Stuck between two guys who don't want me

[ItsAllConfusin]

This is my second post here. I'm 30 and mom to 1. I've only been in one serious relationship with my child's father. I lost my virginity to him. We split and I remained single and without sex for 10 years. I broke that celibate period in September when I slept with a man on the first date .

 

I'm stuck between two men who don't really want me I guess. One guy ive been talking to for almost 3 years, its a sexting relationship. We met online and never in person. He wanted to meet me multiple times but I blew him off because I started to want more and he wouldn't budge.

 

Our last conversation led me to have sex that night. I was so angry with him on top of being sexually frustrated. I just had sex. I don't have any regrets. The guy that I've been talking to knows and told me that he kept his promise and still hasn't had sex with anyone, he's supposedly waiting for me. He wanted to know the details of that night and said he isn't upset. I haven't talked to him in a week.

 

 

Meanwhile I can't seem to move on from that night. Even though I didn't even reach orgasm I want more. In short the guy that I had sex with has reached out to me multiple times but is incapable of planning in advance which means I could not make any of these meetings.

 

I like to believe that I know my worth and that I deserve better but I'm stuck mostly on the guy that I had sex with. No matter how much he pisses me off or how many tears I shed I'm still thinking about the sex.

 

Im aware that this has to stop. I know I need some serious self healing. Trust me I know. I've blocked both the guy's numbers but that doesn't mean I won't come crawling back.

 

Do I refrain from anything sexual including masturbation, do I distract myself with work and hobbies? Do i seek therapy and go to church?

 

I'm just lost. I feel I want sex but idk if i can handle just being a piece of meat and at the same time I don't want a relationship. I don't think I'm built for relationships especially since i have a child. It's a terrible feeling to be 30 and feel so lost.

 

Lastly I do have a guy friend who likes me and genuinely cares for me. He's the sweetest guy and my child loves him (he's a close family friend, the other guys have NOT met my child and never will) but I'm not sexually attracted to him which makes it entirely impossible to date him . I know it's shallow but it's true.

 

What would you suggest for a nut like me?

[Wiseman2]

Why not get on some dating apps and start dating rather than sexting and hookups with strangers?

 

What do you mean you "aren't built for relationships because you have a child"? Many single parents date.

 

All the time you are wasting on sexting and hookups could be spent on dating someone in person in a sexually satisfying situation.

[gebaird]

Don't spend 5 minutes with a guy who doesn't want you, and don't settle for someone to whom you are not sexually attracted. Find someone with whom you have real chemistry and with whom you could possibly have an actual relationship (even if it has to move slow at first while you work through your issues). It will be safer than random hookups.

 

It's hard to deal with sexual impulses when you don't have a regular healthy outlet for them. It seems to me like trying to suppress those desires hasn't been working for you, nor is trying to fulfill them in the wrong ways. Look for a happy medium -- a monogamous relationship -- as it could give you a sexual outlet without the emotional and physical health concerns of hookups.

 

Ultimately, as you said, the solution lies in working through your issues and developing a stronger sense of self-worth. Until that's addressed, you may feel like you're just eating wax fruit -- going through the motions without any of the satisfaction or nutritional benefits.

[katrina1980]

Agree with Wiseman and gebaird, but have a question.

 

You said on-line guy wanted to meet you in person, several times in fact, but you said no because you wanted "more"?

 

What more did you want, you hadn't even met in person yet, after three years.

 

Even though HE expressed interest in meeting you, several times.

 

So that's confusing.

 

Are you actually looking for and wanting a relationship? Perhaps using the fact you have a child as an excuse to not pursue a relationship with anyone?

 

I don't think you are a "nut" (as you described yourself), I just think you are confused about what you actually want.

 

Maybe take some time off from dating, and on-line "interactions" and sexting, and try to figure it out?

[zeino]

Suspend everything about these guys now and try not to stress about making a decision. Do not judge yourself negatively and have faith that when you learn to look after yourself well, you will find relationships with people that value you, that treat you like million dollars. But like everyone else, you first need to learn how to treat yourself that way. You matter.

 

You sound distressed and your sexual history seems to be swinging from one extreme - celibacy for ten years is a lot- to impulsivity. Can you share your take on this? Are you comfortable with your choices in this regard or were you trying to survive in some way. That is, do you think you are now in an ordinary mess that many of us find ourselves in but also manage to come out relatively quickly, or do you think there is an ongoing problem somewhere?

[SooSad33]

You do sound a little confused. Might be an idea to seek some prof help.. therapy?

 

I suggest you do NOT get involved with your 'friend' who is just that. Dont take friendship further- you may never get it back, should the relationship fail.

 

As for this other dude... continue to avoid him if nothing's happening and I agree. don't put yourself out there to get 'used'. Too often one gets hurt in that ordeal ..most often the woman!

 

Nothing wrong with self affection ( masturbation) that is normal, but if YOU find it unapealing that might be signs of an issue.. and speak with a therapist on that, too.

 

Con tinue as you are.. without any of these men. Keep working on you and someday, you might find someone who is to 'your liking', enough to have you want to pursue further.

[Ms Darcy]

Well for a "nut" like you, I'd suggest blocking both guys. Like you said, neither want you.

 

I would suggest that you be very honest about what you want. If you cannot handle sex without a relationship, don't seek that.