What did I do wrong

[Misspisces13]

Hello, I am a girl in love with another girl. We dated for 4 months. We met online, talked on the phone , texted and had amazing chemistry. Finally after the 4th month, we met. I drove an hour and a half to see her. Stayed the night. We had dinner and got a movie. We had an incredible night. Stayed up until 4 in the morning.

The next day, she made us breakfast, we layed on the couch together and she even called into work to spend more time with me. We drove back to my home town and we were going to meet up with some friends, but she "forgot " her i.d, so we went out for dinner and went to a movie, then back to my house. We had a second incredible night and just as amazing morning. She even said "how will she sleep without me now". So, we went to breakfast and I drove her back home. She was a little quite on the ride home, but so was I. I was sad I had to drop her off. I walked her in , held her and we kissed for a long time. Then I left and we talked my whole way home.

After this we still talked and texted, but her texts began to come through less and less. It seemed I was the one texting her first all the time. I was moving to a new area closer to where she lived for work and asked if her and her kids would come stay in the hotel with me on night. She declined said she was too busy with them. I didn't hear from her for a few days after that. I was broken. When I did hear from her it was brief and she was saying she had a lot on her mind and she was disappointed in herself for how she was treating everyone. He ex girlfrind kept trying to see her kids and wouldn't leave her alone. She had a lot on her mind. So, I told her I would do whatever she needed and give her space if she wanted. I texted her after a few days with no response. The again in a few more days. Still no response, after a little over a week I get a message on Facebook, not even a text. Asking for her forgiveness, she said she was so sorry how things went with us and how incredibly sweet and kind I was to her. She said ultimately she was still meeting people, but not with her ex. She said she wasn't ready for a commitment with everything going on: kids, school and work. But she thought of me often and hoped nothing , but good things happened to me.

So, 2 months later while in Chicago, I see her post she was also there at the parade and tagged some other girl on Facebook . She ended up unfriending me that day. About a week later I noticed her status on Facebook said " in a relationship " my heart broke to pieces. This happened in June of 2016. It is now December, she is still with this girl. And they went on a family vacation that we talked about going on. I still cannot get her out of my mind. I have never gone this long and still cannot get over someone.

Please give me some advice . I think I'm in love and I can't move on.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like she was looking for a fwb or Netflix and chill situation, not a relationship.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

I'm sorry to hear this. It happens all too often. Unfortunately that's how people distance themselves and justify it. Those kinds of phrases along with short or no texts.

 

I must ask, you only met her once in the 4 months you "dated"?

Did this not throw any alarms?

Not to be rude at all. It's just that I would find that odd. I do hope things get better for you. It's hard finding out that way with no heads up

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry to hear this. It happens all too often. Unfortunately that's how people distance themselves and justify it. Those kinds of phrases along with short or no texts.

 

I must ask, you only met her once in the 4 months you "dated"?

Did this not throw any alarms?

Not to be rude at all. It's just that I would find that odd. I do hope things get better for you. It's hard finding out that way with no heads up

 

I was about to post the same thing.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, OP. But how do you know they are still together? Are you checking her Facebook or other social media? If so, you must block her. You are not doing yourself any favours by keeping up-to-date on her and her life.

 

It's important to watch people's actions rather than just listen to their words. It sounds like she talked the talk for a little while, but then ghosted. That is significant. It seems that perhaps you got too far ahead of yourself based on very little offline contact. We all like hearing the right things, but if actions aren't backing it up, we have to take it with a grain of salt.

[DancingFool]

Sorry you feel heartbroken. Unfortunately this is one of those where too much time was put into building up a meet up for too long. You live only an hour and a half away. Should have met up quickly after exchanging just a few e-mails for a quick date and that's all. What happened was simply that face to face, she just didn't feel the chemistry she should have felt. Unfortunately, it happens often. You were a nice to have but not a must have. She was also a jerk about stringing you along about it with assorted sorry so busy platitudes. Unfortunately for you, you are still feeling connected due to all those months of talking and sharing.

 

Going forward, cut the bs and meet up quickly. Don't allow a person to string you along with busy so busy excuses. If they are too busy to meet, they are too busy to date or they are simply not that into you already and are prioritizing better options. It's always on you to cut things off. You need to act in your own best interests as others will do the same in terms of acting in their own best interests. If that means stringing you along as a back up plan, they will do just that if you allow it. It's on you to say, "thanks but no thanks and good luck to you." Avoid sharing too much online, over the phone and developing a false sense of connection and intimacy. Meet, see if the attraction is mutual, then proceed with dating and developing that connection.

 

To answer your main question, you didn't do anything wrong in terms of driving her away. The chemistry in person was simply one sided, as in more on your side than hers. It happens, it sucks when you are the more invested one, but nothing doing about it. You can't force chemistry. It's either there or it isn't. In her case, not enough was there, but that doesn't make you defective. You need to keep your head high and keep on looking for a lady who will adore you. She is out there. Take this one off her pedestal because surely, the partner of your dreams actually thinks you are amazing, right?

[Misspisces13]

Well, It was kind of hard to meet up. I work first shift and she's a 2nd shift and weekend bartender with 3 kids. She had to switch shifts to be able to meet up with me. We were both fairly new to online dating. She had been in a 5 yrs relationship and when we met, the executive still lived in the basement. The ex moved out a month later.

[Misspisces13]

Thank you so much for the advise. One more question. If she wasn't into me, why call into work the next day to spend another day with me. Why not call it a day and end it the first night. I know in my heart I need to forget her and I've met a few others since then, but I can't get this one out of my head.

[DancingFool]

Thank you so much for the advise. One more question. If she wasn't into me, why call into work the next day to spend another day with me. Why not call it a day and end it the first night. I know in my heart I need to forget her and I've met a few others since then, but I can't get this one out of my head.

 

Feeling lonely, wanted to get laid, let her hair down and have some fun. Maybe felt like you were safe to hook up with and felt comfortable doing so. Regardless of reasons, what happened after tells you the truth. When all was said and done, she just didn't feel enough there to carry on.

 

Consider also that if it was that hard to meet up due to schedules, it was a nonstarter from the get go. If it takes 4 months to set up a date.....it ain't working and not going to even if the reasons are legitimate they are still too much of an obstacle for maintaining a relationship in the long run.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

If I was talking to someone in the past and I didn't meet them in the first week or two, I simply stopped contact. It was that or not offer myself up to a serious conversation. It's red flags and despite them being "too busy" with work simply told me that this person obviously has no time to be dating. Holding on and wishful thinking only results into one person being hurt.

 

Stop trying to figure out why. It doesn't matter and does nothing to help you move on