Obsessed with another man

[Wilson11]

I have been married 5 years and with my husband 10. We have a baby together and are very happy in life in general.

 

All this changed last week when I went to his work Xmas party. I saw his boss there and instantly felt attracted to him. Since then I haven't been able to stop fantasising about him and it's becoming obsessive.

 

He's not even that great looking (my husband is a lot better looking than him) and I didn't even chat to the guy. I'm so confused as to why I'm even crushing on him? I go and look at his Facebook profile and he kind of looks like a douche bag and then I get turned off by him. Then 10 mins later I'm back thinking of him again!

 

Has anyone been through something like this? How do I make these fantasies stop? Why am I even thinking about him?! Help!!

[90_hour_sleep]

i'm no expert...but i don't think it's all that strange to have fantasies about other people. i think it's actually more unreasonable to think that it'll never happen...or that it shouldn't happen. give yourself a break! maybe you don't have to make these thoughts go away...but rather just let them run their course. give it some time.

[Rising100]

Alot of times this is just an obsession and it goes away, nothing even real

[notalady]

Attraction doesn't have to make sense, it happens, whether you are in a relationship / married or not. It goes away given a bit of time.

 

What is important is how you react to this attraction, whether you choose to ignore it and let it fade naturally or act on it (ie cheating). I would stop looking at his Facebook if I were you, and make a conscious effort to think about other things, focus on your connection with your husband and how good that is. The attraction will go away trust me.

[Krankor]

Ok, so I'm going to admit something weird and embarrassing: for some reason lately I've had a crush on and have been fantasizing about Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump's campaign chair. I have no clue why. She's not evev that pretty and I didn't vote for Trump. But I see her on news shows all the time and there's just something about her that I responded to. Obviously a little different in your case as he's someone you've seen in person and met but, still...

 

There's just something about this guy that you responded to. Who knows what. My guess is a he gave off a certain alpha vibe that pressed a button for you--your husband does take orders from him, after all. Stop Facebook stalking him and let this pass. This isn't a big deal unless you decide to make it one.

[notalady]

Ok, so I'm going to admit something weird and embarrassing: for some reason lately I've had a crush on and have been fantasizing about Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump's campaign chair. I have no clue why. She's not evev that pretty and I didn't vote for Trump. But I see her on news shows all the time and there's just something about her that I responded to. Obviously a little different in your case as he's someone you've seen in person and met but, still...

 

There's just something about this guy that you responded to. Who knows what. My guess is a he gave off a certain alpha vibe that pressed a button for you--your husband does take orders from him, after all. Stop Facebook stalking him and let this pass. This isn't a big deal unless you decide to make it one.

 

Speaking of weird crushes! I was recently in a training course for work, and the lady who taught the course was clearly lesbian (very short hair, shirt and pants). I'm 100% heterosexual and have never felt attracted to women before, but over the course of a few days, I started feeling oddly attracted to her. She has a charming personality, a great laugh and cute dimples, and there I was freaking out internally like, holy s**t, am I bisexual and didn't know it?!

 

Of course as the course ended, that attraction also went away and I thought nothing more of it.

 

I've felt attracted to others while being in relationships before, I don't read much into it or talk about it with anyone. I just let it pass. Just because you are attracted to someone, doesn't mean you need to or should act on it.

 

For me, being with someone is a choice, and you continue to make that choice every day, distractions such as these random attractions should not matter.

[Wilson11]

Thanks everyone it's great to know I'm "normal".

 

I just feel like the obsession is getting stronger everyday.. to the point where I just NEED to see this guy. Only if it's a fleeting glance, it's driving me nuts. I'm so scared I'm going to do something dumb like make a fake Facebook profile and contact him. I'm actually losing my mind over it!

[notalady]

Thanks everyone it's great to know I'm "normal".

 

I just feel like the obsession is getting stronger everyday.. to the point where I just NEED to see this guy. Only if it's a fleeting glance, it's driving me nuts. I'm so scared I'm going to do something dumb like make a fake Facebook profile and contact him. I'm actually losing my mind over it!

 

You have control over your actions. Don't be afraid of being dictated by your irrational thoughts / feelings, be confident in yourself that you are capable of making conscious and rational decisions.

 

Don't force yourself to stop thinking about this guy and don't think about how obsessed you are with him, because that's like the whole "don't think about a pink elephant" thing, the more you try to make yourself not think about something, the more you'll think about it.

[greta96]

I'm so scared I'm going to do something dumb like make a fake Facebook profile and contact him. I'm actually losing my mind over it!

 

Ok now that would be plain creepy, and I hope before you do something that crazy you first pause, take a few steps back and think about the disastrous consequences this would have on your husband, and how bad you will look to the world. Do you really want your family to become the laughing stock of that company?

Yes crushes are natural and harmless, until you act on them. Ignore the crush and it will go away on its own. Stop checking his FB profile, and banish the thoughts of him the second they enter your mind. Your fantasy is not worth ruining your life and marriage over it.

[BeenThereB4]

Rub one out to his memory and be done with it. You don't even know the guy, so whatever you are finding attractive about him may just be all in your head. He's a fantasy guy. Get over it. And stop the cyberstalking. It's disrespectful to your husband.

[Rising100]

Speaking of weird crushes! I was recently in a training course for work, and the lady who taught the course was clearly lesbian (very short hair, shirt and pants). I'm 100% heterosexual and have never felt attracted to women before, but over the course of a few days, I started feeling oddly attracted to her. She has a charming personality, a great laugh and cute dimples, and there I was freaking out internally like, holy s**t, am I bisexual and didn't know it?!

 

Of course as the course ended, that attraction also went away and I thought nothing more of it.

 

I've felt attracted to others while being in relationships before, I don't read much into it or talk about it with anyone. I just let it pass. Just because you are attracted to someone, doesn't mean you need to or should act on it.

 

For me, being with someone is a choice, and you continue to make that choice every day, distractions such as these random attractions should not matter.

 

I became attracted to a coworker before, I always worked with her but I know better and didnt act it. Eventually it went away and Im glad I never got involved. Yea it happens.

[rez2tef8eil0j]

You don't even know the guy, so whatever you are finding attractive about him may just be all in your head. He's a fantasy guy. Get over it. And stop the cyberstalking. It's disrespectful to your husband.

 

Please, please. THIS. Before it gets worse. I was also obsessed with a crush on another man outside my marriage. I had to stop looking at his social media and have never since. It took a long time to get the other man out of my mind (and fantasies)

[KantSleep]

Don't act on it. I imagine the thrill of "someone new" is driving this. After all, you have 10 years under your belt with hubby. Don't make an ass of yourself - potentially ruining your marriage and embarrassing your husband. See a therapist if it doesn't pass. Just my 2 cents.

[Capricorn3]

Looks like the OP has left the building.