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Divorce after 10 year marriage

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So my ex and I had an unhealthy relationship full of fighting and rage. We did a separation for 7 months then got back together and divorced 6 months later. We started counseling in our 5th year of marriage. We kept that up for the next 5 years and we just couldn't sustain peace in our home. We have no kids. 2 dogs.

When he left the first time. I was destroyed. I couldn't sleep so I drank. I only ate once a day. I tried getting out and seeing people and what really helped was hanging with a gf almost every day. She helped me through. I cried on her couch. We got pedicures. We went to concerts. We had a blast.

When he moved the second time it was a relief as I felt we tried everything and we were just incompatible. I started working out on a consistent basis. I went on a couple of vacations alone. I reconnected with other girl friends and my family. Now the divorce is final and I just feel...a bit lost. I have all these amazing things going on in my life, and I don't miss him or want him back. I think I just realized that theres a history to my life that is over. I have all these memories that are attached to him. Some of them are actually happy and funny.

So, I'm glad were done. It had become so toxic I couldn't breathe. I spent so much time getting over it...I've realized I'm not over it...and I'd like to get on with it already! It seems that this is the one thing that I may have to take my time with as I simply have to choice but to go through it.

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