Marry Him or Not

[myzblueroze]

What will you do?

 

What will you do if you are in a difficult situation? And you really can't decide? One day, you just found yourself really happy to be with one person, thinking that he was the one for you. But you are just friends, and you loving him not just friends. Months had passed , he become so cold to you' with no reason. Then, he tell you that he tried to love you but he sees you only as a friend. That day, you are really hurt. So much that he's still always in your mind even you're so busy with other works. You are trying to forget, but he still messaging once in a while wanting to know 'how are you doing?'. Then, no more hurt feelings, both of you started to talk again and share things as friends. But you, you're still hoping more than that. Then, one day he asked you something' Something that isn't a joke and he was so serious about it? He said, "You know my plans right?" I said, "Yes!" "Are you okay with it?" , he said. "What?" - I'm just shocked ! "I want to do my plans, I'm turning 24 and i want to marry! would you marry me?"

 

The rest of our conversation was discussion about it, but i really never say yes to him. I just say "I will think of it but its really hard thing".

 

This time we are just friends, we are not even lovers. Then, out of the blue he will ask me that? I love him, but i'm hiding this feeling... Its not the marriage i was thinking. I'm dreaming that someday i will find the right person for me, we will be couples first and travel the world. And if we really click to each other and love each other, he will propose to me and if i say yes - we will plan for our wedding, save money for it, do it step by step. Not like this, i don't want to rush things like this. He's really out of his mind, even i love him, i think he don't feel the same.

 

I really don't know why he need to marry at the age of 24? Is there a curse that needed to end? is he dying? why? why? He only telling me its his plan' , and he don't want that his plan will be ruin? If i'm not the one who will marry him, he will find another girl ! What should i do? Can you help me? I'm insane, I can't help myself thinking of it !

 

I can't say yes ! Im only turning 23, i don't think my parents will agree to this. Even i'm working, i don't have savings... I don't have any to share for us. And i'm still supporting my siblings and parents. I'm not yet ready for it. I'm crying for this. He need my answer. So' even a short advice or opinion from those who's reading this, I really appreciate and thank you so much.

[ParisPaulette]

You couldn't pay me to marry the guy. You think he's bad now? Just wait until he has a ring on it and no reason whatsoever to make any effort. He's pushing to marry you, so he can control you and have you where he wants you. Don't do it. You do have the ability to break things off and tell him you aren't about to marry him yet.

 

Pro tip: marriage isn't the be-all, end-all of existence it used to be. It should be a relationship you agree to, because you both are equals who want to share your lives together. Not just because someone asked you and you feel pressured.

 

Tell him no and if you don't even want a relationship with this guy tell him it's done, end all contact, move on and get yourself into a healthier mindset before you even contemplate something like that. I've done one bad marriage and one good one, the bad one was because he asked and I was young and dumb and thought it was what I was supposed to do. And it just never was right, so I waited. And guess what? The world did not end, because I didn't rush out and marry the first guy that asked me or the second or anyone after that until I found a guy I really just enjoyed being with who had proven himself to be a good partner.

 

That's my advice to you. Stay the course on your own dreams, first. Always be suspicious of their motives when they want to rush marriage, especially if they haven't proven yet to be a good life partner and that's someone you need to know over time. You already know this guy isn't, or at least from your description it doesn't look that way, so why do you feel like you have to say yes?

 

P.S. He can also be pushing marriage, because he wants a housekeeper and someone to do things for him. This does not sound like a love match, it sounds like he's just decided he needs a wife and you'll do. He can hire a housekeeper and cook, you want the guy who marries you, because he loves you and the two of you are good for each other. And right now that doesn't sound like what this is and no marriage doesn't make that happen. If there are issues before marriage, marriage makes them worse. Keep that in mind.

 

You'll do what you want to do regardless of my advice, but I've said no to someone who blew hot and cold on me and I am forever grateful that I did.

[Wiseman2]

Unless there is a ring and you are engaged there is no marriage planned. You are friends, not lovers? Don't you think that's odd?

 

Have you met in person? Perhaps he was joking?

 

Do think he's just saying this to bring sex into the relationship? He doesn't sound sincere if there is no ring and no real plan.

He said, "You know my plans right?" "I want to do my plans, I'm turning 24 and i want to marry! would you marry me?"This time we are just friends, we are not even lovers.

[myzblueroze]

Thank you so much for your advice ParisPaulette ! While I am reading this, my tears can't help to fall. You are right' , he haven't proven anything and i feel he's taking me for granted. Your reply brighten my mind, it really helps and i appreciate it ! Thank you so much !

[myzblueroze]

He's courting me before, but then' he was changed and become so cold. That's when i think we are just friends.

[Wiseman2]

No Ring = No engagement/marriage. Relax and take it slowing if you want to date, be friends, whatever. Did you break up?

He's courting me before, but then' he was changed and become so cold.

[melancholy123]

OMG dont say yes to this crazy idea! You need to date, develop a relationship, take your time, then you get engaged if you both believe it's right, and then you get married. You dont marry someone because you are bored on a Saturday afternoon. Get rid of this loser and find a sensible guy.