but I got interested in him and did not want to loose any chance that may turn into something else. So it was not about him but more of me. I think I had this 'whatever' attitude because I wanted to protect myself from getting more emotional damage. I am also going away for holiday and have chances to meet other guys. So I hope I can find a person who I can pursue emotional involvement. I just don't know how long it will take to heal this hurt feeling ...

[gebaird]

The guy I mentioned on the thread, he was clear from the beginning that it would be nothing more than casual relationship, but I got interested in him and did not want to loose any chance that may turn into something else.

 

I'm so sorry you got hurt Perhaps next time you will believe it when a guy says it will be nothing more than casual. There's always a possibility it can turn into something more, but it's a risky strategy that is more likely to result in heartbreak than not.

 

I hope you can find healing soon.

[Wiseman2]

Ironically that hurt you more than being real and sincere and honest with yourself. You won't heal with mindless hookups and a wall around yourself. You will only get more hurt.

I think I had this 'whatever' attitude because I wanted to protect myself from getting more emotional damage. I just don't know how long it will take to heal this hurt feeling ...

[Bullard]

I usually become very interested in the person even on just a hook up. I've always had a problem with this.