Been asked to the Valentine's Day evening he planned for his ex!

[poorlittlefish]

I've been seeing a guy 2-3 times a week for the past month (exclusive on both sides) and he mentioned how he has tickets to see a show in February that he bought a few months ago ago and basically asked if I would like to go with him. I have some commitments in February, so I asked which date and he said 14 February, ie Valentine's Day. I immediately cottoned on from the timing that he must have bought the tickets to treat his ex on Valentine's Day and when I joked about being the stand-in he didn't deny it. To me February is still ages away and anything could happen between now and then so it might not even be an issue. However, if we are still dating in February it'll be our first Valentine's Day together and I can't help but feel that it's a little insensitive to ask me to slot into an evening he had planned for his previous girlfriend. Should I say something or keep my feelings to myself for now?

[Wiseman2]

Wow 2 demerits for this maneuver. 1) Very tacky and 2) Clearly not over the ex. Tell him 'we'll cross that bridge when we get to it' because you may want to keep your eyes open for more red flags.

he mentioned how he has tickets to see a show in February that he bought a few months ago ago and basically asked if I would like to go with him. must have bought the tickets to treat his ex on Valentine's Day and when I joked about being the stand-in he didn't deny it.

[reinventmyself]

Well. . .He may very well be over his ex and not want to have anything to do with her.

 

But him inviting you to this is a little premature and if he was a little smarter he could have asked you sometime next year and you wouldn't have known any different.

 

Tell him to ask you again in a couple months and see if you feel any different about it.

[SoulTaker]

I've been seeing a guy 2-3 times a week for the past month (exclusive on both sides) and he mentioned how he has tickets to see a show in February that he bought a few months ago ago and basically asked if I would like to go with him. I have some commitments in February, so I asked which date and he said 14 February, ie Valentine's Day. I immediately cottoned on from the timing that he must have bought the tickets to treat his ex on Valentine's Day and when I joked about being the stand-in he didn't deny it. To me February is still ages away and anything could happen between now and then so it might not even be an issue. However, if we are still dating in February it'll be our first Valentine's Day together and I can't help but feel that it's a little insensitive to ask me to slot into an evening he had planned for his previous girlfriend. Should I say something or keep my feelings to myself for now?

 

So, he only dated you for a month, but feels that he has you locked up for good to the point that he can plan out for February? And then he lacks the common sense to wait to near the date, in order to spring it on you.

 

Because it does bother you, you should tell him that you won't be using tickets meant for another woman, and that the two of you are still dating, and you are not thinking that far in advance.

[force]

You are way overreacting to this. It sounds like he really likes you if he's making future plans. Don't concern yourself with him really buying the tickets months ago for his ex. Who cares. He is with YOU and is asking YOU. If I would've bought concert tickets 6 mos. in advance because I wanted good seats and the person I was supposed to go with flaked out I would HAVE to go with someone else. Do you think this new person is really going to care, especially if it's an awesome concert. You need to ask yourself now if you really like him? Look, just keep dating him if you do like him and accept the concert and if you break up before the concert he'll just have to take someone else. Just because you say yes now doesn't mean you're obligated then.

[mustlovedogs]

Yeah, I agree ^^ I personally wouldn't be bothered by something like that. I would think it's cute he's asking me out on a romantic date so far in advance, to be honest.

 

But I don't think you have to commit just yet either

[Sportster2005]

I've been seeing a guy 2-3 times a week for the past month (exclusive on both sides) and he mentioned how he has tickets to see a show in February that he bought a few months ago ago and basically asked if I would like to go with him. I have some commitments in February, so I asked which date and he said 14 February, ie Valentine's Day. I immediately cottoned on from the timing that he must have bought the tickets to treat his ex on Valentine's Day and when I joked about being the stand-in he didn't deny it. To me February is still ages away and anything could happen between now and then so it might not even be an issue. However, if we are still dating in February it'll be our first Valentine's Day together and I can't help but feel that it's a little insensitive to ask me to slot into an evening he had planned for his previous girlfriend. Should I say something or keep my feelings to myself for now?

 

I don't think it's insensitive at all. She's water under the bridge.

 

I don't like asking someone out that far in advance when I'm single. Quite frankly something better could come along. But like others have mentioned, tell him you'll play it by ear.

[j.man]

I have to agree that I don't find it insensitive. At worst, it's mildly tacky. I'm a little confused as to why he'd even tell you. "I have tickets" would have been just fine without any further qualification.

 

The [potential] red flag for me would him asking you so far in advance. He might be very interested in you and a tad insecure, so getting you to agree on something in the future provides him some reassurance.