Lost & Broken: My ex did cheat on me while we were in a relationship.

[notsomature]

Please help me get through this incredibly difficult time.

 

My ex of 6 months broke up with me 3 months ago. I always had a suspicion that he was cheating on me with a girl named Cindy but he'd always deny it. I'd ask him if he and Cindy ever dated before because one of his social media posts referred to her as "the lady". He says, many guys call their best female friend the lady claiming his best guy friend does it all the time. Cindy even called him one morning while we were having breakfast and he got all excited but decided to take the call later. That's when my suspicion started to peak because he & I barely talked on the phone while we were together. Then, coincidentally from that time she called, our relationship started going downhill. Part of it, I thought, was because I kept questioning him about Cindy which showed I was insecure. The other part, however, was because he started acting rude towards me. He would go several weeks in a row and not text or see me. He would bail on any plans we made. One night when I finally got the chance to hangout with him at his house, he turned the lights off on me while I was going down the stairs as a "joke" and I sprained my ankle. I kept telling him, if he wanted to breakup with me, I'd prefer he'd do it honestly and in person. He'd roll his eyes and seem annoyed that I'd keep bringing it up. After 2 months of the same behavior from him over and over again, I slipped and created a dating profile for 2 weeks. Looking back, I was stupid for not just leaving him. I didn't want to leave because 1) I never had a relationship that lasted over 3 months, 2) He was the hottest bf I ever had, and 3) I wasn't sure if he was cheating on me with Cindy & if he was I didn't want to make it that easy for him to get back with her.

 

Well, in the end he did cheat and he got away with it. After 2 weeks of being on the dating site, I confessed to him and told him why I had a dating profile up. I told him it was because I had trust issues and I wouldn't believe him when he said that he's too busy with work to hangout with me. I told him my act was cowardly & apologized. This conversation was done through text because he didn't want to wait till after work to hear my confession. Besides, I doubted he'd make time to see me in person to talk anyway. His only response was a "middle finger emoji" and when I asked if we were over he gives me the "thumbs up emoji". He seemed unphased by the breakup.

 

Since the breakup, I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself. I've gone to 5 sessions of counseling since then. I've grown stronger in my faith with God. I learned how to swim during my trip in Thailand for 2 weeks. All this gave me confidence, but the pain and confusion from the breakup still remained. I wanted clarity. 2-3 times a month for the last 3 months I would drive by his house and her house to see if either of their cars were there overnight. I didn't notice anything until tonight, when I drove by at 5 AM and saw his car parked at her house meaning that he had slept over. I broke down and cried, but it was what I wanted to know. I prayed to God for the truth and now I have it. I just don't know how to deal with this truth now.

 

I got upset and texted him,"I knew it. You cheated on me. You always had a thing for Cindy. How do you even sleep at night without guilt, next to Cindy? You even physically put me in pain through all of this. I sprained my ankle that one night all because I wanted to hangout with you. You made me feel like a fool."

 

I don't know if I will get a response or not. Please help me. How can I ask God for help during this time? (Please no rude comments as you can see this has been a tough season for me).

[DaNgeRTasTiC]

Hmmm. So you guys were only together for 6months total...and would go several weeks without seeing each other?

 

Was there that much time to get that attached? It sounds like you were with him because his appearance? It must be all physical because he sounds like a pretty nasty boyfriend.

 

I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like you're missing out on much.

 

Also, driving by people's house through the middle of the night is odd behavior. It reflects your insecurities and you got exactly what you are looking for. Plus you did the same thing he was doing by creating a dating profile? Was that out of spite?

You knew not to trust him and you thought he would change for some reason. Cheaters don't change. And they only care after they get caught.

 

If I were you I would find someone else and from the sounds of this guy, seems like you can do way better.

[Cheetarah]

Driving past his AND her house 2-3 times a month is not self-care and working towards personal growth. It is obsessive behavior. If you are going to use your faith to get through your pain, please use it in a positive way to heal your heart and mind. To place the focus upon yourself, take care of yourself, away from him and from her.

 

It doesn't matter anymore. You do not need confirmation. You two are over, have been over for the last 3 months. What would knowing with absolute certainty change? Nothing. This is a time to heal, not keep picking at a scab that has hardly even had the chance to form yet.

[sara-pezzini]

So how does it prove he cheated when he was at her house 3 months after you guys broke up?? Doesn't prove anything....

But a 6 month relationship where you went weeks without seeing him or even a text, and where he never really called you anyway and where he was rude to you and from an outside perspective really wasn't into you, what is there to miss or still even get that upset over? It's been 3 months.....you couldn't have gotten to know him well enough yet to be in love and it was really only because he was hot to look at, which is quite superficial anyways....

 

Keep doing the work on yourself that you're doing cause that sounds great and don't give him and cindy another thought.....it wasn't love and i think you dodged a bullet with this one with how disrespecting he was anyway.

Let it go! Not healthy to keep hanging onto this as it seems to have become an obsession.....

Good luck with therapy!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, but he treated you very poorly all along. Pray that in the future you don't hang onto a guy who treats you so poorly just because he's hot.

 

Never threaten breakups or try to make someone jealous, as you found out those games not only don't work, they backfire.

 

Take a break from dating and be more selective about how guys treat you when you start dating again. In the mean time go no contact and block/delete this guy.

My ex of 6 months broke up with me. He would go several weeks in a row and not text or see me. He would bail on any plans we made. I created a dating profile for 2 weeks. I've gone to 5 sessions of counseling since then.

[Ms Darcy]

I think what I am struggling with here is that there is NO evidence that he was cheating on you with her while you were together. It's only after your relationship ended that you found the car.

 

I hope in the future that when you feel someone wants to end it with you, that you go ahead and end it. He didn't love you at all.

[notsomature]

I know it's not self-care to be driving by his and her house 2-3 times out of the month. I know a Godly person would forgive their enemies and move on. In the end, I know I can never trust him. I just couldn't get past the feeling of being played dirty & him walking away thinking he had me fooled (especially, since my ex before him did the same thing).

 

He responded to my text, of course, saying he doesn't know what I'm talking about. He tried to get me to confess how I found out about him sleeping with Cindy. I didn't budge, which of course made him think I was making things up. Interesting enough, however, once he felt I didn't know anything he tried to say "I didn't say whether or not I have been sleeping with Cindy". I saw with my own eyes that he had spent the night at her house and he still tried to lie to me. It was entertaining for me to see how far he would go for a lie. It automatically made me discredit everything he told me that night, for example: "I didn't have feelings for Cindy. I told you everything and I never cheated". When he told me this, I said it was a lie because you can't sleep with someone you don't have feelings for. He goes, "Yeah you can, it's called a one-night-stand". I know for a fact he didn't just have a one-night stand with her because when he questioned me about how I found out he asked, "did you creep through my bedroom window?" This implies that he not only did it at her house, but his own house too, so it's not just a one-night-stand with his "buddy".

 

I laughed when he responded to me saying "Oh you think Cindy and I are a thing?" It doesn't matter. He was being unfaithful to me during our relationship by keeping in contact with someone he had an intimate history with & not sharing that valuable information with me. He kept in constant communication with her while neglecting me during the relationship. After the breakup, he swiftly moves on to sleeping with Cindy. I think that speaks loud and clear who had been playing games the whole time, it wasn't me.

[sara-pezzini]

Again, it is 3 months after the break up! He is allowed to sleep with whoever he wants! No prove at all that he cheated 3 months ago, they could have grown closer after his break up.....

And again you were only with him for 6 months! Time to let go now, you're obsessing!

What are you trying to accomplish by this? Get him back? That'll never happen, get answers? Well what will that bring you?

Nothing, trust me.....move on and let go and for god's sake keep your dignity!