Is it unreasonable to ask him to do this?

[Loralora]

Hi everyone thanks beforehand for your help!

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 months.

 

He works with this woman that I know and have heard horrible stories about. He is a doctor and has night shifts. He has told me that she has been caught fooling around with the boss(who is married) in the work place in his office in another department and they fired the boss not her since she doesn't work there. So basically she is known for being a homewrecker.

 

Now he tells me that she has told one of his coworkers in the workplace that she is interested in asking him (my boyfriend) out (she is single).

Since me and my boyfriend just started dating not many people know just his close friends and a couple of his colleagues about us. But he said that if she ever tries to ask him out he'll tell her about me.

 

I still don't trust him 100%. I'm afraid he will accept the invitation (just for a good time) and I will.never find out! We haven't build trust yet.

 

My question has to do with facebook. He has a photo that he posted a long time ago with her and a couple of other coworkers on fb and when I ask him to take it down he refuses. He says that there are other coworkers there and he doesn't need to.

 

It bothers me because since she seems interested in him I don't understand why he keeps it to feed her hopes?!

 

It also bothers me that he hasn't taken the photo with his ex down yet.

 

I'm asking him to take these photos down so he can show me a little bit more that he is serious about me and our relationship.

 

P.S. I asked him to take his personal number down from facebook, he took it down after me insisting a couple of times. But not the photos of that woman and his ex?

[happyfrank]

You shouldn't be with a person if you can't trust him. This will always bother you.

 

Besides he knows the risk already. He doesn't want to get fired like the other doctor.

[Wiseman2]

It's not about her it's about the integrity of the relationship and your bf's integrity. It could be her, it could be any woman, right?

 

Are you exclusive? He's only going to tell people about you If they ask him out? That's more of a red flag than worrying about "homewreckers" and fb pics of coworkers.

 

You can't tell him what to post on his social media because you are jealous. She's not an ex, remember?

Since me and my boyfriend just started dating not many people know just his close friends and a couple of his coleagues. But he said that if she ever tries to ask him out he'll tell her about me. My question has to do with facebook. He has a photo that he posted a long time ago with her and a couple of other coworkers on fb and when I ask him to take it down he refuses. He says that there are other coworkers there and he doesn't need to

[reinventmyself]

Stop. . .now.

 

I am not sure how an old group photo of coworkers is somehow encouraging her interests.

You are in the infancy stage of dating. Don't tell someone to curb their behavior this early but rather take notice

to things they do and make your decision as to whether or not to proceed based on what you see.

 

If he is a doctor I can assume he is mature enough to know the difference.

Your insisting he take photos down sounds a little immature. How are old are both of you?

 

Pictures or no pictures will not define a man's character. I am not sure why he told you she was interested to

begin with. Especially in light of your insecurities.

 

Basically, people are going to do whatever they want to do. Trying to control this is pointless.

Make wise choices and trust that you can handle what ever happens.

[Hollyj]

Agree with the other posters.

 

This doesn't sound like a good relationship, as there is a lack of trust and much insecurity.

 

You should NOT be telling him what/who he can have on his FB.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't agree with your premise.

 

I don't think him having a picture on facebook with her and others is feeding into her hopes.

 

You have only been dating for two months. A lot of relationships end at the 3-6 month mark because people realize that they are not compatible. Keep this in mind.

[Loralora]

We are exclusive but I want to keep it a secret for a while also because I want it to be more secure before making it public.

 

This secrecy in our parts is due to our culture...if my family found out they will turn it into this big deal..they will probably want me to get engaged..

 

I'm 27, he's 31.

 

Yes it could be any woman...but she's closer haha and easier...

 

Yes I agree it's about his integrity..

 

I just don't trust him yet...trust is supposed to be build

 

Him not taking down his exes photo makes me think he's not over her...

[reinventmyself]

We are exclusive but I want to keep it a secret for a while also because I want it to be more secure before making it public.

 

This secrecy in our parts is due to our culture...if my family found out they will turn it into this big deal..they will probably want me to get engaged..

 

I'm 27, he's 31.

 

Yes it could be any woman...but she's closer haha and easier...

 

Yes I agree it's about his integrity..

 

I just don't trust him yet...trust is supposed to be build

 

Him not taking down his exes photo makes me think he's not over her...

 

Then you take control over the only thing you have control over and that is - you.

Take a step back and proceed slowly.

[Wiseman2]

Is casual dating frowned upon in your culture?

This secrecy in our parts is due to our culture...if my family found out they will turn it into this big deal..they will probably want me to get engaged..

[j.man]

Trust is something you give, not something someone else earns or builds. If you set a precedent whereby someone needs to commit actions to prove their trustworthiness to you, you inevitably set yourself up to rely on constant affirmation simply to maintain trust-- which kinda goes against the whole concept of trust anyhow.

 

Having pictures of his ex on facebook means nothing on its own. I have pictures of exes. My girlfriend of three years has pictures of hers. It's not that either of us go back through them and stare at them longingly, but that it's facebook and it doesn't matter enough to go through and delete ****.

 

Listen to the ladies on here.

[Ms Darcy]

I just don't trust him yet...trust is supposed to be build

 

Him not taking down his exes photo makes me think he's not over her...

 

Then stop trying to change him. Just stop dating him.

 

It seems like there are a lot of women who are trying to change their new bfs on ENA this week. Hmmm.

[Loralora]

Is casual dating frowned upon in your culture?

 

No not really...it's just they think that when you date someone and make it public you will get engaged..

 

My family is especially strickt, not all families are like that, they are especially strick for girls...

 

I'm pretty sure my family knows I go out with someone but as long as I don't directly say it or admitt it they don't pay attention or act as though they don't...

 

My mom always implies it...she's like so you're going out with friends so frequently, can I come with?

 

But if they did found out there will probably be questions like...

-so what is his family like

-where are they from

-when will you get engaged...

[Wiseman2]

Why not be honest with them that you have started seeing this guy? But it's only been 2 mos and a few dates. Surely your family expects you to date before you get engaged, no? What does your bf think of your hiding him?

But if they did found out there will probably be questions like...

-so what is his family like

-where are they from

-when will you get engaged...

[Loralora]

Why not be honest with them that you have started seeing this guy? But it's only been 2 mos and a few dates. Surely your family expects you to date before you get engaged, no? What does your bf think of your hiding him?

 

Because if it doesn't work out, I don't want my family getting involved. My bf works with a friend of my family and he hasn't told him we are dating..

 

My parents have tried to set me up with boys that they know the family of haha, that's funny to me I told them never!

 

He doesn't care that I hide it for now...

He told me I should at least tell my cousin but I told him not yet...

 

I don't want my cousin asking me so why hasn't he taken down the photo with his ex yet? Does he expect her to come back?

[Hollyj]

Is the photo with ex his profile pic?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you are playing games because you live with your parents. You can't have a mature relationship if you refuse to be honest.

 

He's right to be mad and talking about hot women at work. You're hiding him like a dirty secret because of your own family neurosis. She's not "his ex" she's a coworker. Sorry this is doomed with your silliness.

He told me I should at least tell my cousin but I told him not yet...I don't want my cousin asking me so why hasn't he taken down the photo with his ex yet? Does he expect her to come back?

[Loralora]

Is the photo with ex his profile pic?

 

No...it's one of his moblie uploads a long time ago..they are two couples him and his ex and one of his friends with his girlfriend

[Loralora]

Unfortunately you are playing games because you live with your parents. You can't have a mature relationship if you refuse to be honest.

 

He's right to be mad and talking about hot women at work. You're hiding him like a dirty secret because of your own family neurosis. She's not "his ex" she's a coworker. Sorry this is doomed with your silliness.

 

I'm talking about two women.

 

One his coworker

 

Two his ex

 

He has pictures with both

 

I'm pretty sure he understands the cicumstances as to why I am keeping him secret...he's also doing it..if things go well I will tell it's much easier when it's public

[Loralora]

I will take into consideration all of the advice for the photos and trust...

 

Thank you everyone

[Hollyj]

No...it's one of his moblie uploads a long time ago..they are two couples him and his ex and one of his friends with his girlfriend

 

 

I wouldn't be concerned about that, at all.

 

Remember, he had a life before you.

[HeartGoesOn]

We are exclusive but I want to keep it a secret for a while also because I want it to be more secure before making it public.

 

I'm not sure what the point is in being exclusive with someone you don't trust, nor feel secure with?

[pippy longstocking]

I have to be honest , after only two months I would see your actions as a bit of a red flag ....

 

You have to remember that the man she was seeing was also a homewrecker , his own home ..she isn't some predator who is destroying every attached mans life ..the man in this is just as guilty ... I am not defending her actions by the way ..just trying to put it into a little perspective ..remember , he can get chatted up or asked out any time , at work , in the shops , on the bus ..etc ...

[Hollyj]

I have to be honest , after only two months I would see your actions as a bit of a red flag ....

 

You have to remember that the man she was seeing was also a homewrecker , his own home ..she isn't some predator who is destroying every attached mans life ..the man in this is just as guilty ... I am not defending her actions by the way ..just trying to put it into a little perspective ..remember , he can get chatted up or asked out any time , at work , in the shops , on the bus ..etc ...

 

Pippy is right! As usual!

[pippy longstocking]

Pippy is right! As usual!

 

you are far too generous holls xx

[Loralora]

I forgot to mention this.

 

They had this staff dinner planed to go to some special place and have dinner (10) people were involved.

 

He didn't tell me about it just went. I happened to call him while he was there, that's when he told me. He said he found out at the last minute that his coworkers have planned this. I don't think it was at the last minute.

 

Anyway he said that woman was there and asked him to go sit by her.

 

I was like what did she say when you went. He said she said nothing just the usuall stuff.

 

I didn't tell him why did you go and sit by her when she called you but it did bother me. I'm not sure why he even told me this. They work together for a long time,5 years.

 

And he told me she has asked him out even before but he didn't go. She's 2 years older than him. I think she wants him like a boyfriend not to fool around. I sometimes think he will fool around with her if she gave him the chance but he won't have anything serious with her since he knows her past. And by the way not too many people know she did that with the boss. She doesn't even know that my boyfriend knows this about her because he found out from other people.

 

Since I don't trust him fully, I'm afraid he will accept her invitation to go out and I will never find out! If I did find out it will be over.