Girlfriend is still in love with ex

[SheGoneMan]

So I haven't been on here in a while because my life in general has been getting better, but I now have another problem I'm trying to get as much advice as possible on. You see, a little over 2 months ago I met this beautiful girl. I'm a junior in high school, and I've known OF her for years. She has been with this other guy for the longest time. Almost 2 years. Anyways, I started getting to know her in one of my classes and we started talking and almost instantly we had a growing connection. A connection I could just feel. We would always laugh and smile together and it was so amazing. We started developing feelings for each other and we both knew it, but I thought she was still with that other guy. So I ask a mutual friend if she's single and he says she is, that they broke up in August. So me being me, taking notice of how much of a good catch she is, I swooped in. I asked her on a date and it all went from there.

 

The thing is, she still loves him. She wasn't ready for anything serious because she was still heartbroken. So instead we had a little friends with benefits going. However, there would be times where the ex would come back into her mind, and she would back off. This happened multiple times. Every weekend for about 4 weeks in a row I would get a bible verse text on my phone and she basically was ending it with the possibility of a relationship in the future. The 4th time she backed out on me (yes 4 lol) she said she just wanted to be friends. That she didn't like me in that way anymore and didn't want to keep playing with my heart. Basically putting an end to what we had, besides our friendship (both our friend groups combined and we all hang out all the time). So, I decided I was done playing around. I distance myself and just be her friend. She takes notice and about a week later she confesses that she still has feelings for me and hasn't thought of her ex like that in a while. I wasn't about to jump in again for the 5th time so I took things slow until I knew she was sure she wanted me. Well, about 2 weeks ago we became official. She thought she was ready. We had a good time just like always until a few days ago. Things started getting a little rough, nothing too bad, but something triggered in her again. She started thinking of her ex a lot and reminiscing on what they had. Trust me I gave her PLENTY of pep talks and made her delete the pictures she couldn't stop staring at when she was alone. And when she told me this I felt like all my work over the past 2 months was for nothing. She told me she thought she was done thinking about it, but I guess not.

 

So I'm at a low low right now. I talked to her today and we both don't really know what to do. I suggested that we start doing more things together like we used to and then our affection for each other can possibly grow and there goes her ex out the window, with time of course. (The last week we haven't done much because she's been distant lately). We both agreed and promised that we will try to spend more time together and we're supposed to get together tomorrow. And if this doesn't work out, I said that maybe she's just not ready yet and we'll end the relationship there, but still keep our friendship, and maybe someday, moths from now when she's actually ready we can try again. Because she really is worth it.

 

And I know some people are going to say just dump her she's a waste of time. But the thing is I'm not even really looking for a relationship. If she wasn't with me now I would probably just be having good times with my bros. And the fact that her friends all merged into my friends and everyone is cool, makes it even harder to just drop her. The only reason I'm trying to stick with her is because I see so much potential in her. I even sent her an article today called "how to let go of a past relationship" and she said it was eye opening and that it made her feel better, and when she starts thinking of him she will try to read it over and over again.

 

So I wanna know if what I'm doing seems like a good course of action? Is there any hope or is it just a lost cause? Thank you!

[uphayes]

What's going on bro. I'm kind of going through the same thing you are but in reverse, I've actually posted a Thread titled So Confused by Uphayes. But to get to your situation, if you feel she's worth it go after her. The thing is that you may have to be more indirect with your approach. Give her space to miss you. Let her contact you and when she does don't give in so easily, be somewhat standoffish but don't be a if that makes sense. You've probably heard that you're young and that you have your whole life to find love and you do! As a younger guy I'm sure you have a ton to distract you from the situation just do you and let her do the chasing. If and when she comes and says that she's ready to be with you, if you still want to be with her, say OK but don't drop what you've been doing to give her all of your attention! Continue to do you and continue to allow her to chase. Listen bro take it from me and enjoy your youth. Say you guys do get together and get serious, is there any grantee that you guys will last as long as you like? Just my two sense hope it help.