Feeling I was sexually abused as a child and can't remember?

[Gatsby12345]

This might sound ridiculous, and I don't know if it's real or not but I have a feeling I was sexually abused when I was a toddler and don't remember. I've started to wonder if something was wrong with me when I have had problems in my sexual relationships. I am 21 years old and have been in a relationship for a year. I can't climax, never have been able to with a partner no matter how much direction I give, almost as if I keep myself from feeling any sensation. I can climax through masturbation only. Intercourse is painful for me at times. I have ripped down there multiple times and I think it's because I can't relax or something isn't right.

I was somewhat sexually promiscuous in high school, might have just been a phase. When I finally had a real relationship and decided to have sex with him it took me forever to decide. I had this feeling of dread or that I would die once I had.

I have odd habits of picking at myself. I secretly pull hairs out on my head and eyebrow hairs as well as eyelashes. I pick scabs over and over. I did a few times when I was in middle school cut myself, but never anything major.

I have this weird story that I believe my mom told me about an aunt & uncle's house she used to take me to when I was little. In the story my mom came to pick me up and found out I was in the bathtub but that my uncle was in there with me bathing and she found it really weird. She stopped taking me over there after that. I don't know that this story is factual because I have been afraid to ask my mom about it again but I believe she told me about it a few years ago. I've always felt a weird around this uncle and avoided him at family gatherings.

 

I have a horrible memory, especially of childhood things. I can't really remember anything at all from any time before I was 8 or 9. Except for remembering that I've known how to get off sexually as long as I can remember. I can remember rubbing against the floor when I was maybe 3 years old and knowing it felt good but also knowing I should hide it from my parents.

I used to have night terrors as a child, I would wake up screaming at the top of my lungs but I don't remember the dreams.

When I was younger kids in school used to pick on me and say I was "mute" because I kept to myself. I would go through a whole school day without saying a word to a single person. I typically had 1 or 2 friends that I clung to and only talked to them because I trusted them.

I've always had this weird feeling that I am not going to live much longer. Like I've always thought I might die in a few years ever since I was little.

I don't want to think that I really might have been abused but I just have this hovering feeling that I might have been. If anyone knows anything that might indicate if my feelings are serious or not I would really appreciate it.

[Capricorn3]

I have this weird story that I believe my mom told - I don't know that this story is factual because I have been afraid to ask my mom about it again.

Why are you afraid to ask her? She's your mother. And if there was something suspect, surely she's the one to go to (if she does indeed have any information). Talk to her. Ask her.

[gebaird]

You may be right about what you experienced. Whatever the cause, I'd recommend working with a good therapist so you can begin to work through these issues.

 

 

[RainyCoast]

sigh. i think this has been posted so many times in the past month or two, under so many profiles that it's seriously getting ridiculous. if you want answers to this so badly, you should finally schedule that appointment with a professional. your threads will simply get closed down and your multiple accounts deleted. in addition to the fact you'll be told the same thing over and over again. so really, you could be getting much better results if you used this time and energy to address the issue in therapy.

[j.man]

Agreed with Rainy with regard to both the substance and the annoyance. It's flat out dangerous for any of us to suggest you even may have been abused and don't remember. It's not our place. Seek a professional.

[Wiseman2]

If this is more than "a story" that you repeatedly post under various user names, you need to see a psychiatrist about all this. Is this a writing project?

[qwaspolk82]

This might sound ridiculous, and I don't know if it's real or not but I have a feeling I was sexually abused when I was a toddler and don't remember. I've started to wonder if something was wrong with me when I have had problems in my sexual relationships. I am 21 years old and have been in a relationship for a year. I can't climax, never have been able to with a partner no matter how much direction I give, almost as if I keep myself from feeling any sensation. I can climax through masturbation only. Intercourse is painful for me at times. I have ripped down there multiple times and I think it's because I can't relax or something isn't right.

I was somewhat sexually promiscuous in high school, might have just been a phase. When I finally had a real relationship and decided to have sex with him it took me forever to decide. I had this feeling of dread or that I would die once I had.

I have odd habits of picking at myself. I secretly pull hairs out on my head and eyebrow hairs as well as eyelashes. I pick scabs over and over. I did a few times when I was in middle school cut myself, but never anything major.

I have this weird story that I believe my mom told me about an aunt & uncle's house she used to take me to when I was little. In the story my mom came to pick me up and found out I was in the bathtub but that my uncle was in there with me bathing and she found it really weird. She stopped taking me over there after that. I don't know that this story is factual because I have been afraid to ask my mom about it again but I believe she told me about it a few years ago. I've always felt a weird around this uncle and avoided him at family gatherings.

 

I have a horrible memory, especially of childhood things. I can't really remember anything at all from any time before I was 8 or 9. Except for remembering that I've known how to get off sexually as long as I can remember. I can remember rubbing against the floor when I was maybe 3 years old and knowing it felt good but also knowing I should hide it from my parents.

I used to have night terrors as a child, I would wake up screaming at the top of my lungs but I don't remember the dreams.

When I was younger kids in school used to pick on me and say I was "mute" because I kept to myself. I would go through a whole school day without saying a word to a single person. I typically had 1 or 2 friends that I clung to and only talked to them because I trusted them.

I've always had this weird feeling that I am not going to live much longer. Like I've always thought I might die in a few years ever since I was little.

I don't want to think that I really might have been abused but I just have this hovering feeling that I might have been. If anyone knows anything that might indicate if my feelings are serious or not I would really appreciate it.

 

I think you need to see a therapist as soon as possible.