Three months ago texted let me know when you are free

[Lady D]

There was somebody I liked and believe he liked me back, I worked with him and said I would stay in touch, he said please do

Three months after leaving I emailed him and he said he was hoping to catch up and would be good to see me

I emailed and missed him twice, was going to go to his office but he was on leave

So then I emailed, yes it would be good to catch up, let me know when you are free and then nothing! Which upset me at the time, now I am ok

I know he has been snowed under professionally, perhaps he took it very literally to mean, contact me when you have time or something

 

I'm just leaving it at the moment, I guess he wasn't interested but why would he say he hoped to catch up?

 

It feels unresolved

He was always very sorry normally if he replied late, but I guess if I said let me know when you're free, he may not have been or is thinking

 

I should forget about this, I haven't done anything wrong really but feel like I must have done, guess it's him though

 

Wish I could forget it!! It just seemed unduly harsh to me and wish I knew wot was in his head! Xx

[Batya33]

Please don't play that game with yourself and tell you that his throwaway comment makes it "unresolved". If he wanted to see you he knows how to reach you and knows you are interested in seeing him. Ball is in his court to make a plan. If he doesn't make a plan, it's resolved. Do that for yourself so that you move on and treat yourself with enough respect so that you are not hanging on to throwaway comments.

[Lady D]

Ne'er a truer word spoken! Thank you Batya, that's what I need to hear today, it's on my mind again X

[Batya33]

Totally normal to ruminate over it. Choose a reaction that is consistent with self-respect.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear you were disappointed. Sometimes people say things upon parting like 'talk to later" and so on but they are not meant literally. "Let's stay in touch " in another such phrase. Just drop it and see if he contacts you. Are you friends on social media?

I emailed and missed him twice, was going to go to his office but he was on leave

So then I emailed, yes it would be good to catch up, let me know when you are free and then nothing!

[Lady D]

Thanks Wiseman2, yes I was and am disappointed even after three months! I don't know whether he will eventually let me know " when he is free " - I take them literally lol, think I'm the only person who does! We are not friends on social media, he is quite antisocial and doesn't use social media, I don't much either, yes I have dropped it anyway, I am trying to just move on with my life now.....my belief is that if somebody is meant to be in your life, somehow it will work out whatever you do! X

[Lady D]

Yes Batya33, I have maintained my self respect at least and I haven't emailed or contacted him again now, I've just been playing what feels like the world's longest waiting game for the last three months, still checking my mail daily for him! However things are moving forward and I am meeting other people too

[katrina1980]

Yes Batya33, I have maintained my self respect at least and I haven't emailed or contacted him again now, I've just been playing what feels like the world's longest waiting game for the last three months, still checking my mail daily for him! However things are moving forward and I am meeting other people too

 

I can relate, there are some people we meet briefly, but can't seem to really shake from our consciousness.

 

We go on with our lives, even date others, have relationships, and are happy! But that person still remains sort of "with us" emotionally, on some level.

 

No rhyme or reason....just is.

 

Check out the movie "Serendipity" with Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack (2001); I just watched it recently on Netflix.

 

They meet briefly, spend the day together (nothing physical, not even a kiss) then separate (she actually has a bf) but never forgot about each other.

 

Years later, they are both engaged to others but still haven't truly forgotten about the other, so break their respective engagements and through a series of events, find each other again and get together, after all those years.

 

Anyway, my only point is to say it's okay for having the feelings you have.

 

Best advice is to move on, date other guys, go on with your life, if it's meant to be, somehow, some way, it will be. He knows where and how to find you.

 

I realize some won't agree and think this is a very unrealistic, idealistic way to think. I dunno maybe it is.

 

Meanwhile, they are probably still harboring feelings for someone they either met briefly or actually dated at one time too.

[Lady D]

What a lovely story Katrina and that's my philosophy too, yes if it's meant to be somehow it will be indeed, I do think the same way as you

 

Thanks for saying you understand how I'm feeling and yes, I am moving on with my life, getting on with stuff, meeting other guys....I've done all I can do really and I will leave it for now, thanks for your post! I'm glad you enjoyed the movie, I have read about people in real life, connecting again too after years and saying they never forgot each other, bit of a hopeless romantic here though lol XX

[katrina1980]

No you are not a *hopeless* romantic, how about a *hopeful* romantic?

 

Me too.

[Lady D]

Most definitely my dear!

[Batya33]

What a lovely story Katrina and that's my philosophy too, yes if it's meant to be somehow it will be indeed, I do think the same way as you

 

Thanks for saying you understand how I'm feeling and yes, I am moving on with my life, getting on with stuff, meeting other guys....I've done all I can do really and I will leave it for now, thanks for your post! I'm glad you enjoyed the movie, I have read about people in real life, connecting again too after years and saying they never forgot each other, bit of a hopeless romantic here though lol XX

 

No - it is not like Serendipity IMO. Once he didn't ask you out again when given the chance, my strong advice (if you ever want to marry) would be to move on at that point and not "wait" -not check email - if there is no time/place plan for the next date there is no date.

 

Serendipity is not about dating or rejection - they met randomly, spent a romantic day together, knew they were otherwise involved (I think?) and when they parted they both knew they hadn't given each other enough information to get back in touch - and also there was nothing negative - meaning, it wasn't a date where the typical expectation is that someone will suggest another date or call and ask the person out. It was a random meeting with a remote possibility of ever meeting again (pre-Facebook, etc too I think?). It's not about being a romantic by waiting -that's not being a romantic, it's just getting in your own way. Being a romantic is "if he feels a connection he knows I am interested and he will call me - I will cherish the memory of the date we had and strive to meet someone I connect with like that .....who is also available to and interested in dating me.

[katrina1980]

No - it is not like Serendipity IMO. Once he didn't ask you out again when given the chance, my strong advice (if you ever want to marry) would be to move on at that point and not "wait" -not check email - if there is no time/place plan for the next date there is no date.

 

Serendipity is not about dating or rejection - they met randomly, spent a romantic day together, knew they were otherwise involved (I think?) and when they parted they both knew they hadn't given each other enough information to get back in touch - and also there was nothing negative - meaning, it wasn't a date where the typical expectation is that someone will suggest another date or call and ask the person out. It was a random meeting with a remote possibility of ever meeting again (pre-Facebook, etc too I think?). It's not about being a romantic by waiting -that's not being a romantic, it's just getting in your own way. Being a romantic is "if he feels a connection he knows I am interested and he will call me - I will cherish the memory of the date we had and strive to meet someone I connect with like that .....who is also available to and interested in dating me.

 

I wasn't comparing their *experience* together as Serendipity. Obviously it wasn't anything like it.

 

I was comparing the *feeling* she has for him as Serendipity.

 

I'm sorry you didn't get that.

 

OP did though, which is all that matters.

[Batya33]

I wasn't comparing their *experience* together as Serendipity. Obviously it wasn't anything like it.

 

I was comparing the *feeling* she has for him as Serendipity.

 

I'm sorry you didn't get that.

 

OP did though, which is all that matters.

 

Yes, I understand. I don't think the romantic feelings here are based on anything similar to what the romantic feelings were based on in Serendipity and IMO to suggest that is to suggest that it's positive to ruminate as she is because she is a "romantic" like the couple in Serendipity.

 

Obviously it doesn't matter if anyone but her gets what you are saying. I do think it matters that she reads different perspectives. To me it would be a shame if the OP wasted any time waiting based on the notion that it is because she is a romantic who is hoping that "fate" in this case will spark his interest in her enough to get in touch and ask her out for a date.

 

OP -if it's meant to be is lovely. If you want to marry someday and have a chance at a biological child, keep that notion on the periphery because it can encourage passivity and circular thinking "I am single because the Right One hasn't asked me to let down my hair from my castle window so he can rescue me and it really doesn't matter what I do or don't do because whatever will be will be"

 

My story of how my husband and I got back together and got married could be a fate story -totally romantic. If I hadn't done the inner work I did, if I hadn't been out there dating up a storm and learning and being painfully honest with myself, if I hadn't stopped "waiting" as you describe it, when the opportunity to see him again came I likely would have either dismissed it or dismissed the spark we felt that first night (or at least squelched it with my tired old chasing the challenge, feeling turned off once I won the prize mindset). I had to be the right person to find the right person. Fate was only part of it.

[katrina1980]

No - it is not like Serendipity IMO. Once he didn't ask you out again when given the chance, my strong advice (if you ever want to marry) would be to move on at that point and not "wait" -not check email - if there is no time/place plan for the next date there is no date.

 

Serendipity is not about dating or rejection - they met randomly, spent a romantic day together, knew they were otherwise involved (I think?) and when they parted they both knew they hadn't given each other enough information to get back in touch - and also there was nothing negative - meaning, it wasn't a date where the typical expectation is that someone will suggest another date or call and ask the person out. It was a random meeting with a remote possibility of ever meeting again (pre-Facebook, etc too I think?). It's not about being a romantic by waiting -that's not being a romantic, it's just getting in your own way. Being a romantic is "if he feels a connection he knows I am interested and he will call me - I will cherish the memory of the date we had and strive to meet someone I connect with like that .....who is also available to and interested in dating me.

 

Batya, with respect I completely disagree with your interpretation.

 

IMO it was about *fate* and *destiny* bringing two people who had met very briefly and felt a connection back together. Two people who had never forgotten about each other even after several years, other relationships, including engagements, which they each broke off, for the *sole* purpose of hopefully finding each other again, because they had never truly forgotten about each other.

 

Yes they each had a hand in that *fate* through a series of events that were set in place years earlier, the day they met.

 

If you don't believe in fate and destiny, okay, fair enough.

 

But that was was the premise of the movie.... hence the name "Serendipity."

 

They admitted it themselves, at the end.

[katrina1980]

Yes, I understand. I don't think the romantic feelings here are based on anything similar to what the romantic feelings were based on in Serendipity and IMO to suggest that is to suggest that it's positive to ruminate as she is because she is a "romantic" like the couple in Serendipity.

 

Obviously it doesn't matter if anyone but her gets what you are saying. I do think it matters that she reads different perspectives. To me it would be a shame if the OP wasted any time waiting based on the notion that it is because she is a romantic who is hoping that "fate" in this case will spark his interest in her enough to get in touch and ask her out for a date.

 

Batya, I never told her to *wait.* Never ever.

 

I advised the best thing she could do was move on with her life, date other men, have relationships, be happy.

 

My only point was to tell her that her feelings are okay... that I can relate to them.

 

And since I just watched the movie, I thought I'd share it because it relates to harboring feelings for people that were only in our lives for a very short while.. and if something is meant to be it will be, which I believe.

 

Like I said. I know many people find this notion silly, whacky, unrealistic whatevs.

 

Don't care. I believe... and believing gives me a sense of peace.

 

I thought perhaps it would give the OP a sense of peace too.

 

But yes of course she should move on with her life! Absolutely!

 

I am happy you and your husband found each other!

 

I am in a new relationship too.

 

Fate had nothing to do with it though, he works in my building, and I asked him out!

[Batya33]

"And since I just watched the movie, I thought I'd share it because it relates to harboring feelings for people that were only in our lives for a very short while.. and if something is meant to be it will be, which I believe.

 

Like I said. I know many people find this notion silly, whacky, unrealistic whatevs.

 

Don't care. I believe... and believing gives me a sense of peace."

 

I agree entirely about the movie and the message. I believe that the movie has nothing to do generally with everyone who is in our lives for a short while - I think that that movie was very specific about the short romance between those two people. I completely agree that it's a peaceful feeling that if you meet someone and connect mutually but life circumstances -external to your interest in each other -make it impractical to see each other again - that leaving it to fate is a great way to think about it.

 

In this situation, she liked him and wanted to date him. He may have liked her but by his actions we know that at this point he is not interested in dating her and/or is not available to date her - and if it's not available, he hasn't told her that and that also tells us that he doesn't want her to hold out hope "I'm not available to date now because of ___ but if ___ changes I'll be in touch and we'll go out. It's one sided. So, respectfully, I love that movie and love what it says about people with a mutual connection whose time together is short.I don't think it applies to a one-sided connection.

[katrina1980]

Batya, I don't think we are talking about the same movie.

 

They both felt a strong connection, HE wanted to date her but SHE had a bf.

 

She would not even give him her name or phone number, she wrote it in a book!

 

Told him if it (they) were meant to be (fate), he would find the book at a later time, at a book stand or something, and contact her. Then she would know they were "meant to be."

 

Which he did, years later, when his fiance gave him the same book as a gift! So he broke his engagement and tried to call her/find her.

 

Anyway I didn't mention the movie for it to be analyzed and dissected as to its meaning.

 

I just thought it was a sweet romantic story about two people who had never truly forgotten each other, and who reunited, after meeting very briefly years earlier.

 

That's all.

 

Let's move on, we will never agree about it anyway.

[katrina1980]

"And since I just watched the movie, I thought I'd share it because it relates to harboring feelings for people that were only in our lives for a very short while.. and if something is meant to be it will be, which I believe.

 

Like I said. I know many people find this notion silly, whacky, unrealistic whatevs.

 

Don't care. I believe... and believing gives me a sense of peace."

 

I agree entirely about the movie and the message. I believe that the movie has nothing to do generally with everyone who is in our lives for a short while - I think that that movie was very specific about the short romance between those two people. I completely agree that it's a peaceful feeling that if you meet someone and connect mutually but life circumstances -external to your interest in each other -make it impractical to see each other again - that leaving it to fate is a great way to think about it.

 

In this situation, she liked him and wanted to date him. He may have liked her but by his actions we know that at this point he is not interested in dating her and/or is not available to date her - and if it's not available, he hasn't told her that and that also tells us that he doesn't want her to hold out hope "I'm not available to date now because of ___ but if ___ changes I'll be in touch and we'll go out. It's one sided. So, respectfully, I love that movie and love what it says about people with a mutual connection whose time together is short.I don't think it applies to a one-sided connection.

 

I just read this^ again, and agree.

 

Sorry I misinterpreted it the first time I had read, was a bit wound up, my bad.

 

Yes the movie was very specific to their situation. Did not relate at all to the OP's situation.

 

I think leaving "anything" to fate is not the way to go. We move on, date others, have relationships, fall in love.

 

But in a sense, I do believe if something is "meant to be it will be". Whether it results in two people meeeting later and ending up together together ... or not.

 

That doesn't mean we wait for it to happen, or even expect it to happen.

 

It will just sort of "happen" - if it's meant to be. Serendipity..

 

Not always of course, obviously not.

 

Like I said, in my current relationship, I made it happen by asking him for a drink.

 

Which probably happens in the majority of relationships.

 

Doesn't stop me from believing though.

[Batya33]

"Head in the clouds but feet on the ground" OP - I agree with Katrina (if I paraphrased correctly)

[katrina1980]

"Head in the clouds but feet on the ground" OP - I agree with Katrina (if I paraphrased correctly)

 

You did Batya, and thnx.

 

Being a bit of a *dreamer* is good imo (big goals, grand ideas, that "perfect" person or relationship (for you), anything you want) .......BUT it's also important and good, and necessary! ... to stay grounded in REALITY by making practical decisions, taking practical action, and just, well, keeping things *real" in your life.

 

Most people lean towards one more than the other, but maintaining a healthy balance between the two different energies is best. Imho of course.

 

For me, balancing those two energies (or trying to, I often slip up lol) really does give me a sense of peace and actually allows me to achieve my goals, what I really want in life.

 

Yeah I know that all must sound very hokey to some people, which is okay.

 

It's all about what works for us.

 

Thnx again for getting it Batya.

 

I find most most ENA'ers (or just people in general, including my own boyfriend and late dad) are more on the practical side, and find all the talk about *energies* and leaving things to "the universe" or fate ... a bit over the top.

[force]

Actually what you did saying "let me know when you're free" was perfect. After all he did say he would like to see you. My guess is that he is probably interested...to a small degree. The reason I say small degree is he said he would like to see you and catch up. On the other hand he is not making the plans as he SHOULD. You have already done your part asking when he's free. I say he is busy, or something is going on in his life right now. My best prediction is he will come back later on and apologize and say what really happened.

[Batya33]

You did Batya, and thnx.

 

Being a bit of a *dreamer* is good imo (big goals, grand ideas, that "perfect" person or relationship (for you), anything you want) .......BUT it's also important and good, and necessary! ... to stay grounded in REALITY by making practical decisions, taking practical action, and just, well, keeping things *real" in your life.

 

Most people lean towards one more than the other, but maintaining a healthy balance between the two different energies is best. Imho of course.

 

For me, balancing those two energies (or trying to, I often slip up lol) really does give me a sense of peace and actually allows me to achieve my goals, what I really want in life.

 

Yeah I know that all must sound very hokey to some people, which is okay.

 

It's all about what works for us.

 

Thnx again for getting it Batya.

 

I find most most ENA'ers (or just people in general, including my own boyfriend and late dad) are more on the practical side, and find all the talk about *energies* and leaving things to "the universe" or fate ... a bit over the top.

 

A good question I think and maybe something for the OP to ponder - is whether those two need to be in opposition -can they coexist or even work together? Where you honor your energies and "fate" and work it in to and with the practicalities? Maybe for example telling yourself what you exactly want - in a relationship, a career, etc even if it is partly or mostly fantasy - honoring that, letting it resonate and letting practicalities maybe trigger a way to move toward that goal?