Close friend of 8 years has seemingly ended our friendship

[WorkSux56]

I am quite saddened as I write this. I have lost a very dear friend. Or, I am in the process of losing her. I'm not 100% sure yet, but it is NOT looking too good. Her and I met in late 2008 and by early 2009, we had become close. Sometimes, it was like we were dating, but we never called it that, and it was certainly never serious. We kissed a lot at times. Perhaps a little too much. I would get emotional sometimes and she would comfort me. At some point in 2010, we sort of drifted apart for a bit. It was not anyone's fault. It was simply life taking us in different directions. In 2011, I reached out to her and she did not respond. It would be 2012 before I would make contact with her again. But, that was just dumb luck. I ran into her. It was difficult to get a read on her. While she did not look like she was mad at me or anything, she was not exactly turning back flips either. She did not say much at all. Very measured, one or two word answers. I was sad, to say the least. In what was not my finest hour, I let my sadness overcome me, and that set off a big argument between us. Some things were said that should not have been. Mostly by me. She told me that I was such a downer and I told her that she was hot tempered and judgmental. I told her that I never said anything before, but she was tough on me, even back in our better times. While she was not, by nature, a judgmental person, but she did seem to judge me at times, and it hurt. She slapped me for saying that, and walked away. The cycle repeated itself. Two more years go by, I reached out to her, she did not respond, and I got very low and depressed. So, in 2014, as much as I did not want to do it, I went crying to another friend of hers whom I had never even met. I figured I had nothing to lose. The WORST thing that could possibly happen was that she would continue not to talk to me. So, her friend brokered a sit down between us. We sat and talked for awhile and eventually patched things up. We agreed to start all over. The truth of the matter was, the hard feelings were NEVER on my end. Sure, we got into a fight. But, I wasn't angry at her. The same could not be said of her. She was FURIOUS at me and HATED me for two years! I don't get that. I mean, I could not carry hurt around that long. Unless the person has gone and done something just horrific to me (like they stole everything I had, or murdered a relative of mine or something along those lines) I forgive and forget. Life is too short to carry around hurt feelings for years over something like being called hot tempered and judgmental. Don't get me wrong, I should not have said that to her. But, I also did not think that that warranted her seething anger for two years.

 

So, we hug and make up. I got emotional, and she comforted me. But, unlike a few years earlier, she sounded sarcastic about it. She said "oh, now, come to mama, little man". It was funny hearing her say "come to mamma", because I am a good bit older than her, LOL. Anyway, so we slowly, but surely get a friendship going again. It was not what it had been years ago, but it was better than nothing. As the saying goes, the sequel is never as good as the original. And our sequel left a lot to be desired. But, I wasn't complaining. Her overall demeanor seemed different this time. Sometimes, she was fine with me, sometimes she acted cold. I dismissed it as being something that had nothing to do with me. I did not saddle her with my problems like I had years before. I know that she had gotten tired of me being such a downer. She still judged me though. She would talk down to me, as if she were scolding me like I was a child. But, as I said before, she did that, even back in the best of times. I just let it slide. I t was not worth another argument. Then, around August-September of this year, the friendship almost felt like it used to years ago. Things were picking back up. Or that's what I believed, anyway. Then came November. That is when she got cold towards me. She quit responding altogether to anything I sent her. I had to quit sending messages, because eventually, it does cross over into harassment. I sure as heck don't want that. She has shut me completely out. In the last message I sent to her, I begged her to just tell me something. Anything. I asked if there were unresolved problems between us. I asked if that fight we got into back in 2012 was still an issue. She never responded. To be honest, I don't think we ever really got past that fight. I mean, I certainly did. But, I don' think she did. Her lips said "oh, sweetie, it's all good, arguments happen". But, her mind says something else. And it could be that (as far as she is concerned) our friendship just never fully recovered from that fight. If that is the case. If she is still hurt by that fight we had back in 2012, and in her eyes, it is enough to end the friendship once and for all, then I will accept that, and move on. I just wish she would tell me something. This silence is a killer. Personally, I could NEVER end a friendship over something so petty. I have witnessed my share of death. Life is WAYYYY too short for grudge holding. Now, I will admit it. Sometimes, friendships deteriorate into something unhealthy, and must be ended.

 

But, I am talking about things that happen over time. If two people just fight and fight and fight, then yeah, it's time to end things, because it's painfully obvious that the two don't care about one another. But, to end a friendship over a four year old argument? Especially an argument that was said to have been resolved? I don't understand that. At the end of the day, this just is what it is. Regardless of what happens, I will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart for my probably soon to be former friend. I won't focus on the ending, but rather on the good times that we had, and how we USED to care for one another. People have told me "dude, it's obvious that you never meant a thing to her, even back years ago". Well, if that is the case, was our friendship just a lie? That doesn't make any sense. Anyway, thanks for reading this. I know it sounds kind of crazy. But it does help me to talk about it.

[Wiseman2]

You've grown apart. Have either of you dated others in this time?

[WorkSux56]

You've grown apart. Have either of you dated others in this time?

 

I have not dated anyone since her. She has dated, off and on, but nothing serious. People have told me that the friendship we had was not healthy. I can see what they meant, because they saw it the second time around. I guess I think back on the happier times, back around 2008-2010. Those who have told me that are correct, it was not healthy when we tried again from 2014 until just here recently. I have been all over the place and back with it. Part of me has deeply regretted becoming friends with her a second time. She was very controlling, and at times, downright hurtful. If I tried talking to her about it, I could see the bitterness start to well up, so I would just say "well, never mind". And she really wonders why I think that she is hot tempered. Perhaps I should have just left it alone when she actually told me that she hated me for a long time. But, I noticed something else. When we were fighting, she said "I no longer care about you". Okay, I can accept that. But, to hate someone is to care about them! A lot of people equate "I don't care about you" with "I hate you". That is actually incorrect. If you hate someone, then you feel an emotion for them! I told her this, and she shook her head no very fast. Interesting. Anyway, I think that she is done with me this time. The only thing is, I don't know what I did. Because, as she has pointed out, it was always ME that screwed up. Never her. Well, it was me who was asked to shoulder all the blame. Which I did. She punished me years ago, and she is punishing me again. And I will take it, but it will be the final time.

[Wiseman2]

This is Way Way too much drama for a friendship. Do some house cleaning. This is toxic and a vexation you don't need in your life.