So confused

[uphayes]

OK so I'm 29 and my girlfriend just ended our 13 year relationship just before we were set to move in together, she is 27 by the way. So for some background on our relationship, we met in an online chat room 13 years ago, her username was go figure right? We both live in NYC but in two parts of the city making us seeing each other, especially when we both had other obligations i.e school, work, very hard. So with this distance we would only see each other on average two times a month, sometimes we'd go a month or two without seeing each other at all. The distance was difficult for me to deal with so it was easy for me to break from her especially when it was easy to distract myself with hanging out and running around with my friends. I broke up with her a total of 4 times because though we loved each other there was in growth in the relationship, she took me back no problem each time. The last time I broke from her she actually was dating someone who she said she really liked and still got back with me! So now, in my opinion, the relationship takes a turn for the best. We're Spending a lot of time together, doing a variety of different things, planning on finally living together when her parents leave her the apartment, furniture shopping, the whole nine! During this time she would continuously tell me how she couldn't wait to be living with me, how much she wanted to be my wife, and planned for when we would start having kids. Four months from the day that we're supposed to be moving together she tells me that she felt that she never should have gotten back with me and how she just can't do it anymore. She says that this time she isn't coming back, she covers the tattoo that we got together, wishes me the best and encourages me by telling me that I'll find someone. What the hell? Just a few weeks prior you wanted to be my wife, how the sudden change? I was set to propose for new years eve / new years day. She says had I proposed earlier during the year that she would have said yes, but she says that she's been feeling a way about getting back with me so why would she say yes to a ring? I don't get it. I'm confused. When we're together there's nothing but laughs and good times. I've also noticed a coldness when ever it is that we do speak. What the hell is going on???

[melancholy123]

I wonder if she's outgrown the relationship. If you've been with her since she was 14, well perhaps she's wondering what she was missing by being with one person for so long at such a young age. Only she can tell you for sure what the problem is, but that's my guess.

[uphayes]

OK so me and my ex of 13 years have been broken up for 2 months now. She has given me more than a million excuses as to why "I'm not the man for her," but what I find to be funny is that while I give her the space that she's asked for she occasionally reaches out to let me know how much she hates me and how much she can't stand me lol. To me this is an attempt to let me know she still cares without saying as much as well as a check to see if I'll still be available to her. She's also been partying a lot I guess as a way to forget about me but who knows.

[BrokenGator]

Don't take the bait and stop respond to her anymore.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry sounds very complicated after 13 yrs.

 

You were supposed to move into her place when she pulled the plug and she wanted to get married? It sounds like when marriage didn't happen she ended it.

 

It may be best to delete and block her of all you get is angry messages. Who needs that nonsense?

she occasionally reaches out to let me know how much she hates me and how much she can't stand me lol.

[lillorenzo23]

OK so me and my ex of 13 years have been broken up for 2 months now. She has given me more than a million excuses as to why "I'm not the man for her," but what I find to be funny is that while I give her the space that she's asked for she occasionally reaches out to let me know how much she hates me and how much she can't stand me lol. To me this is an attempt to let me know she still cares without saying as much as well as a check to see if I'll still be available to her. She's also been partying a lot I guess as a way to forget about me but who knows.

 

Obviously no two people's situations or stories are the same, but I feel you man. I was with my ex for two years, and he ended it a month ago. I fought like hell for 2 weeks to try and get him to see what he's throwing away and try making attempts to fix things, which ended in a "I can't keep you hanging on, I have to go with my gut feeling and there's no easy way to say it but we can't be together" text. To which I didn't respond. To which resulted in 16 more text messages I didn't respond to over the course of two days. That was 15 days ago. So 15 days of NC, and today I get a text message that said "I just wanted to let you know that I left our memory box in front of your apartment door in case you aren't going home after work. I don't want anybody to take it."

 

Hold the eff up a second, so you end it...I beg to hang on and give it a chance...you say no, and you want to put all of our memories in front of my doorstep after two weeks of me not responding to you? What goes through people's minds? Smh.

[uphayes]

What's even crazier is that she has no problem admitting how perfect we would be living together and how great of a father I'd be and great parents we'd both be so my question then is what more do you want? Isn't that the end goal?

[boltnrun]

Do you enjoy receiving her messages? Do you see them as a "sign" she still loves you and wants to be with you? Is that why you haven't blocked her?

[lillorenzo23]

What's even crazier is that she has no problem admitting how perfect we would be living together and how great of a father I'd be and great parents we'd both be so my question then is what more do you want? Isn't that the end goal?

 

You can't make sense of it man, and can't try and make sense of it. My ex and I were apartment searching during the break up. In the "goodbye" texts I was told how I'm the most amazing person he ever met that deserves nothing but the best, ect ect...and what I've learned is you can't fix other people's issues as much as you'd love to be able to. Whatever she has going on her head that is enabling her to act the way she's acting is something that SHE needs to deal with. There's literally nothing you can do or say. I realized that with mine. We went from eating dinner at his parents and apartment searching to 'things won't work out, I need to be single for a while...' in under a week. The one thing that will hold you back from making any sort of progress is entertaining her comments and trying to figure out why she's doing what she's doing, saying what she's saying, or acting how she's acting. You'll never figure it out, and you're just going to hurt in the process of doing so.

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Misery loves company.

 

I love when exes did this. Send me hate texts out of nowhere. One thing I can say, if you want to really piss them off to the point they throw stuff....just ignore them.

 

Once you play their game....they win. Don't say ANYTHING

[Wiseman2]

This. They do it for a reaction. Block, ignore, delete...whatever you have to do to stop the madness.

if you want to really piss them off to the point they throw stuff....just ignore them

[uphayes]

I do enjoy speaking to her still and when she says that she "hates" me it's never in hateful way if that makes sense. And knowing her the way that I do I feel like she feels a way that I'm no longer reaching out to her. Telling me that she wishes that I choke on a chicken bone and how she wishes that I'd disappear is hilarious to me. I'm in no way allowing her to stop my progress because I'm enjoying being single but it sucks when you get so close to having everything that you've planned with someone come true to have it all fall apart out of no where.

[Limie]

To me this is an attempt to let me know she still cares without saying as much as well as a check to see if I'll still be available to her.

 

Ignore. Hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. I think No Contact might help with this situation. Let her calm down and work on herself. And also you can work on yourself.

[uphayes]

See but here's the funny thing, if I don't reply to her texts or answer her calls she'll flip it on me and make it a situation where I didn't care or I don't love her so I feel like I'm in a lose lose situation. I don't reach out to her at all, which like I said I think already makes her mad, but I can't not answer when she reaches out. Especially when I'm being nice and nonargumentative I know she can't stand that and part of the reason that she continues to reach out is to see if I'm going to be a towards her.

[boltnrun]

So, since you care so much what she thinks about you, I presume you want to get back together? And you think her "hate" texts are the road to reconciliation?

[uphayes]

Not so much that I care what she thinks or there being a road to reconciliation, I just don't believe she's really feeling the way that she says she is. Just a while ago she "couldn't wait to come home to me" and wanted to be my wife. So now when she's partying like crazy I'm not supposed to feel like she's going through some sort of phase?