Have to see my ex in a couple days...help!

[Kris22]

So, my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me about one month ago. He said it was because of his depression. He told me he didn't want it to hurt me anymore and he needed to be alone. It has been incredibly difficult for me to accept that he isn't coming back. 2 days after the break up I texted him and asked if we could meet up so that he could give me my ticket back for a New Years Eve concert we bought back in October. I didn't hear from him for a week (turns out I accidentally had his number blocked, whoops). He said he was totally fine meeting up to give me my ticket back, but that the tickets wouldn't come in until December 12(tomorrow). It has been about 2 weeks since we last talked, but I should be hearing from him tomorrow. I've already decided I'm gonna let him decide where we meet, but otherwise I don't know how to handle the situation. Do I bring up the relationship? Do I ask if there's a chance we can work on what went wrong(how I can be there for him better)? Or do I just keep it to small talk and let him walk away forever?

[zeino]

Can't he send you the ticket or the code for it so you can get it online? Do you really want to get your ticket or do you want to see him?

[Kris22]

I want my ticket and I want to see him. I gave him the option of having his brother or sister give it to me or him mailing it if he didn't want to see me. But he said he was okay with meeting.

[anonomousguy12]

Bring it up. If you didn't you could regret it and think 'what if'.

Depending on how the conversation goes it could be closure for you to move on or you could start to work things out if that's what you both realise you want.

[Ablaze]

Bring the relationship thing up and maybe you can both figure it out coz i'm kinda sure leaving you is not want he really wants...for the past two months or so have been depressed and a lot of time have thought abt leaving my gf because it seem like we lost our mojo and all that but still i don't want to leave my her and at d same time i want to leave her coz i don't want her to get hurt so maybe that's the kind of decision he was/is facing too...so my suggestion is that you try to talk to him maybe somehow you can make it work

[leseine7]

Hmm, it seems a little bit as if you are wanting to meet up and using the tickets as an excuse to do so. This is a danger zone because, depression or not, he was willing to dump you and not willing to make a relationship happen anymore - but that doesn't mean he may not enjoy the ego boost of seeing someone who has/had such strong feelings for him, whereas you are for sure not over him yet and need to have adequate time to get there.

 

I would absolutely ask him to send them to you. There is NO reason that exchange needs to happen in person and it can open up a lot of pain and difficulty for you. It's not the same as getting your things back from an ex when you've left a lot back at his place or something, it's just a ticket and life goes on.

 

Put it to you this way: When my ex and I broke up we even had FLIGHT tickets still to see each other that we needed to deal with, and even then we by no means talked on the phone or prolonged contact. We arranged to reimburse one another (i didn't even ask him for money back for one of the tickets I bought) and then we closed it, and haven't spoken since. Contact only sets things backwards in recovery.

[leseine7]

I want my ticket and I want to see him. I gave him the option of having his brother or sister give it to me or him mailing it if he didn't want to see me. But he said he was okay with meeting.

 

Just seeing this (I didn't catch it with my reply). Okay. So, I see that your goal is to talk about what went wrong and ask if you can help in some way. Understandable, but you have to realize that he already made his decision to dump you once. Just because he agreed to see you does not indicate he wants to get back together. If anything, he made the decision to break up, not be with you anymore, and those reasons go deeper than depression. Too often we hear "depression" and think "helpless." He isn't helpless. You aren't in control of him staying or leaving. By keeping it to small talk, you aren't "letting him walk away forever" -- he walked away knowing it could be forever already, and making excuses for him (i.e.: his depression made him do this), is only holding you back in denial.

 

But okay, you are going to see him. My advice: do what you want to do, but be fully aware of the consequences and the fact that even if he DOES give this another shot, the real reasons you didn't work enough for him to break it off are most likely still there and you have to be prepared for another round of heartbreak.