Should I try or just give up on it?

[Catlady23]

My ex broke up with me 3 1/2 months ago. Our relationship for the most part was great. Every relationship has issues, so we had ours naturally. We were together for a year and a half. The break up came as a shock to me and my friends and family, as well his own mom. She told me she didn't know what was going on and he wouldn't talk to her. My ex didn't even give clear reasons as to why he wanted to break up. Anyway we were both so upset and he told me he wasn't sure if it was the right thing but he needed a month or longer to figure it out. A month after the split and a couple weeks of not talking he said the same thing. But then he started to ask me to hang out but then he would cancel last minute. This led to a lot of fighting that we never even had in our relationship. He said he needed more time away from me. I was so hurt at him blowing me off I said some pretty nasty things. And then we stopped talking.

 

Fast forward 6 weeks later... I thought I was moving on but one night I woke up in the middle of the night in a panic. I realized it had been so long since I had spoken to him. I had no idea what was going on in his life and it made me worry. I started feeling a lot of strong emotions and missing him as if it just happened. I think the reality of us breaking up really set in. The time apart was very "out of sight out of mind" for me. So I decided to text him to see how he was and to my surprise he responded right away. We talked for a couple of hours it was very pleasant and then he stopped replying. I was upset for a couple days then decided to message him again. We talked again but I decided to keep it short. I told him I would like to be friends and talk occasionally and he agreed. He mostly responds but sometimes his replies are kinda short. He never initiates contact either. I text him every couple of days. My friend said I need to be patient as we just started talking. And he doesn't even have to respond at all but he does. I'm just wondering if it's a lost cause. I don't know if I should keep trying to talk to him and hope that over time he'll open up more. Or should I just drop it and move on? He's showing me signs that he's not very interested. But it hasn't even been two weeks (almost). Any thoughts on what I should do? Forget it or keep trying ? Or any tips on how to reconnect?

 

Thanks!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It may be best if he misses you by going no contact. It will also help you feel better and not so frustrated with his behaviors.

 

No one wants to be rejected at all, no less repeatedly. It would be best not to hang out and transform this into fwb, if reconciling is actually what you want.

he wasn't sure if it was the right thing but he needed a month or longer to figure it out. A month after the split and a couple weeks of not talking he said the same thing. But then he started to ask me to hang out but then he would cancel last minute.

[MissCanuck]

Do you know if he is dating someone else?

 

Much as it hurts to consider, the sudden break-up coupled with his hot-and-cold behaviour often indicates there's a third party in the picture. It seems odd to me that he specified needing a month to figure things out, which is what makes me wonder if he was testing the water somewhere else.

 

I would stop contacting him. It's been one-sided up to this point and that isn't a good sign.

[Catlady23]

Yes that was my first thought. And I brought it up many times, but I don't think he was cheating or involved with anyone else. We actually had a huge fight about it and he felt bad. He swore there wasn't anyone else and he wasn't gonna date for at least two months. And I asked people that knew him like my sister and she said she doesn't see how he would have had time for anyone else. My family would've killed him if there were lol. We were together everyday except for when I worked late and we even had keys to each other's places.

[MissCanuck]

Not to totally discredit your belief, but even folks who live together and are married can find time to cheat. I'm speaking from experience, unfortunately. (as the betrayed party)

 

In any event, I would still suggest you stop contacting him. He doesn't seem interested, since he hasn't initiated. A wise old lady once told me that interested men act interested. I would therefore let this one go.

[No1]

All you are doing is delaying the pain and giving into your pleasure center by texting him. It makes you feel good to contact him, but that quickly goes away when he doesnt respond fast enough or he doesnt respond at all. Reality is that since you have been texting him, you are no closer to him then you were 3.5 months ago. You just found another way to delay the hurt.

 

Quick texting him and face the reality that it is over. Im sorry to say that but its true. But this doesnt mean you wont be happy again..or you wont find someone else.. In fact you will find someone else and someone better for you. You just have to cut the cord from your X first.

[Catlady23]

I agree for the most part with what everyone is saying. I feel like my body is just telling me to forget it. I have no energy. but then I also think part of the reason he's not very talkative is because of the mean things I said. That, and he doesn't want to "fall back into our old routine" of hanging out and being together like he's said before. Or maybe now there's someone else. I dunno. Would it be a rebound or has enough time passed?