I always have these fleeting urges to end my relationship

[TiredOfDating]

It's going great, we get along very well, we have a nice little routine each week, we make regular "dates" in addition to just having occasional Netflix and Chill style sleepovers. He took me to his company Christmas party, gave me beautiful earrings as my christmas gift. great conversation.

 

it's been almost 5 months. we discuss the future in general terms, he hints at 6 month dating anniversary plans and Valentine's Day plans.

 

but every once in awhile I just look at him and think, maybe I'll break up with him. For absolutely no reason.

 

anyone else experience this?

[SapphireNoir10]

are there any incompatibilities at all? Or any little doubts you have floating around? Are you attracted to him?

[gebaird]

I get stupid urges all the time that I don't indulge. Is that what's going on, or is it something deeper -- like a subconscious knowledge that something is off? Have you experienced this in previous relationships? Are you young and wondering what else is out there?

 

If the relationship is good otherwise, I'd just let those thoughts pass. Continue dating him, and in the coming months you'll be able to make a more informed decision about whether the relationship is or isn't working for you.

[Wiseman2]

Are you attracted to him? Is it getting too boring or predicable?

 

Do you prefer to chase? Or have a thing for unavailable or bad-boy types?

 

Why do you look at him and think this? Is it him or you?

[TiredOfDating]

Are you attracted to him? Is it getting too boring or predicable?

 

Do you prefer to chase? Or have a thing for unavailable or bad-boy types?

 

Why do you look at him and think this? Is it him or you?

 

it's totally me. he's wonderful. we're good together. it's a totally calm, peaceful relationship. I'm happy with him in every way. it started out a little rough, but it's been really good. i think mostly it's my old habits of rejecting someone before they reject me. old habits die hard.

[j.man]

5 - 6 months is a pretty typical time for the honeymoon feels to start wearing off. I think it's possible for someone to notice the butterflies having gone away, but I don't think it's normal to look at them and think, "maybe I'll dump them." That seems pretty straight forward to me. People who are "happy in every way" with someone simply don't do that.

[TiredOfDating]

5 - 6 months is a pretty typical time for the honeymoon feels to start wearing off. I think it's possible for someone to notice the butterflies having gone away, but I don't think it's normal to look at them and think, "maybe I'll dump them." That seems pretty straight forward to me. People who are "happy in every way" with someone simply don't do that.

 

I don't REALLY want to dump him. And I wouldn't even say the honeymoon period is over. We still both get all giddy over every lunch date, real date, get-together we have. The chemistry between us is still pretty crazy.

[katrina1980]

It's going great, we get along very well, we have a nice little routine each week, we make regular "dates" in addition to just having occasional Netflix and Chill style sleepovers. He took me to his company Christmas party, gave me beautiful earrings as my christmas gift. great conversation.

 

it's been almost 5 months. we discuss the future in general terms, he hints at 6 month dating anniversary plans and Valentine's Day plans.

 

but every once in awhile I just look at him and think, maybe I'll break up with him. For absolutely no reason.

 

anyone else experience this?

 

Oh yes I am sort of going through the exact same thing now as a matter of fact.

 

Do you think maybe you are bored? Or don't feel challenged enough? Or I hate to say it, but do you think it's possible you need a bit more emotional stimulation or dare I say, drama in the RL?

 

What have your previous RLs been like?

 

My last RL (six years, ended one year ago) was chock full of drama and chaos.

 

Which believe it or not I thought was normal, because my childhood was like this too, so it was familiar.

 

The passion and intensity was there, but in the end it all came back to bite me in rear, so I ended it.

 

Now I am with a man who is the exact opposite. I have zero complaints about him, things are great, he treats me well, is very successful, good looking the whole nine.

 

The sex is good too, and we basically have a great time together!

 

But TBH, I don't know, I just feel "something" missing.

 

I don't think I am addicted to (or not addicted but "drawn to") a bit of chaos but I might be!

 

There have been a couple of threads created in the past couple of days about men (whom I suspect) get off on drama and the "crazy girl" and I have advised the women to leave.

 

I don't think it's healthy to be this way, so need to explore this within myself.

 

Anyway, I am not suggesting you need more drama or emotional stimulation in your RL, just asking cause as I said I am going through the same thing and feel the same exact way you do.

[nutbrownhare]

Sometimes, if we're in a relationship which is going very well and is meeting all our needs (at least those relating to the relationship), it can feel as though "something is missing". What this often means is that we're neglecting some other significant area of life which is important, but has somehow been passed by in the thrill of romance, an' all that. So, something is indeed missing - but not necessarily from the relationship. In fact, most likely NOT from the relationship.

 

If you find yourself in this situation it can be useful to think about life, interests, friends, events we used to go to before the relationship started... have any of these things been neglected? Especially ones which are exciting and dramatic?

[lostandhurt]

Reading your history through your old threads it seems at one time you preferred short term NSA flings because they were safe and you didn't have to worry about getting hurt but now you both have expressed your love for each other and things are getting emotionally deep between you.

 

This can be scary and can cause a flight response in some.

 

From what I have read you seem very happy together so what ever you do don't act on your impulses. Could you imagine dating again? Trying to find a guy as good as this guy?

 

I think you answered your own question which is really good. Sometimes we are our own best therapist if we are able to be brutally honest with ourselves.

 

Lost

[Wolfshook]

Check out"school of life" youtube account, they talk alot about why people feel in a similair way you feel.

[TiredOfDating]

Oh yes I am sort of going through the exact same thing now as a matter of fact.

 

Do you think maybe you are bored? Or don't feel challenged enough? Or I hate to say it, but do you think it's possible you need a bit more emotional stimulation or dare I say, drama in the RL?

 

What have your previous RLs been like?

 

My last RL (six years, ended one year ago) was chock full of drama and chaos.

 

Which believe it or not I thought was normal, because my childhood was like this too, so it was familiar.

 

The passion and intensity was there, but in the end it all came back to bite me in rear, so I ended it.

 

Now I am with a man who is the exact opposite. I have zero complaints about him, things are great, he treats me well, is very successful, good looking the whole nine.

 

The sex is good too, and we basically have a great time together!

 

But TBH, I don't know, I just feel "something" missing.

 

I don't think I am addicted to (or not addicted but "drawn to") a bit of chaos but I might be!

 

There have been a couple of threads created in the past couple of days about men (whom I suspect) get off on drama and the "crazy girl" and I have advised the women to leave.

 

I don't think it's healthy to be this way, so need to explore this within myself.

 

Anyway, I am not suggesting you need more drama or emotional stimulation in your RL, just asking cause as I said I am going through the same thing and feel the same exact way you do.

 

its good to know I'm not alone the only one! thank you for posting! you could be on to something too. my last relationship was a big mess and unhealthy in so many ways, and we share a child so still have to communicate, which inevitably turns ugly.

 

Even before that though, I had other issues. I've been in VERY FEW relationships, especially for someone who's 40 years old. I am a therapists dream come true with all the issues I could blame my mother for! I would probably say I never felt worthy of having a significant other, so when I was interested in someone, I could literally pick them apart and discard them in my mind in 30 seconds. I always worry too much about what family, friends will think of people I date. And I don't know that I even actually ever cared, it was just an excuse to push a potential love interest away.

 

Like you, I really have ZERO complaints. but I catch myself, very briefly thinking, "eh, I need to break up with him".

[TiredOfDating]

Reading your history through your old threads it seems at one time you preferred short term NSA flings because they were safe and you didn't have to worry about getting hurt but now you both have expressed your love for each other and things are getting emotionally deep between you.

 

This can be scary and can cause a flight response in some.

 

From what I have read you seem very happy together so what ever you do don't act on your impulses. Could you imagine dating again? Trying to find a guy as good as this guy?

 

I think you answered your own question which is really good. Sometimes we are our own best therapist if we are able to be brutally honest with ourselves.

 

Lost

 

God no, I do NOT want to go through dating all over again. And when I try to explore why I have those thoughts, it's never about wanting someone else, it's always like "eh, I was fine on my own".

 

I do also agree it's probably a flight response from things progressing in a healthier way than past dating attempts.

 

But yes, we are very happy so no, I don't intend to act on these impulses.

[lostandhurt]

I don't think you see how well you have it. Many people get into relationships because the feel like the NEED to be in one to be whole and really are not good all alone. You on the other hand were perfectly fine alone but you have chosen to share your life with him an he with you. That is much healthier and a very good foundation to build something lasting and special.

 

Embrace what you have and the next time you see him before any words are spoken plant a big wet kiss on him he won't soon forget.

 

Lost

[JaggerJim]

It's christmas season to breakup!

 

Everyone gets "christmas break-up fever" sounds like you have it.

 

Think about is this just about christmas, or if when you look at him you just want to get rid of him.

[katrina1980]

It's christmas season to breakup!

 

Everyone gets "christmas break-up fever" sounds like you have it.

 

 

Hmmm, I've never heard of "christmas break-up fever." Is that a British thing? lol

[Wiseman2]

It's christmas season to breakup!

 

]

[katrina1980]

Hey that's pretty cool!! Although I think you're reading it wrong.

 

Christmas is way down on the bottom (follow the line), indicating it is not a peak break up time (too cruel).

 

Valentine's Day is in the middle which is sort of shocker!

 

It's still a cool graph though!

[Luna2014]

I have that feeling once in a while in my past relationships and in current relationship (way less frequent than before though which is a good sign). When I think twice about these urges, I believe part of them were because of my own insecurities that I need to work on, the rest were just pure subconscious self-preservation of not wanting to get hurt (again) - when you are in love, you allow yourself to be vulnerable.

 

We all have thoughts, all kinds of thoughts, every day, but it doesn't mean that we need to act upon all of them. It could mean something, or perhaps nothing, who cares. If the relationship is going well, no specific reason or red flags screaming to proceed with caution, then no need to second guess yourself. We just have to deal with things as they come.

[mustlovedogs]

Hey that's pretty cool!! Although I think you're reading it wrong.

 

Christmas is way down on the bottom (follow the line), indicating it is not a peak break up time (too cruel).

 

Valentine's Day is in the middle which is sort of shocker!

 

It's still a cool graph though!

 

He didn't necessarily mean LITERALLY Christmas Day, just the time period around it (which is one of the 2 peaks)

[Ms Darcy]

]

 

Nice. I remember reading people break up as the weather gets warmer because they feel like (in part) they can go out more/seek a new partner.

[lostandhurt]

The peak before Christmas is because there are a bunch of cheap people out there that don't want to buy a nice gift for their the bf/gf

 

So according to this graph there are a lot of single women smarting from a xmas break up looking to meet ME around February 15th???

 

I better step up the work outs, just a few months away...

 

Lost